GRATITUDE TO THOSE WHO DID YOU BAD HELPS YOU LIVE PEACEFULLY
Like most people, growing up, I heard from my folks of the need for gratitude. I was told to be grateful to all people who did me favor and to those who did to me what I did not like. I was thankful to those, who as the world sees it, positively helped me.
To me, the idea of being grateful to those who harmed me seemed like mere platitude. There are those who did awful things to me that I am not grateful to. I simply hated those who wronged me. For example, I hated white racists for enslaving black folks and discriminating against them. Gratitude to white folks was far from my mind. My mind was filled with hatred for all human beings who did what I perceived as injurious to me.
So, this morning I woke up at 5 AM and, as usual, an idea enters my mind, and I could not let go of it until I had thought it through. The idea was gratitude.
I asked me, why are we supposed to be grateful to those who helped us and wronged us? There must be a reason why the wise people of this world told us to be grateful to both those who helped us and those who wronged us. Why must I like those who wronged me.
I laid on my bed and did what I call free association and simply allowed ideas to pass through my mind without identifying with any of them.
My mind focused on a recent relationship I had that ended in a messy manner. I reviewed the relationship and asked myself whether I could feel grateful for it?
I had a relationship with a woman. She called me (I live in Alaska and she lives in Arizona) and told me that she is sick. I took a plane to go visit her. I got to her place. My son called and said that he would like to come over on a Friday and leave on Sunday, with the intention of meeting my lady friend. I said yes to his request.
Thereafter, I told the woman that my son wants to come visit us. She said that she does not want to see him at this time. I asked her why and she said that she does not want to be seen in her present state.
I talked to my son and he said that he wants to come to Arizona and go to Grand Canyon and that he would stay in a hotel and he and I would visit and then go to the Grand Canyon together.
I told the lady that my son is coming but would stay in a hotel and not come to see her and that we would go to the Grand Canyon.
She asked me how we are going to get to Grand Canyon, which is about three hours’ drive from her house. I observed that she has two cars and that we could use one of her cars. She said that she does not want us to use any of her cars.
I called my son and he said that we could rent a car for the visit to Grand Canyon.
I then asked myself why this lady does not want to see my son and would not allow us to use one of her cars?
Suddenly, I felt rage and decided to leave her. I made plane reservation to leave. But instead of immediately leaving I decided to tell her what I think of her.
I ignored the adage that says, when you are angry do not talk. I talked and awful things came out of my mouth. I called her a subhuman being and an animal. I asked what kind of relationship we have that she did not want to see my son. Well, I said hurtful things, which I should not have said.
I left and resolved to have nothing more to do with her. This episode occurred in November of last year (2020); I put her out of my mind; as far I was concerned, she no longer exists.
So, this morning I asked myself whether I could be grateful to her rather than be angry at her? The answer that came to my mind is yes. Why, I asked?
The following is what passed through my mind.
“You are angry at her because you believe that she treated you like shit. You believe that she did not respect you and your son. You called her a subhuman being and animal because you did not feel loved by her. You wanted her to love and respect you and your son. Instead, you believed that she treated you and your son disrespectfully.”
I asked me: why does it hurt me that another human being treated me disrespectfully and does not love me? What is it about me that it makes me feel bad if other people did not see me as I want to be seen, valued and respected?
I responded to my question with, it is my ego. I have a grandiose ego. Ala Alfred Adler’s individual psychology, I have a neurotic ego that wants to seem superior and important. Since I desire ego importance any human being who treats me as if I am not important makes me feel diminished.
The woman treated me as if I am not important. She did not want to see my son and did not want me to use one of her cars to visit where we wanted to visit. She sees me as insignificant and worthless despite professing to love me.
People value those they love; she treated me as if I have no value and worth hence does not love me.
Okay, what does that mean? It means that my grandiose ego wants other people to treat it as significant, important, and worthwhile. I made a judgement that she devalued me and felt angry at her. My vanity and pride were hurt by her not affirming my desire for worth in her eyes.
Now, suppose that I did not seek ego importance and significance would what she did hurt me? If I were not neurotically proud and seek superiority would her action bother me?
Epictetus said, it is not what other people did that bothers one, makes one anxious, angry, sad, depressed, paranoid but how one interprets it.
One interprets what happens in the world with ones already existing views of reality, one’s presupposition and preconception. I had desired love and respect and interpreted her behavior as lacking love and respect for me and that was what made me angry.
It was not what she said that made me angry but my thinking, cognition and mentation that made me angry at her. If I looked at what she said from different angles it would not elicit anger or any other affect in me.
If I did not desire love and respect from her, if I did not have a grandiose ego that wants all people to see it as important, I would not have been bothered by her seeming inconsiderate action.
In fact, if I did not have a grandiose ego, I would not even have been attracted to her. Clearly, she lacks understanding and is immature.
She is at Facebook talking about relationships but does something that to the average person is a relationship ender; she sees herself as the innocent one!
Her behavior does not show that she is aware that telling a man that she does not want to see his son would make him mad. But that is her issue, not mine.
If I were a self-loving man, a man with good self-esteem, I would have long known that she is who she is and not be part of her world.
I am in her world because of my desire for other people to see me as important. If I have good self confidence that does not care about what other people think of me what other people did would not bother me.
Her apparent treating me as shit (this is my perception but not hers, she sees herself as the innocent one) has a purpose for me.
Her behavior enabled me to realize that I am pursuing a false, grandiose self-image and that if I desire that deluded self-concept, what other people did to me would hurt me.
If I do not have a desire for a big self it would not matter what other people did to me. Her treating me like shit, therefore, is good for my maturation, for it taught me that I am other directed, that I seek external persons approval; I have what psychologists call external locus of authority and control; I value what other people think of me and if I believe that they see me negatively I feel anger, fear, sadness, and other emotional upsets.
Her behavior is designed to help me grow up, she did what she did to help me to accept me. I am supposed to stop looking externally for social approval but instead to go inwards and value me as I am, not my neurotic big self. In this sense she enabled me to become more mature.
What she did that my ego saw as degrading it is helpful for me, for it enabled me to give up my identification with a false big ego.
If I do not desire a big ego, then who am I? I do not know who I am. The idea is to look inwards, not outwards and find out who my real self is.
WHO AM I: EGO OR SON OF GOD?
According to A course in miracles, my real self is the son of God. The son of God is a part of God. God is all importance, eternal, permanent and changeless. As his son I am all importance, eternal, permanent and changeless. My real self is eternally important regardless of what other human beings say about it.
Prior to meeting this woman, I had identified with the ego false self and the ego seeks importance and believes that other people are able to give it that importance hence it wanted this woman to value it. Now, I am supposed to accept that I do not need this woman or any other human being’s acceptance to value me.
Her behavior that seemed belittling to my ego helped me to finally look inside me and accept my true self. In effect, she enabled me to grow up.
If I accept my inner self, not my ego external self I will live peacefully and happily. Therefore, she did me a favor. She, in effect, helped save me from my ego’s pursuit of social applause.
How should I respond to a sister that enabled me to look inwards and accept my real self? I should be grateful to her! I should thank her for finally telling me that I do not need her love and respect and acceptance before I accept myself.
Consciously, she did not aim to tell me that I do not need her acceptance; in fact, she probably felt that she has ego power and can decide to be disrespectful and not love a person, but her ego power tripping made me to see her as unnecessary in my life.
As of now, I do not need her; I do not value her presence in my life; her opinion of me means absolutely nothing to me. Be that as it may, I am thankful to her for enabling me to learn to no longer look to people like her for my sense of worth.
BLACK AND WHITE NEUROTIC RELATIONSHIPS IN THE USA
That brings me to black and white folk’s relationships. Many black folks seek approval and acceptance from white people. They want white people to see them as important before they see themselves as important.
Many white persons see black people as inferior to them. This negative perception of black people is the basis of racism and discrimination against black folks.
Racism seems bad, but it is, in fact, good for black folks! Why good? It enables black folks to not care about white people’s acceptance of them.
I personally do not care whether white people accept me or not. I do not care whether white people see me as important or not; their opinion of me is totally unimportant to me.
Long ago, I made an apriori conclusion that most white people are racist, and, as such, immature and infantile; if they were adults they would love and respect all people. If you do not love a human being, especially if you put him down you ought to know that you are inflicting psychological pain on that person. In as much as many white folks reject black folks hence inflict psychological pain on them, I see them as underdeveloped, savages; I have no need for the acceptance of savages.
A black man becomes self-accepting the day he does not seek acceptance from white people; if he seeks acceptance from white folks he must behave as they would approve and since most of them are deluded in their grandiose self-evaluation, he would be forced to try to do the deluded things white people approve for them to approve him.
Every black man must approve and accept his self, as he is, not as deluded white people want him to be. Accept your true self, who is a son of God, a part of life, a life that other people, black or white, did not give to you, a life that what folks call God gave you for you are part of it.
If a black man does not seek white folks’ approval and acceptance it does not bother him if they treat him as shit.
If they treat him as shit it means that they see themselves as shit, deny it and project their self- conception to black people; a person with positive self-esteem loves and respects all people, black and white.
It is for black people to accept their real self, live their real self and model that positive self-acceptance for all people and help heal white people of their obvious narcissistic personality disorder.
Just look at the recent president of white America (he was not the president of black America) President Donald Trump; in my opinion, he is garbage in human form; he is totally narcissistic; you do not need his acceptance for to desire acceptance from him is to desire a madman’s acceptance.
Returning to me, the encounter with a histrionic lady, a self-centered lady who wants to be admired but does not realize how she does not care for other people, enabled me to stop seeking attention from all women, and from men, white and black; I go inwards to find out who my real self is and accept it and live from it.
Thus, an episode in my life that my ego perceived as humiliating (she probably thought that she was powerful and degrading me) has taught me that I do not need external others to like me.
She has no power over me. If she identifies with ego and its false power, she is powerless and is nothing.
Only our true self, the son of God, Christ, Buddha, Chi has worth, and he is inside us not outside us.
My free association told me to be grateful to this interesting woman that wants men to admire her (she has many men admiring her but seem incapable of loving one of them, as histrionics do). She enabled me to understand my ego issues and resolve to transcend my ego and find out who my real self is and live from it.
In living from my real self, I know peace and joy; in living from the false, grandiose ego I knew only conflict and tension in my life.
She is thus my savior, for she enabled me to return to my real self. What she did is a blessing to me. If eventually she decides to live from her real self, not her narcissistic ego self, then she, too, would return to love, return to her real self, and live from peace and joy.
For now, she is not my concern; my concern is me; I am here to live from my real self, the Christ self, not the ego self that needs external others to approve it to seem to exist.
Christ exists eternally and does not need egos to tell it that it exists.
Every encounter that one has with another human being can heal one or damn one; what another person does to one can help one find salvation, redemption, and deliverance. What is healing, salvation, deliverance, and redemption?
To be sick is to be separated from God. To be healed and saved is to reclaim what one is already, always, joined state with God (one is always part of the whole self).
In our ego state we fancy that we are separated from God. That is what sickness is (sin and guilt). When we learn that we are always joined to God and cannot separate from him we are healed; our mental healing is reflected in our healed bodies.
A mind that believes itself separated from God is sick. It projects its sickness to its body and makes it sick. In body being sick it forgets that the sickness is in the mind.
When you return to the remembrance of your eternal union with God and while on earth allow God’s Holy Spirit, not your ego, to guide you, you are healed.
When your mind is healed, that is, rejoined to God, remember your oneness with God and all creation your body is automatically healed. Your medical issues would disappear.
My encounter with a woman that made my ego feel disrespected hence angry was used by my higher self, the Holy Spirit, the right part of my mind to learn that my problem is false self-identification.
Hitherto, I had rejected my real self, the son of God and identified with the ego, false self and sought it. If I seek to be an ego, other egos can reject me.
From the perspective of the Holy Spirit, other egos rejection of me is good for me, for it enables me to stop seeking approval from outside me and seek it from inside me, from my real self, from God.
What had seemed rejection by another human being is used by the Holy Spirit to teach me self-acceptance. When I accept my real self, the son of God, I am healed, and have positive self-esteem.
What seemed designed to damn me is now my salvation; therefore, I must be grateful to the woman who seemed to reject my ego and made me furious at her. She is used by the Holy Spirit to save me, to teach me to stop identifying with the ego and, instead, identify with Christ, unified self and live from it and in so doing return to living from peace and joy.
Every person you meet is your potential savior, if you interpret what he did to you from the perspective of the Holy Spirit.
White people reject black people. From the egos perspective this is an awful thing done to black people (hence they should feel angry at white folks) but from the Holy Spirit’s perspective that rejection of black egos disposed black people to live from their real self, sons of God, Christ and know peace hence racism helps return black people to their real self.
Racism saves black people from living in the hell and prison that is life in ego.
Having reclaimed awareness of their real selves, black people help white people to live from their real selves, love and become human beings, not the present unloving creatures that prefer hate to love.
We are each other’s saviors or cursers.
We must choose to see attack on us as a call for love by the attacker and love the attacker to love our real self and know peace.
Do not choose hatred, as the ego asked me to hate the egotistical woman. I choose love and forgiveness.
Forgiveness does not mean reinforcing her obvious narcissistic ego but staying away from her and from a distance help her learn love, and give up her ego arrogance, the type of arrogant power that she thought that she had, her behavior that initially made me see her as total shit but in time led me to realize that as an ego she is sick and it is not for me to heal her, only she can choose to not live from ego and live from Christ, love and become peaceful.
TO BE HEALED IS TO REMOVE THE EGO SEPARATED SELF TO KNOW ONES UNIFIED MIND
The lady talks about healing herself but does not know what healing is. To be sick is to be separated from God. To be healed is not to talk about your sick body but to remove your ego and live from Christ, from sense of oneness with all people.
When she heals her mind, that is, returned to eternal union with God and his creation her mind is healed, and her body would be healed of her myriad physical illnesses.
In the meantime, my goal is to heal me, to remove my ego, end my separation from God, and return to Christ status, to God, to love and then live from that perspective and know peace and joy.
One healed human being, a person who lives from love, from union with God models peace for people and in that sense helps heal all human beings. That is exactly what I intend to do from now going forward.
UNHEALED HEALER AND HEALED HEALER
I want to be a healed healer; a healed healer is a person who has regained the sense of oneness with God, joined God in his awareness and from that place relate to all people and becomes an agent helping people to let go of their egos and reclaim awareness of their oneness with God.
An unhealed healer retains his ego separated self and talks about healing people. He is the white American evangelical minister talking about Christ; this so-called paster is not loving; he has hatred for nonwhites hence his life is dedicated to doing drugs and having weird sex.
Most white Americans are not Christian, they do not even know what Christ means; a Christian love Go and all God’s creation.
When I pursued a grandiose ego, I was dead. I was literally dead. I was dead to my real self, I was dead to the awareness that I am the son of God, Christ (Buddha, Chi).
Now I resurrect from death and live from life, from my real self, Christ. I am now alive and that is the goal of my life, and of all lives.
I was born with assorted medical issues (including cytochrome C oxidase deficiency, spondylolysis and mitral valve prolapse). My body is hypersensitive. Numerous environmental factors make me react with over stimulation hence fear, anxiety, and anger. In childhood, I felt my physical life threatened and reacted with fear and anger.
In personality, I developed avoidant personality disorder; I avoided many things to survive physically. I posited a grandiose self-concept hoping that a powerful self is a magical wand to enable me to do what I needed to do to survive.
The big ego did not help me to survive; the grandiose self-concept, self-image and the ego is a mere wished for powerful self but is not powerful. In fact, it is a hinderance for now I had to avoid situations where it could be tested and fail.
I avoided schooling least I compete and fail. I avoided sports least I tried and failed. I avoided social relationships least I make mistakes and my peer group laughed at me. I kept to myself.
All I was doing with my life was defending the false big ego. But what is the ego giving me in return? Nothing! So, all one does is defend the ego and it gives one nothing but fear, anger, paranoia??
I will no longer defend the ego. I will be ego defenseless. In defenselessness I have no ego. In having no ego, I flow with life without seeing me as a separated big self.
The ego serves no positive purpose at all; it is a useless baggage that one must defend for it to seem to exist for one.
If one does not see oneself as a separated ego self and is not defensive one is no longer prone to fear, anxiety, anger, paranoia, and other emotional upsets.
Since the ego identifies with body and makes one overeat or drink or do drugs and makes one have medical issues to have a sense of living in body, hence have a separated self, if one does not identify with the ego one would not eat much and, as such, would be physically healthy.
Most people die from overeating induced medical issues, such as heart attack, stroke, and diabetes.
I am no longer invested in the ego; I am now simply part of life, flowing with life. In so far that I choose to give me a name, I call me a son of God, a Christ, a buddha, a Chi, as are all people, who loves all people and helps correct people’s ego problems but not reinforce them by teaching living as ego; I teach living egolessly.
MY LEADERSHIP AND ORGANIZATIONAL GOALS ARE TO LEAD ME AND AN ORGANIZATION TO LET GO OF OUR BIG, FALSE EGOS AND LIVE FROM OUR REAL SELVES AND IN DOING SO KNOW PEACE AND JOY; THIS IS ATTAINED THROUGH SPIRITUAL SCIENCE AND SECULAR SCIENCE
I have had high powered jobs, such as executive director of mental health agencies. All the jobs that I have lost were not due to poor performance on the job but because my big ego erupted in anger and told off either those above or below me. This was the case at Portland, Oregon, at Auburn and Seattle Washington and in Alaska. In Alaska I was angry at a subordinate that dared challenge my authority.
In all cases I would talk loudly and angrily and those I talked to would feel their lives threatened and fear me. All these behaviors are rooted in my childhood sense of powerlessness and littleness, from medical issues, and resolve to have a false, big self and that false big self regularly feels other people belittle it and feel angry at them.
In my interpersonal relationships, with my ex-spouse and girlfriends if they seemed to not respect me, I erupted in anger.
The solution is to have no big self, to have no ego self and to live from the Holy Spirit, the representative of my real self, the son of God, and his father, God.
April 5, 2021
GRATITUDE TO THOSE WHO DID YOU BAD HELPS YOU LIVE PEACEFULLY