by Mohammed Bello Doka
If deception had a physical address, its shrine would undoubtedly be located somewhere between Aso Rock and Bourdillon, and its high priest would be a data boy armed with nothing but a smartphone and an unshakable belief in his own propaganda. Welcome to this week’s edition of Sarcastic Sunday with Mohammed Bello Doka, where we study Nigeria’s political gymnastics, sarcastically laced with humor—because doing otherwise will choke us to death.
Today’s episode is about our dear Mallam Nuhu Ribadu, the once most powerful Northerner in Tinubu’s cabinet. The man who was, just a few months ago, the talk of the town—hyped by APC social media handlers, data boys, and the rumor mill within the corridors of power as Tinubu’s anointed successor in 2031 .
When we warned him about the threat of betrayal—most especially in my articles like “Is Tinubu Wagging a Silent War Against the Muslim North?” and other series—we were termed alarmists and called all sorts of names . Even then, as I will do now, I told them: “Idan kaga gemun dan uwanka ya kama da wuta…” A Hausa man will understand this saying. If you see your brother’s beard on fire, you don’t wait for it to reach his face before you act.
Last month, I warned Senator Yari about the same danger, and many writers accused me of the same alarmism. Some came with distractions, others with accusations. Some even doubted my existence and dared me to prove my identity. For those who don’t know, I once or twice delved into philosophy, and the question of ontology is never my favorite subject. All I can say is to borrow or stand on the shoulders of the giants: “Cogito, ergo sum”—I think, therefore I exist, as René Descartes supposedly said. Or, in my case, “I write, therefore I exist.”
Now back to Mallam Nuhu Ribadu. In just a few months ago, he was the toast of APC loyalists. Social media was awash with predictions and proclamations. Ale Olusegun Thadeaus, in a comment on a Guardian Nigeria post, declared with all the certainty of a prophet: “Next president after Tinubu is Nuru Ribadu 2031_2039” . Primate Babatunde Elijah Ayodele, in April 2025, publicly predicted that “After Tinubu, Nuhu Ribadu will take over” . On Nairaland, a user going by Apcpalava confidently stated: “Come 2031, Ribadu will be president” .
Even the heavyweights joined the chorus. Rotimi Amaechi, in a February 2026 interview, accused Ribadu of “planning for himself in 2031 and also planning for Tinubu in the 2027 presidential election” . Nasir El-Rufai alleged that Ribadu was working to eliminate northern rivals because he wanted the presidency in 2031 . And what did Ribadu do? He offered a public statement denying any intention of contesting for the presidency in 2031—because, of course, the best way to prove you’re not running is to issue a denial before anyone officially asks.
But I warned him again: “Ranka yadade idan kaji ganga ta cika zaki…” Before anyone swears to what will kill them, let’s be clear—no one ever raised that Ribadu was Tinubu’s successor. Oh wait, they did. The evidence is everywhere.
That being said, Ribadu today has failed to make it to the most important decision-making body that will determine the future of the party in 2027—another five years before his taunted or alleged promised presidential candidature . The APC Presidential Campaign Council list was released, and guess who was conspicuously absent? The same Nuhu Ribadu who was Director of Stakeholders Relations in the 2023 campaign structure. The same Nuhu Ribadu who was meant to be the heir apparent. The same Nuhu Ribadu whose name was on everyone’s lips just months ago.
But this did not happen overnight. It began with the creation of a post we rightly described as the beginning of the end—the appointment of a Special Assistant to the President on Homeland Security. A Yoruba man. Even then, when we raised the alarm, the same data boys that have now relegated Ribadu to the cemetery of Tinubu’s political betrayals accused us of ignorance, hypocrisy, and what have you. Today, they have abandoned Ribadu and are busy digging the grave of Senator Yari.
Ah, Yari. The new shiny object. The Campaign Director-General who, barely 24 hours after his unveiling, began talking about APC remaining in power beyond 2031 . He made this declaration at the Nnamdi Azikiwe International Airport, Abuja, perhaps forgetting that in Nigerian politics, the perception of who is winning can sometimes become almost as consequential as the eventual votes . The PDP’s National Publicity Secretary, Jungudo Haruna Mohammed, told Vanguard that Yari appeared to be getting carried away by his appointment, urging him to “concentrate on the assignment before looking beyond 2031” . And the ADC went further, with its National Publicity Secretary, Bolaji Abdullahi, describing Yari as “one of those lying to the President” .
But that’s the thing about Nigerian politics—you’re only as good as your last campaign list. Today, Ribadu is out. Tomorrow, Yari might be in. And the day after? Who knows. The data boys will find another anointed one. The rumor mill will churn out another successor. And we, the alarmists, will keep writing, keep warning, keep laughing—because if we don’t laugh, we’ll cry.
History will undoubtedly remember us either today or tomorrow or even long after we’re gone. It’s worth remembering that a whole lot of time has passed on earth that we were not around, and a lot will pass long after we’re gone. But for now, let’s raise a glass to Mallam Nuhu Ribadu—the man they promised the 2031 presidency but couldn’t make it to the 2027 campaign council.
Cogito, ergo sum. Or in this case, “I write, therefore I exist.” And as long as Nigerian politics keeps serving up this level of drama, I’ll keep writing.
Mohammed Bello Doka can be reached via bellodoka82@gmail.com
