We blame other people to feel ego innocence



Ozodi Osuji

     Yesterday, March 21, 22, I had an immensely powerful urge to blame two people in my life. My mind kept reviewing what they did wrong and asking me to blame them. I kept resisting going down that road. In the evening, I decided to find out why I have a strong need to blame them.

     When I was a kid, my father used to blame me, blame my other siblings and blame my mother, and I did not like it one bit, so why do I want to blame other people when I know that they would not like it one bit? I thought about why I want to blame other people until about 12:30 AM and think that I got the answer. Let me attempt to explain why we like to blame other people for our issues; my explanation is rooted in my understanding of A course in miracles (which is part of my Gnostic Christianity).

     I, the ego, blame other people because I want to seem innocent; in blaming people, I am saying, in effect, that it is not my fault that whatever I am blaming people for happened, it is their fault. In my mind I enumerate all the things that the person I want to blame did wrong and tell myself why he or she is blame-worthy, and I am not blame worthy.

     But why do I want to seem innocent when pure reason tells me that I am not innocent because what I blame somebody else for, if analyzed, shows that I contributed to it; if I must blame anyone at all, I should blame all of us, myself included.

     All of us are guilty for whatever happened that makes me want to blame the person my mind wants to blame, but I would like to deny my blame worthiness and see the other person as blame worthy and blame him or her.


     The ego feels that one did something worthy of blame and knows that blaming oneself does not make one feel good, so it blames other people for one’s guilt and tells one that one is innocent.

     If one is innocent and not blame worthy and other people are guilty and blame worthy, then one is good; other people are bad people, that way, one justifies doing terrible things to them.

      Something wrong happened and I do not want to take responsibility for it and want other people to be responsible for it and be blamed for it. But deep down I feel responsible for what went wrong; I feel like I am blame worthy and do not want to blame me and, instead, blame the other person.

     Yesterday, I and L were the people that my mind wanted to blame. My rational mind knows that whereas what they did is wrong, I contributed to it and if I must blame them, I must also blame me for that wrong.

     If I identify with the ego separated self, I want to blame other people to seem innocent. I want to blame Africans and Black people in general for being backward. This means that I feel blameworthy for Africans’ backwardness, deny my sense of blame worthiness and instead blame other Africans.

      Alternatively, my ego mind says that white people are responsible for the problem I see in Black folks that I want to blame Black people for.

     I see young Black people engage in unnecessary crimes, such as stealing. I blame them. A part of me says to me that the structure of white society that deprives Black people jobs set them up to steal, so, I blame white people for Black people’s behaviors. Along this pattern of blaming other people, like other Africans, I blame the Western world for keeping Africa backward and underdeveloped. Walter Rodney did that, big time, in his book, How Europe underdeveloped Africa.

      It is either that I am blaming Black people, or I am blaming white people. In my mind someone must be guilty and blamed for the problems I see in my world. My ego wants to blame somebody, not me for the problems I see around me.


     I am levelheaded but have on occasion raised my voice at those I believe did me wrong. The times that I yelled at people occurred when I saw a mistake they made and blamed them for it: I yelled at them for making the perceived mistake.

    In raising my voice at them, I am saying, in effect, that it is not my fault that the problem occurred and that it is their fault. My ego is yelling and accusing them of causing the problem and telling me that I am innocent for the causation of the problem.

     When our teenage daughter misbehaved, such as not returning home when we asked her to return home, I felt angry. I once yelled at her and later accused her mother of causing the problem by being too lenient on her.

     What was really happening there was that I felt blamable for our daughter’s injurious behavior and denied responsibility for it and gave the responsibility to her mother. Objectively, speaking her mother is lenient whereas I am rigid in sticking to morality, so I blamed her when our daughter engaged in inappropriate behaviors.

     At the root of my yelling was that I felt blamable for how our daughter turned out. I felt guilty for what she did and then gave that guilt away to my wife (in giving the guilt away I retained it).

    So, what is the root of my guilty feeling and need to give that guilt to other people?


      I feel separated from my real self; I pretend to be another self, the false, moralistic ego self. The son of God separated from his father, and in the temporal universe he made, he sees problems; he wants to blame somebody else for those problems.

     I do not want to be blamed for the problems of the separated world but think that other people should be blamed for them and if they are blamed then I am innocent.

     God created us innocent, but that innocence is for all of us whereas the egos innocence is for the individual while finding other people not innocent.

     One wants to be innocent when one, at the deep level, feels guilty. I feel guilty for separating from my real self and for constructing a false ego self and identifying with it. To identify with an ego, false self is to have tried to murder one’s real self, the son of God, and remake him as one wants him to be. If you try to kill yourself, you must feel guilty.

     To separate from my real self is to attack my real self. I feel guilty for attacking my real self; I constructed a false, separated self-concept, the ego in body and live as it.


     There is an existential reason I want to blame other people and see me as innocent. To live on earth, live as a separated ego in body, I feel like I did something wrong by separating from my real self, the son of God, Christ.

     God created his son as part of his self and all other sons of God. I feel like I committed what the Catholic Church calls original sin by separating from God and his creations.

     We all have a sense of original sin, for being human beings, because we feel that to be human, we had to separate from our real self and from God and live as the ego replacement selves we made to substitute for the unified spirit self that God created us as.

      We do not want to be consciously aware of that supposed original sin hence we quickly blame other people for what are going wrong in our lives.


      A course in miracles says that for me, a son of God, to separate from God I must be more powerful than God. The book says that while we are in unified spirit, heaven, we, the sons of God, collectively wished to seem more powerful than God. God is more powerful than us for he created us, and we cannot create ourselves. To seem more powerful than God and to seem to have created ourselves we invented a seeming separated universe of space, time and matter and now seem to live in it.

     The idea of me been more powerful than God is preposterous. God is more powerful than his son, so I am not more powerful than God. The whole, God, is larger than the sum of its parts. I cannot raise my hand if the wind is blowing extremely hard; the whole permits me to do whatever I do.

      Because I cannot be more powerful than God, I have not separated from him; the part cannot separate from the whole. Separation from God is impossible. Yet, I see me as a separated self in ego and body. I am merely sleeping and dreaming that I am separated from God and other sons of God and feeling guilty for doing so.

     Guilty feeling from sense of separation is a trick to make me seem more powerful than God because if, I, in fact, separated from him then I am more powerful than God; the part is now more powerful than the whole, impossible.

        In truth I remain as God created me, an eternal part of him and a part of his other creations; at the deepest level we all remain part of God’s unified spirit self and did not and cannot separate from him and from each other.


      Since I have not separated from God, and it is separation that makes one feel sinful, then I am not sinful, guilty and unholy. Since you have not separated from God, you, too, are not guilty, sinful and unholy; all human beings remain as God created them, unified with him; our minds are still joined to God’s mind and to each other’s mind.

     Separation is an illusion, but we constructed an environment of space, time and matter and placed ourselves in bodies that seem separated from other people’s bodies and from God hence in our awareness we seem separated beings.

      Our sense of separation makes us feel guilty, sinful and unholy. We individually deny that sense of sin, guilt, and project it to other people. I deny my sense of existential sin and guilt and project it to those I blame for the wrong I see in my life.


     The physical universe is a dream; in it we do seem separated from each other and from our creator; in the world we do what seems dreadful things to each other.

       My daughter has a genius level IQ; she attended an elementary school for gifted kids and was invited by universities before she was fourteen years old. Thereafter, she dropped out of school. I had expected her to become a medical doctor at an early age because at age four she used to read her mother’s college textbooks on biology and chemistry. When she dropped out of school, I was angry at her. I blamed her for disappointing my expectations from her.

     I was doing what my father did when I did not enter the best secondary school in my world, a school he wanted me to go to, but my score at the entrance examination to that school was not good enough. He would say to his friends that it is not his fault that Tom (me) did not enter our local Eton, and say, do not blame me for him not doing so; blame my wife and blame Tom. In effect, his wife and his son are guilty for his disappointment, not him; his ego blamed other egos and maintained its ego sense of innocence.

      I have a friend, a retired college professor of mathematics. His three sons are into serious drinking alcohol, one of them is a drug addict. Every few weeks he would call me and bring the behavior of his sons into our conversation. I keep quiet because I suspect that he is partially responsible for how his children behaved.

     My friend kept talking about the problems of his sons, so, one day I said, James, have you ever wondered what role you played in your sons’ proclivity to alcohol and drugs. You have PhD, and your wife has PhD and both of you were college professors, yet your three sons gravitated to alcohol (all three of them have bachelor’s degrees and did not want to continue with education).

      The moment that I asked him if he pondered his role in his sons’ behaviors, he got irate and yelled at me. He said, “it is not my fault, I do not drink alcohol or smoke, neither did my wife; I even sent one of them to an expensive private school, so how could what they do be my fault?”

      His ego is invested in seeming innocent and seeing his sons as blameworthy for how they turned out. He does not want to examine the role he played in his sons’ problems.

      I learned not to bring the subject up, again, but given systems theory that says all of us affect all of us, and that all of us respond to what all of us do, so the man is implicated in his children’s problems.

     What the man is doing is what I am doing regarding my daughter who dropped out of school (obviously I did something that contributed to it, what, I do not know, she even went to a private school). What both of us are doing is the same as what my father did when I did not get accepted by our local Eton and he was furious at me and blamed me; father was always telling his brothers that it was not his fault that I did not go to the school of his dreams, Kings College, Lagos. It is my fault; it is his wife’s fault but not his fault; he sees his self as perfect and innocent despite how things are (we have an amazing family, father’s brothers’ children went to universities, some are medical doctors, engineers and lawyers and PhD researchers in America, the same goes for my father’s children; some of us attended the best universities in the world, such as Stanford, Columbia, John’s Hopkins and UCLA).


     In the here and now world, we are all at fault. My father was at fault for the pressure he placed on me to study hard, which was unbearable for twelve years old me. Suppose that I did not want to study, should not I have the right not to go to the best schools in the world. He should not have placed so much pressure on me.

     My father blamed me for his disappointments. I, too, blamed my daughter because she disappointed me. Both father and I feel blameworthy for how our children turned out, deny it and want to seem innocent; both of us said: do not blame us, blame other people for what went wrong in our lives.


      I have a significant other, a secondary school mathematics teacher; she does not forgive anyone. At the slightest problem in your relationship with her, she tells you about all the evils you did to her; apparently, she keeps a note of the evils you did in the past and will tell you about them whenever you offend her; recently, I was surprised that she still remembers the wrong I supposedly did to her eight years ago! (Generally, I do not keep records of what other people did wrong to me; if you offended me, I tell you about it, forget it and move on with my life.)

    I once said to her, why don’t you ever forgive the wrong that folks did to you many years ago? Of course, she does not have an answer for me; she just likes to not forgive people for their wrongs. I reminded her that the essence of the spirituality that she talks about is forgiveness. Jesus taught his disciples to forgive one another but she likes not to forgive anyone.

     So why does she not like to forgive those who wronged her, why bear grudges and grievances and seek vengeance for her so-called enemies? I believe that the reason she is an unforgiving person is because she feels that she is responsible for the problems in her relationship, denies them and projects blame to her partners.

      A course in miracles says that when you feel pain in any part of your body you have wished evil for a brother that you do not want to forgive. This woman does not want to forgive any one and consequently is always complaining about medical issues.


     Much of A course in miracles is a discourse on how to heal our special love relationships, how to forgive our partners and thus transform our relationships to what it calls Holy Relationships.

     I am not even going to try to explain special love relationships here; the 1300 pages book devoted over two hundred pages to it; suffice it to say that it is our usual ego based self- interested relationships, you scratch my back and I scratch your back.

     In Holy relationships you forgive people and overlook their wrongs, you overlook folks’ egos and bodies and what they do with those and acknowledge the spirit of God in them, the innocent sons of God in them.

     Holy relationships give us happy dreams; they begin in this world and take us to the gate of heaven, but not into heaven, for to enter heaven we must give up all illusions, give up our belief that we have separated selves living as egos and bodies; we must return to the awareness that we are unified self before we return to God.

     My unforgiving significant other, who is, in degrees, all of us, does not want to be blamed for any wrong she did to people. Like me and my father and friend, she does not like been blamed, she wants to see herself as innocent and see the rest of us as blamable; she sees herself as a victim and us as victimizers. Deep down she feels existential guilt and sin, denies it and blames other people for it, to not be consciously aware of her sin of separating from her real sell, son of God, and living as a false ego self in body.

      To live as an ego separated self in body is to have tried to murder one’s real self, which is spirit, and replaced him with the ego in body, a body that would die, rot and smell like feces.


     One must be totally dependent on God for guidance, protection and everything in one’s life; to not do so is to believe that one is able to protect oneself; this is part of the authority question, who created you, you or God, a question that led the son of God to separation and invention of this world; the son of God desires been more  powerful than God and to attain that chimera invented this world of illusions. Forgiveness of the ego and what it does in oneself and in all people is salvation.


      Each of us, with the help of all of us, invented his ego, separated self-concept. The ego separated self-concept is a thing of insanity; it does not exist, yet we believe that it exists and see it as who we are. To see oneself as the ego separated self is to be deluded and to hallucinate.

    One must completely let go of the ego self-concept and have no self that one made for oneself to be sane.

      A healed mind has given up his ego self-concept and relies on the Holy Spirit to guide him.

    Ego psychotherapists do not aim at eliminating the ego altogether but at improving it so that it is more able to have a good relationship with other egos; because they want to retain the ego, secular therapists cannot heal anyone (have you seen anyone healed by secular by psychotherapy?).

      Making the ego strong is madness; sanity lies in egolessness, ego defenselessness; in defenselessness lies our real strength, for it means that one depends on God for guidance and protection, which is reality.


       Each of us feels guilty and sinful because we separated from our real self, the son of God who is spirit, and separated from our father, God. We cannot separate from God and each other and merely are dreaming that we are egos and bodies living in the universe of space, time and matter.

      Ego, body, matter, space and time are illusions. The physical universe is an illusion; we have not separated from God; we remain as God created us hence have not committed sin and are not guilty. We remain unified with God and with all our brothers in spirit hence are always innocent, guiltless, sinless and holy.

     But we believe that we have separated from God hence feel guilty, deny our guilt, and project it to other people and see ourselves as innocent egos and see other people as guilty; we want the guilty others to be punished by God.

     God knows that all his sons are still parts of him and have not separated from him and cannot separate from him thus are always innocent.

     What we do on earth is done in a dream setting; what is done in dreams has not been done. Because we have not done what we do in the dream, we remain innocent.

     God sees all of us as innocent, sinless, guiltless, and holy. God knows us to be his holy sons and wants us to see each other, despite what we do on earth, as innocent and love each other as he loves us.

     But our egos would like to believe that we separated from God for that makes us more powerful than God and that sense of separation makes us feel guilty.

     We would rather feel guilty because it means that we are more powerful than God, we have destroyed the unified world that God created. But all these are fantasy because we remain unified with God, we remain spirit, not egos in bodies.

      The ego and body, space and time are dreams, hallucinations, delusions, fantasies; illusions are not reality.


     What this means is that Africans are not guilty, they are unblameable; I used to blame them for selling their people to Arabs, Europeans and to themselves and for being backward.

     White people who, on account of Africans backwardness, enslaved them are not guilty, either. White, black, and Asian people, all human beings are not guilty and must not be blamed for what we see them do on earth; their seeming evils are done in a dream state and has not been done; they must be forgiven; we must overlook the dream state (this is easier said than done, as I write the deluded and psychopathic Vladimir Putin  is killing innocent Ukrainians and everything in me wants to put him out of his murderous existence).

     When we overlook the dream state, we see ourselves in a purified state; we see us in light forms. Yes, when we forgive each other, we see each other in light forms; I have, on several occasions, when I forgive the world, and see all people as innocent and love them, seem people in light forms.

     We live in three states: we live in dense matter, body, denoting that we live as ego separated selves; we also live in light bodies, the light world is seen when we forgive each other; we live as formless spirit selves (in heaven).

     Heaven is in our minds, just as the world of light forms is in our minds and the world of dense bodies is in our minds; we see the world that corresponds to our thinking and behavior: if we hate we are in egos and bodies, if we forgive, we are in the world of light forms and if we love we are in the formless light world of God.

     What folks call heaven is a field of one continuous light. That light has two parts, a wave (called God) and particles of the wave (called the sons of God); wave and particles are one shared self; in God we are joined and connected to each other; there is no space between us and each other and God.

      I first reached the above conclusions intellectually; at around 1 AM March 22, 2022; I embraced them at the emotion level.

     Now, I understand the reasons why I blame other people at the intellectual level; I know that I do so in a dream and that in spirit no one is guilty, and no one is to be blamed.

     In accepting our unified spirit self and innocence I feel peace; it is the type of peace of God that passes human understanding that Saint Paul talked about.

     In case you want to share my lifestyle, I tend to see me as spirit and ignore my body and ego; I see people as spirits and overlook their egos and bodies and what they do with them; in doing so I live in relative peace in this insane world of ours.

     Africans have a penchant for blaming white folks for their underdeveloped status; they should forgive the wrong the West did to them, forgive slavery and their present ripping off Africa’s resources and work for a fair and just world.

     Blaming people does not make Africans strong; in fact, it makes them weak; forgiveness will make Africans strong and developed.

Ozodi Osuji

March 22, 2022

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