You create your own disappointments


Ozodi Osuji

Here is the trajectory of my life. I found my body and self not good enough and desire a better body and self. I inherited a mitochondrial disorder that made my body very problematic for me. By the age, six when I began elementary school, this approach to life was already in place. It is the life of the idealist.

  1. I use my mind to come up with mental ideals of how I, people and the world ought to be; these are ideals of my own invention; they are not self-evident facts.
  • I use the ideals that my mind posited to judge what I see in the world my eyes show me, to judge what is.
  • I find what is not good enough relative to my ideals (how the world should be by my wishes).
  • I reject what is, empiricism, what my eyes show me.
  • I keep hoping for the day that my ideals will come to fruition and people and the world will be as I want them to be.
  • Because people, things and the universe are not as I want them to be I am disappointed with them and live in quiet desperation.
  • This shows that I am disappointed by my own wish to transform reality to what I make of it, not be reality itself. In effect, I am playing God who made reality and does not want to accept the reality that I did not create.
  • If I have no ideals and do not judge people, things and the world with my ideals, as good or bad relative to my ideals, and accept things as they are then I would not be disappointed.
  •  But given that I still do not like things as they are how can I accept them?
  1. I do not like American and African politics, I seek a social democratic politics so how can I accept what does not make sense to me? Welcome to the world of idealists, disappointment made possible by the logic of their mental processes; yet they cannot accept realism, what is, as it is for what is seems unacceptable to them.
  1. Good old Sigmund Freud, superficial and glib as ever, would say that idealists are neurotic, that they rejected their real selves (he has not defined what constitutes the real self) and are pursuing chimeras of how they should be, ideal selves, and how things ought to become; they are not going to attain their wishes of the wisp so they must end their lives in disappointment, or gratify them in dreams.
  1. Idealistic Alfred Adler says that what is needed to cure neurosis is for the neurotic to give up his desire for superiority and work for social interests. Adler says that the exigencies of the neurotic’s problematic body and social life made him feel inferior and he compensates with quixotic desire for superiority; the solution, he says, is for the neurotic, such as himself, to just help other people and the world becomes kosher. But what is it about people that makes it necessary to work for their good; are average people not mere animals; rational persons often prefer the company of their dogs to the company of normal people; I prefer the company of my dog to the company of the average American/African, white, or black. No, sacrificing one’s life for people is the most stupid thing that one can do.
  1. What is useful is to identify what one considers good and live for it, not because of other people’s good but because one considers it good. This is the existentialist solution (as said Sartre, Camus, Jasper, Heidegger etc.).
  1.  In effect, one does what new age religionists say, create one’s reality and live it; all along one was disappointed because one created one’s reality and wanted to impose it on the rest of the world and since the rest of the world have their own self-created realities, they would not accept one’s self-created reality.
  1. Therefore, one ought to just create one’s reality and live it; that is what life on earth is all about; we all came here to create our realities, albeit dream realities; in truth, as Helen Schucman said in her book, A course in miracles, our lives in body and ego, in space, time, and matter are dreams; she said that our real lives is as God created us, in unified spirit self, which we tuned out to come to earth to live a life  we self-invented. But how do we know that reality that is as God created it, is that not just another idealistic thinking?
  1.  Should one then shut up and do what realistic folks, animals to booth, do, and just do science and not worry about meaning and purpose?
  1. What is this reality that realistic people embrace and scientists’ study?
  1. Is reality not a mental construct, too? How do we know that there is an objective world that exists outside us? Everything we see in the outside world is our perception; at best, we color what we see with our presuppositions, and, at worst, there is really nothing out there and our thinking projected out the seeming objective universe we think that we see as real?
  1. How do we know that realists are not the most self-deceived people on earth because they take their projections as real and do not doubt them?
  • There seems to be no exit from this conundrum!

Ozodi Osuji

October 1, 2022

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