IF YOU WANT TO CHANGE A PERSON WITH PERSONALITY DISORDER YOU HAVE A HARD ROAD
If you have desire to change a person with personality disorder, such as narcissistic, paranoid, antisocial, schizoid, schizotypal, borderline, histrionic, obsessive compulsive, avoidant and dependent you are crazier than him. No one has found a way to change the thinking and behavior patterns of personality disordered persons; all that you can do is understand how these people behave and explain it to them and they can understand it, but you cannot change them, nor should you aim at changing them, for you are not God; only they can change themselves; and that requires them employing both scientific and spiritual psychologies.
I dealt with the spiritual aspect of human beings feeling of inadequacy elsewhere; in this piece, suffice it to say that existence in the universe, as a separated self, contributes to people’s sense of incompletion and their striving after completion and adequacy which morphs into exaggerated grandiose concept and self-image, seen in persons with mental disorders and personality disorders. To heal personality disorders, require the individual to find an acceptable spirituality, whatever reduces his grandiose self-assessment and make him feel humble and accept a higher power as in charge of his life.
To date there are no medications employed in healing persons with personality disorders, psychotherapists employ only talk based therapies for them. Of all the talk-based therapies, only Cognitive Behavior Therapy have some utility in helping these people (See Aaron T. Beck and Arthur Freeman, Cognitive Therapy of Personality Disorders).
People’s personality disorder is how they adapted to the realities of their inherited bodies and the physical and social environment. It cannot be changed by wishing for it to change or by talking about it.
The paranoid person feels inadequate and compensated with desire to seem powerful and important and now claims to be very powerful, wealthy and a genius, all a mask over his underlying sense of inferiority, telling lies to those effects, arguing with folks, trying to win at all times and have them lose so as to maintain his sense of superiority, for to lose is to feel inferior which he does not want to feel, denying what he sees in his self and projecting it to other people, being cowardly and fearful and projecting his denied shame to other people, all these are what he does to avoid accepting that he feels like he is not important.
The narcissist who seeks every person’s attention, feels special and manipulates people to get attention, like Donald Trump does, will not change that lifestyle, even if in doing so he gets the entire country to war.
I have not seen a changed schizoid person, schizotypal person, paranoid person, narcissistic person, obsessive-compulsive person, I have not seen even neurotics with anxiety disorder and behaviors like avoidant and or dependent personalities change, for each of those personalities is adaptation to their bodies and society.
One should not worry about these people; one can use them to learn about one’s own behavior pattern and correct whatever personality issues one has and leave folks alone.
For example, learning that paranoids and narcissists pursuit of grandiose self-concept and self-image makes them unable to settle on a profession and job, for all professions and jobs are too small for them, one can learn from them and settle on a job that one likes doing without insisting that it be the most important and powerful job in society, as paranoids and narcissists insist on doing.
We have not understood the compendium of brain and other physiological issues in these folks’ bodies that made them feel small and inadequate and respond with exaggerated adequacy, power and importance. If we have not understood the biological causes of a problem, how can we solve it? Nor is it only one biological causal factor but many system malfunctions.
Persons with personality disorders can have jobs and make money to live on so leave them to live their problematic lives.
At this point in time, we have no known way of healing mental disorders, such as schizophrenia and bipolar affective disorder and no way of healing personality disorders.
One should strive to get rid of one’s sense of having a separated self and not defend it and live as part of unified life and flow with life and live happily and peacefully.
The below were written from observing a particular paranoid personality with delusion disorder.
THE PARANOID PERSON SEES SOMETHING IN HIM AND INSTEAD OF DEALING WITH IT HE DENIES IT AND PROJECTS IT TO OTHER PEOPLE AND THAT WAY KEEPS IT IN HIM
Paranoid Nebo does what is very shameful, such as not publicly acknowledge his real name (he sees it as being smart to hide his identity for that way he can hide and steal from unsuspecting other people or investigate them without them beating the crap out of his cowardly self), he denies that he behaves in a shameful manner and projects it out and calls other people shameful; whatever he sees in him he projects to other people and that way feels okay; he lives as a self-deceived, phony person.
Paranoids feel inadequate and inferior and deny it and want to be powerful, important and knowledgeable and claim high IQ. Nebo claims high IQ; he says that he is a genius but would not go to a psychologist and take IQ test, for he knows that if he did such test that he would be told that he is an average person pretending to be gifted. If he were to take such tests’ and is told that he is average he would deny the validity and reliability of such tests ability to assess him and say that only he knows what constitutes high IQ.
If given the opportunity he will argue with you until he thinks that he won and you lost, so do not get into argument with paranoid people, state the truth as you know it and leave them to argue and win and their shadows lose.
The man is invested in claiming high IQ in his deluded effort to seem important in people’s eyes; he is a slave to seeming important in people’s eyes.
This man is a prisoner of his deluded mind; he is caught in a vicious circle. He keeps digging the hole he is in, deeper and deeper; it is difficult for him to get himself out. He must tell lies to cover the previous lies he told; he is a habitual, pathological liar; believe him at your peril.
This is sad for all he must do is realize that he is not better than other people, that he is an ordinary man and stop the psychological compulsion to seem better than other people, for no human being could ever be better than other people.
Beck, Aaron and Freeman, Arthur (1990). Cognitive Therapy of Personality Disorders. New York: The Guilford Press.
February 16, 2022