I DID TO ME EVERYTHING THAT HAS HAPPNED TO ME AND HAVE NO OTHER PERSON TO BLAME
It is tempting to blame other persons for how one’s life turns out. It is a self-delusion to blame other people. Blaming other persons is an escape from the truth.
The truth is that one did everything that happens to one. But one would like to blame it all on other people, especially on racism, the white man, for that seems an acceptable means of justifying what one calls failure and retain positive ego social face. But that is no explanation. Other people and the white man did nothing to me that I did not ask them to do to me.
In graduate school I realized that I did not find what I was learning interesting. I am idealistic and find whatever is taught in the real world not good enough for they are imperfect whereas I was looking for perfection.
I tried other things, such as psychology and business administration and took tons of classes on them and still did not find them interesting enough to commit to them (I have so many college degrees that it is not funny!).
I could not totally commit to any line of endeavor; I did all sorts of things to pay my bills. But those who are successful in this world tend to commit to a narrowly focused subject and throw their entire life into it and do it twenty-four seven and make a living from it.
In my thirties, I tried spirituality and it became an escapist venture; there is no end to it, it is decades long examination of esoteric ideas none leading to a conclusive end; moreover, none offering a way to make a living from it.
I decided that instead of seeking knowledge from external to me I should write and do what makes sense to me, not what makes sense to my idealistic ego for ego idealism like spiritual idealism is an escape from ego and spirit reality.
What makes sense to me is to love me, love other people and love the whole self that folks call God. I accept that the whole is larger than the sum of its parts (the whole contains the parts and must be larger than them).
God is the whole self, whole life, and we are all parts of him. He is larger than us for each of us is his extension. He knows more than each of us knows and all of us know. There is always something that the individual does not know. He, I, must remain silent and ask the whole self, God, to lead him instead of leading his self with limited information.
This is where I stand today.
THE HOLY SPIRIT, YOUR RIGHT MIND REMAKES THE MISTAKES OF YOUR LEFT, WRONG MIND
Your wrong mind desires separation from the whole mind, God and establishes this universe, and makes the mistakes that you have made; the right side of your whole mind, the Holy Spirit accepting that you still want to be in separation remakes the world you made, transforms your mistakes into something that makes you live happily in the still dream, delusion that you are separated from the whole mind, God, heaven.
My left mind vacillated as to what profession it makes a living from, my right mind takes the experience gained in that vacillation to know what I am good at and uses it to make a living for me, such as writing this stuff.
IF IN THE WORLD OF LIGHT FORMS, I CAN DECIDE TO RETURN TO EARTH AND TO MY BODY I CAN ALSO DO SO ON EARTH
While in the world of light forms, I decided to return to my body on earth and instantaneously was back in my body; if I can do that in the world of light forms, I can also do it on earth.
World of light forms, earth are mere ideas in our minds, not places; but if one places limitations on one’s mind that one can only travel instantaneously in the world of light forms so it will be for one.
If one has the mind of God, one certainly can use it to make money and live as a rich person for the powerful mind of God can give one wealth beyond imagination.
If one’s wrong mind invented this whole universe and one’s right mind improves it, then one has enormous power.
Limitations are placed on us by us, not by God; God gave us the freedom to do whatever we want to do; what we cannot do is destroy the whole/God for that is impossible.
IDEALISM IS COMPULSIVELY MOVING TO SOMETHING THAT YOU DEFINE AS PERFECT AND IS OUTSIDE YOU AND YOU WANT TO GET TO IT; WHEN YOU STOP DOING SO YOU LOOK INSIDE YOU AND NOW LOOK QUIETLY, NOT DRIVEN; YOU MAY SEEM TO LACK MOTIVATION FOR ACTION BUT ACTUALLY IS NOW MOTIVATED TO SEEK HEALTHY THINGS
When you are idealistic, you have rejected your real self and seek alternative ideal self; you use your imagination to construct ideal you, ideal other people, ideal everything and seek to attain them. You place them outside you and seek to reach them, but the goals are always extended for perfection is never attained.
You can never attain perfection and ideals for they are mere products of imagination not reality. Reality is always imperfect.
In the meantime, you are driven to attain ideals and perfection and know no peace in your mind and body; you are always tense, like a primed rocket off seeking its false target of perfection.
When you stop seeking external goals of perfection you attain inner peace and initially seem not motivated to do anything. You appear depressed, for it is depression with the real that led one to seek ideals and perfection to cover it up.
Now you live quietly with what is, not what should be. Your motivation is the quiet type and pursues what is attainable in the real world.
Pursuing realistic goals you attain them, whereas in the past when you pursued unrealistic goals you did not attain them, for they were unattainable.
Pursuing idealism and quest for perfection is called immaturity; maturity is living with what is, not what can be; this is called growing up, even gaining wisdom!
When I write I assume that there is one person out there who can benefit from what I write. I am acutely aware that most people are normal and, as such, are fast asleep and take their dreams as real; they are not yet ready to embark on a spiritual quest. On our extant earth, I doubt that there are more than a handful people who are ready to embark on the return journey to their real self, the son of God and to our father, God. Most people are like cattle, happy grazing grass. They are not yet aware that there are people like me who even at age six, when I began elementary school, this world seemed like garbage, and I began looking for a better world and better self hence the pursuit of idealism and perfection. I have a Yoruba friend, Abayomi; he is only twenty years old and is already an engineer and writes science and philosophy and poetry like he is an old man; he reminds me of me when I was twenty years old and looked for people to discuss all Western philosophers with and could find none. It is amazing how nature produces gifted persons like Abayomi and I rarely (I estimate his IQ to be, at least, 150). That man is destined for a Nobel Prize in Physics or something else. It is really a joy reading his writing. On the other hand, when I read other folks’ writings, especially Nigerians, it is like I am reading stuff by nine-year-old children, mentally retarded and emotionally warped and personality disordered (they mostly know how to derive sadistic pleasure from insulting each other, not from building each other up).
December 1, 2021