GOD HAS ALREADY SAVED ME; IT IS ME WHO WISH FOR EGO SEPARATED SELF THAT CONDEMNED ME
God has already had mercy on me and saved me. From the moment that I wished for individuated power and separation to go accomplish it, God created the Holy Spirit and used him to reinvent me and the world I invented.
I invented the ego separated self in body, a self that will die and rot, a self I made to shame God and say, see, a powerful God created this soon to die and decay body hence created nothing and, as such, is powerless (God created the spirit in us not our bodies, we invented our bodies), God has already reinvented me in light form.
Since I want to be in form, space and time God allowed me to be in form, space and time but now made me in light form that will not die and remade my ugly world of matter into a world of light forms.
In my pain I ask: God, why don’t you have mercy on me, your son, and make life easier on me, why do I have to suffer this much?
God says that he has already had mercy on me, and you; he has already given me, and you what he thinks is worth the attention of his son, light body, light world that is almost eternal, to be replaced with the eternal formless world of God when I want to come home.
It is me who insist on being in ego, defend the ego and body; I am the one who is full of me, I, I, I, ego separated self, a non-existent self that gives me only pain and suffering; I insist on it because I made it, and I am proud of it.
I do not want the self that God created for me, the light Christ self, and the formless self in God, for those seem to take away my power to create me in body, a body that will die but gives me a sense of doing something important; I am proud of my ego-body handiwork, as God is proud of his son, the formless Christ and the Christ in form that lives for as long as this universe lives.
WHAT TO DO
I must have no desire for an ego separated self; I must have no desire for a grandiose ego self; I must have no desire for separate will from God’s will; I must always ask what God’s will for me is before I do anything; I must ask God’s Holy Spirit in me, he is in my right mind, he is my loving part, what to do before I do anything.
Every morning I must ask God for his will to be done in my life, not my ego wishes; only God’s will is real and is good for me; my ego wishes are not good for me; the ego does not know what is good for me, it gives me only pain. I must remain quiet and do nothing until God’s Holy Spirit tells me what to do.
I LIVE FROM THE HOLY SPIRIT; GOD’S WILL NOT MY EGO’S WILL
On earth, I cannot live directly from the will of the son of God, my real will, for on earth I am a dream figure; in unified spirit, heaven, the son of God is sleeping and dreaming through my earthly ego and body; If I wake up and live as the son of God my will is the same as the will of God and I would not see me on earth but would be awake in formless spirit state.
On earth and in the world of light forms I can only live from either the ego wishes for separation or from the Holy Spirit call for union in separated state, but not directly from God or from his son’s will.
April 6, 2021