We can learn about us by understanding our dreams

We can learn a lot about our lives by understanding our dreams.

Ozodi Osuji

The spider web dream at Anglican Grammar School dormitory was telling me that something is holding me back, preventing me from living fully and that I am struggling to free me from it. That something holding me back was my huge ego and its fear of making mistakes and failing.

In class three, at secondary school, I was sleeping on my dormitory bed and had a dream. In this dream I was lying on my bed and a spider wrapped its web around me and I could not free myself from it; I became afraid that it would strangle me to death and struggled to free me from it and in doing so woke up, still in fear, panic, really.
The meaning of this dream is that my unconscious mind says that something is holding me back from living fully and that I am struggling to free me from it.
During those secondary school days, I used to wish that I participated in team sports but because of my weak body, I had excruciating pain when another boy’s leg touched mine in a soccer tackle, thus I avoided contact sports, and participated only in non-contact sports like running and tennis.
Something is holding me back from full participation in life, with the other boys (we were then fifteen years old boys). The initial stuff holding me back was my problematic body but the secondary huge ego that I invented to enable me deal with my fragile body became the primary source of my self-limitation.
My false, huge ego was afraid of making mistakes and failing; to avoid making mistakes and failing I avoided situations where I was likely to fail. I devoted enormous time and energy to defending my humongous ego.
When I let go of the desire for a big ego and its attendant fear of making mistakes and failing, I began living more fully and freely.
The biological initiator of the construction of the ginormous ego can be understood and one undertakes to rise above it, rise above one’s body and ego defenses and live more fully.
For example, these days I do not spend enormous time seeking to become a humongously important and powerful ego; I am not bothered by failing or making mistakes, as I used to be when I was a teenager (then I avoided classes where I was not going to make A grades…I loved physics but was poor in mathematics; I actually contemplated not taking physics because I did not want to obtain a crummy grade from it).
Now I just throw myself into life and do whatever I want to do regardless of how well or not I do in it. I tell me that the ego is a false mental construct, and I am not going to permit a mere mental construct, a mere desire to hold me back from doing whatever I want to do. To hell with the huge ego, it is artificial, and one must not limit one’s life because one merely wishes for a false, separated self.
One is part of unified life, so live that life and do not bother with how well you live it. I find my life now less marred by fear and anxiety and more peaceful and happier.
The ego, big or small, limits one from living fully and makes one live a tense, conflicted and unhappy life; the effort to defend the big ego with the various ego defense mechanisms (repression, suppression, denial, projection, displacement, rationalization, sublimation, reaction-formation, minimizing, fantasy, fear, anger, guilt, shame, pride and so on) holds one back.
One must stop being defensive (of the artificial construct called the human ego); one must live defenselessly and have fun with life.

MY MIND ENSLAVED ME AND WILL FREE ME, WILL MAKE ME GOD REALIZED

It is clear to me that my mind, thinking, is responsible for my self-enslavement; my mind invented a ginormous ego for me, and I sought to live as it; that pursuit contributed to my fear and anxiety and emotional conflicts; the original fear is from my weak body; my ego was trying to use my mind to overcome my biological deficits.
It is my mind that enslaved me via my pursuit of a huge ego and giving me the attendant fear (fear of harm and death exists in all human beings but fear, anxiety is accentuated in those pursuing huge egos).
It is also my mind that has understood the problem and liberated me from it when I give up the desire for the humongous ego and eliminate ego defenses and fear.
My mind will make me God realized, now; that now can be this very second, minute or next hour, or tomorrow or in the next lifetime; everything occurs in the eternal now of God.
God realization occurs when one completely gives up the desire for the ego separated self, let one’s ego die; in ego death one resurrects in the Christ, the son of God who lives as his father created him, joined to God and all people, loves, and forgives all people.
When self-realization occurs for each of us has already been set; it is going to occur now but make sure that you know what that now means.

Ozodi Osuji
May 24, 2023

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