Embrace your fate 100%

ONE MUST EMBRACE ONES FATE ONE HUNDRED PERCENT, NO RUNNING AWAY FROM IT; NOR CAN ONE RUN AWAY FROM IT; IT IS FROM SOLVING ITS PROBLEMS THAT ONE GROWS UP

Ozodi Osuji

     If you really want to understand yourself pay attention to your dreams, especially to those dreams that seem to you to be significant, for they are. Here are two dreams in my life that are incredibly significant for me, not necessarily for other people.

     In the first dream, I was about four years old and in the middle of the street in front of our house and a truck was coming close to me and instead of running away from the street I stayed there crying, trying to get some adults attention so that he or she comes and rescues me. No adult came to rescue me but before the truck could get to me, I woke up.

      The truck, symbolizing the issues of this life, is not meant to run me over; I am meant to be around until I figure out how to become emotionally strong and self-helping.

      The other dream happened about two years ago. I had gone on a long five-hour walk on an extremely sweltering summer day. When I got home, I was tired and could hardly stand on my feet, so, I plopped down on the couch in the living room and immediately went to sleep and dreamed. In this dream my mother was driving me in an expensive Mercedes Benz car. She got to a Walmart store, parked in the parking lot, and said that she needed to go inside and pick up a couple of items and that she would be right back. I stayed in the car. After a while I noticed that she was taking longer than I had expected. I got out of the car and noticed that the air in the tire on my side of the car, the passenger side front wheel, was let out and the wheel bent, that is, we had a flat tire and a wheel problem. Instead of trying to fix the problem I asked someone going into the store to tell my mother to come out and fix her car’s problems. She got to the car and took one look at the tire and wheel issue and walked away; she joined other young women and they walked into the mist. I was irritated that she walked away and in anger woke up.

     The idea that popped into my head is that life is tough, and I am angry that no one is helping me deal with that tough life, that I am all alone in the world, that I am expected to solve my problems by myself, and I felt helpless and angry.

      As can be seen from both dreams, I wanted someone else to rescue me and no one did but instead of rescuing me, doing what I could do to survive I stayed there fearful, angry and paralyzed. In the first dream no adult came to rescue me. In the second dream the symbolism of the broken-down expensive car is that mother said that she has given me an expensive body, though a problematic one, that it is up to me to fix my body’s sickness, fix whatever physiological and psychological problems that I have and that she has gone on to live her own life with her cohort; she does not exist to take care of me forever. She has given me all the tools to take good care of my life, such as expensive education; I could stay there asking for other people to come take care of me and no one would do so, for it is not for other people to take care of me; it is for me to take care of me (and by implication for other people to take good care of themselves, not for me to take care of them).

      The question is this: what is it that made me want to be rescued by other people? It is a broken-down expensive car. I was born with certain medical issues (Cytochrome C Oxidase Deficiency, Mitral Valves Prolapse and Spondylolysis) and mother and father tried to fix them when I was a child.

     Like many children born with serious medical issues, I expected my parents, adults, and all people to help me out. The dependent personality sees his self as weak and helpless and expects people to take diligent care of him and if they do not, he feels angry at them (if he is the type that Alfred Adler called the spoilt and pampered child he has sense of entitlement, he thinks that the world owes him trouble free existence).

     Children born with severe medical handicaps tend to grow up expecting their parents to do for them what they ought to be doing for themselves and when other people do not do for them what they need to survive they feel fearful, and angry at them and at the world, they feel abandoned in the world; they play helpless victims.

     But cry for help as they do, no one rescues them; God himself does not come and rescue them. It is not necessary for other people to rescue the individual regardless of his physical problems; only the individual must rescue himself or else he is not alive.

       Life is full of challenges; each of us is given a set of challenges and it is in mastering them that one becomes an adult; if one sits around wishing for other people to come do for one what one needs to do to survive one remains a child, forever.

     Nature and nature’s God does not want people to remain children forever; it wants the child to grow up and take care of his needs.

      What it means to be a grown-up is to assess one’s problems objectively, understand them and within the limitations they set for one, that one chose and set for oneself, one does what one can do to survive.

      Obviously, given my medical issues, I was not going to become an Olympic athlete but there is something that I can do very well. What is it? It is for me to figure it out.

    Sometimes folks think that their lives ought to have been different. No, your life is not going to be different for you are not an accident; everything that have happened to you was meant to happen to you (you chose them in your dream of separation); what shows up in your life is meant to show up and is meant to be in your life; your life is an unfolding script, a play and a drama that you and all of us wrote for you; envying other people’s lives paths is not going to change a thing in your life’s path.

     Wishing that you belonged to a profession that paid well, such as medical or electronic field is not going to happen if you did not choose to study those fields. You studied the field that you wanted to study, not the one that you believe that you should be in.

      If you do not fit into any specific field, you choose to establish a new field. For example, I do not fit into extant psychology and what passes as spirituality; this is because I chose to take from both fields and establish a new spiritual psychology that would fit me and those who could benefit from the new field, those that the old psychology and religions could not help. I establish a path for those who can benefit from this innovative approach to knowledge.

     I used the ego defense mechanism of fantasy, dreaming; I wished for magical powers that would solve my problems. I am very idealistic; I am always wishing that my body is better, that all material things become better, and that people become better. Obviously, things and people are not going to change just because I wish that they change and become ideal.

     What is called delusion disorder results when one rejects one’s weak and inadequate body and uses one’s mind to create an all-powerful alternative self-and identify with it and as that impossible self-try to solve one’s problems, which one cannot do because the powerful self is a fantasy self. Thus, one withdraws from society and in social isolation nurture one’s fantasy big self, a deluded self-and feel angry when other people do not recognize that grandiose self as who one is (people must not recognize it for it is not who one is and if they validate it, they help make one deluded, psychotic).

      Some people try to solve their problem by believing in Good and wishing that God would come down and solve their problems for them, but he does not do so. This is because only we can solve our problems.

      It does not mean that there is no God. God exists, alright but he allows us to go live in our separated world, in the bodies and egos that we made for ourselves, and walk around in space and time; God does not intervene in our world for he knows that it is not real, it is a dream; dream or not, it is us that desire it and must make the most of it without asking God to help us improve it; God did not create the dream world, we did.

     However, since God is in us, we can use his creative power in us to recreate our world and people. We misused the creative power of God in inventing the world of matter, bodies, space, and time; we can now use God’s power to improve our world.

       Either way, it is us who are responsible for our world, not God. God is a formless spirit self in his heaven (Jesus Christ said that the kingdom of God is inside us), we separated from it; we tried to construct a separated universe which turns out as the hell we live in on earth.

EACH PERSON HAS A FATE; HE CHOSE IT AND CANNOT WISH IT AWAY BUT CAN UNDERSTAND IT AND MAKE THE MOST OF IT

      Each human being, and animal, has a fate; that fate was with him from the day he is born on earth. He chose that fate (he chose his body, medical issues, his parents, social circumstances and the era he was born into; he did so to learn from them or to cry because of them).

     One cannot wish one’s circumstances away, but one can accept them as they are, study them, see how one responded to them in the past and seek better responses to them in the present and in doing so change one’s lifestyle.

     We each came to earth with a set of problems we set for ourselves, individually and collectively, and that is what we came to do. You may wish that your parents were billionaires but that is not what you choose when you came here and was born into a poor family. You choose a separate set of parents to learn from what they give to you to help you deal with the issues that you want to learn from.

      There are no accidents in your, and in our collective lives; we are where we need to be, dealing with people that we need to deal with, dealing with issues that we need to deal with.

     There are infinite varieties of lifestyles that we could be living but we chose the one we are currently living and must deal with it and not cry that we did not have a better life path.

     We chose our life paths and must deal with that fact and stop making ourselves victims and seeing other people as our victimizers; no one victimized us and there are no victims or victimizers but only volunteers.

      With proper learning each of us can redirect the trajectory of his life and what had seemed like a curse is now seen for what it is, a blessing.

      Your problems are a blessing for you; the obstacles on your path are opportunities for you to learn whatever lessons you came to learn.

      Are there other ways that you could have learned your lessons? Yes, there are infinite other ways to live but the one you have is the one that you chose to help you understand your life; so, work with your problems without fear or anger and without wishing for other people to come solve them for you; only you can solve your problems for you, with the aid of all people.

   For the same reason, you cannot solve other people’s problems for them, but they can learn from you to solve their problems.

       If you accept that you invented your problems and accept that the manner you tried to solve them in the past, such as egoistically, was inappropriate and accept that there are better ways to solve them, then you can meditate to find out the new ways of behaving.

      Keep quiet and not try to solve your problems with ideas from your ego, the ideas that immediately come to your mind; instead, keep quiet until ideas from your higher self, also called the Christ Self, or Buddha Self, or son of God, or Holy Spirit come to your mind.

      You will know when such ideas enter your mind, for they are always calm and peaceful and are not meant to enable you go please other people but to help you do what you must do to live from your real self and live in peace.

      If you live an authentic life, being your true self, doing what you love, the universe opens doors for you and money and good things roll into your life, but if you pretend to be who you are not, do not love you and other people, and try to get along with people on false premises all doors will close for you.

    Loving other people does not mean sacrificing your life for other people; many people are drug addicts and criminals, so you do not have to die for them to live; love means doing what you love doing and creating an environment for all people to figure out what they want to do and do it.

     Be who you choose to be during this lifetime on earth. For example, I choose to have a pained body; the reason is to enable me to avoid physical work so that I can read assorted books and from them gain wide knowledge about human beings and with that knowledge help people live authentic, spontaneous, and less pretentious lives (as I did in the past).

     I cannot wish my pained body away and do physical work that will cause me so much pain and I die in a few weeks. For me, being realistic entails avoiding physical labor and preferring cerebral work.

I HAVE BEEN BODY CONSCIOUS MOST OF MY LIFE; THIS MEANS THAT I HAVE TRIED FOR MOST OF MY LIFE TO FORGET MY SPIRIT SELF

     I have always been body-conscious; not just self-conscious but body-conscious. I was always aware that I am a body and worried about how my body is perceived by other people. I wanted to be seen as a good-looking body; when I was at school, I tried my best at sports and until recently ran five miles every other morning, all to be in decent shape. I hated to see fat on my body. My goal was to have good physical shape; I tended to not like anyone with any kind of fat on him or her. I equated fatness with laziness. I wanted my body to look athletic and good.

     From a medical point of view, what I was doing was good but there is a side to it that folks do not know. Every effort to seem a body, which is what we do when we eat food, take medications, wear clothes and live in shelters and train for good bodies is an attempt to emphasize that we are bodies and deny that we are spirit. Our life on earth is really an attempt to deny our nature as spirit and affirm that we are bodies.

     Let me briefly sketch my story of the origin of the earth. I reached this story, which is not literal truth but my myth of creation, by reading books on my inherited Christianity, Hinduism, Buddhism, Taoism, Zen, Gnosticism and A Course in miracles and astronomy and cosmology.

WE GO FROM UNIFIED SPIRIT TO SEPARATED EGOS IN BODIES, SPACE, TIME, AND MATTER

     Originally, there was, and still is, oneself; folks call that self-God, but it has no name for to name something is to limit it; God is limitless and cannot be named or understood with our present separated conscious minds.

     God is oneself; his nature is to always extend his self to sons, parts of him. At all times God existed and was always extending his self to his sons, to his parts.

     God is the father, and we are his sons. God needs sons to be a father and the sons need a father to be sons.

     The father and his infinite sons have always existed; if there was ever a time when one part of the equation did not exist the other would not exist. God has always existed, and his sons have always existed with him; they are eternal, permanent, and changeless.

   God extended to a metaphoric first son and that son extended to his own son and his son extended to his own son, that way creation begins in God and extends to infinite sons of God. As we talk, you, I, the sons of Go are extending to our own sons of God.

     We extend, create our children with the creative power of God in us. Creation begins in God and continues forever. There was never a time that God and his sons did not exist or will not exist in the future (in God there is no past, present and future, all is now, the eternal present of God, but I speak in human terms to make what I am saying understandable to the reader).

     There is no space or gap between God and his sons; they are one shared self with one shared mind. They are eternally connected and joined as one shared self with one shared mind. Where God ends and each of his sons begin is nowhere and where one son of God ends, and another begins is nowhere.

      God is in his sons and his sons are in him and in each other; they are one joined self. Obviously, they are formless for only the formless can be in each other. Those who have forms, body, do not seem to be in each other but are, in fact, in each other; I am in you and you are in me (at night we sleep and project out  the entire universe and relate to the people in the universe and when we wake up in the morning we realize that the universe we saw in our dreams did not exist; the same goes for our day world, it exists as in a dream in our minds and does not exist in our awake minds in God).

     God and his sons are the same; the only difference between God and his sons is that he created them, and they did not create him; God is the whole; the whole extended to the parts; the parts cannot create the whole.

      The fact that God created them annoyed the sons of God and they decided to create themselves. Obviously, once created you cannot create yourself or create your creator.

      As it were, we went to sleep and dream that we are now separated from God and from each other. The dream began with the Big Bang 13.8 billion years ago; we projected out physical light and used that light to form quarks, used quarks to form protons and neutrons and used the same light to form elections (and anti-matter and matter and anti-matter attacked each other but matter was not annihilated so that the physical universe continued); in time we combined protons and neutrons into nucleus and years later made nucleus capture electrons and atoms were formed.

     The light that was trapped in the hitherto plasma universe was let out (seen by Robert Wilson and Arno Penzias in 1965), now called the Cosmic Microwave Background Radiation. The universe was thereafter a sea of hydrogen. In time hydrogen separated into clumps and gravity acted on each clump and pressured hydrogen to fuse into helium and stars were born.

     The initial stars were very massive in size and in a few million years exhausted their hydrogen and began fusing helium, then carbon and when the fusion process, called nucleosynthesis, got to iron stars became extremely hot and explode in supernova and in that extreme heat all elements beyond iron were formed.

     There are ninety-two elements in the universe; we have formed others bringing them to a total of 118 elements.

     The breakup of huge stars led to spilling out elements into space; those existed as nebular and over time congregated into medium sized stars and planets, asteroids and comets.

     Our sun and its nine planets, asteroids and comets were formed from dead huge stars 4.5 billion years ago.

      Our sun has enough hydrogen to keep nucleosynthesis going for another five billion years and thereafter would die (when huge stars die their inner core implode to form black holes, where not even light can escape from their events horizons, or neutron stars that spin at incredible rate).

    Our sun is too small to form a black hole or neutron star but will become a mere amber of glowing light (red dwarf) until that light dies out and it becomes a piece of rock in space.

     In trillions of years, all stars, planets, and galaxies will die, and decay to the ninety-two elements in the universe and those decay to protons, neutrons, and electrons and those decay to photons, light and the universe ends as cold radiation, cold light, Big Chill.

    A universe that began in hot light ends in cold light.

    Our bodies are composed of about sixty-four elements, carbon, hydrogen, oxygen, nitrogen, calcium, iron, copper, magnesium, potassium and so on; when we die those elements dissolve to their particles and those in time decay to light; we were made with physical light and in time return to physical light.

     This long story on the origin of the physical universe is trying to explain that we had our origin in unified spirit self, a self that cannot be described in words, for it transcends words, speech and language, subject and object, seer and seen.

     We sought separation from God and from each other and went to sleep and in our sleep dream this universe of multiplicity, from the big bang to the present and to when it ends in a few trillion years in the future.

REPACEMENT AND SUBSTITUE SELVES

     In the physical universe we invented space, time and matter and used matter to form our bodies and now seem to live in bodies and walk around in space and time as separated selves; our separated selves seem real to us. I, Ozodi Osuji, seem separated from you and from our creator. Separated selves, aka egos, seem real to me and to all of us.

     Until you have experienced the physical universe of space, time and matter disappear and you know yourself as part of oneself, God, nothing anyone says about unified self, God would make sense to you. It all seems like gibberish and hogwash; so, it seemed to me. I was agnostic and tended not to entertain the idea of God until spiritual experiences convinced me that God is not only real but is the only reality that exists and all else is noise.

HOLY SPIRIT, THE HOLY TRINITY

         In our present awareness, we seem separated from God and from each other. God does not destroy what his sons made to seem separated from him because he knows that his sons cannot really separate from him; he knows that they are sleeping and dreaming that they are separated from him.

     God created another aspect of him, the Holy Spirit, and placed it in his sons’ minds. His function is to remind us that we are eternally unified but otherwise allow us to keep dreaming until we want to stop dreaming.

     The Holy Spirit is not a person; it is part of our minds; it is in our right mind; it is our loving mind that asks us to love all of us for we are all one shared self.

    So, now there seem three persons in one God: God the father (who is transcendental, not in this world), God the son (who is now sleeping as us) and God the Holy Spirit (immanent God in the temporal universe) in our dreaming minds. Catholic Christians call the three selves in one God the Holy Trinity.

     The ego is the part of our minds that ask us to separate from each other and see each other as not part of us hence try to screw other people; the Holy Spirit knowing that we are all oneself knows that what one does to other people one did to one’s whole self. Giving is receiving; love other people and you love you, hate other people and you hate you (although you may not be aware of it).

      The metaphysics that I sketched above tells me to accept that my ego in body is a dream replacement self, a substitute self I made to replace the unified spirit self that God created us as. The Holy Spirit tells us to love other sons of God who, like us, see themselves as ego separated selves.

      If we love and forgive one another, we will live in harmony in our dream world and eventually attain happy dreams. If we continue with love and forgiveness, we begin to see our bodies in light forms (I have seen my fleshy body in light form, seen other people in light forms, seen animals, plants and everything in light forms).

     Loving and forgiving people occasionally makes us have the light experience that I just mentioned. When those who love and forgive each other die, they stay in the world of light forms (more advanced persons like Jesus Christ used their minds to transform their bodies to light forms and disappeared from the dream of separation and now live in the happy dream and occasionally disappear into the formless shared oneself called God).

     All these sound-like spooky ideas. For now, the salient point is that we are one unified self but seem to be separated selves in bodies and defend our seeming separated bodies and selves and in defense make them real in our awareness.

DISCUSSION

     My body was pained and had assorted sicknesses; those gave me awareness that I am a body; they emphasized my body and denied my spirit.

     Body consciousness is an effort to deny one’s nature as part of a formless unified spirit. To experience unified spirit, one must stop emphasizing one’s body, dense or light body.

      If you get up tomorrow and do not see you as body, forget that you are body, do not defend body (that is why folks fast, to not defend body with food), if you do so for a month you would literally escape from body awareness and experience yourself, first, as light body and eventually as formless spirit. 

      From the moment of one’s birth on earth, one has written a script, a drama, a play and is acting it out; the play is not written before birth but is written every second and minute of one’s life, now, and acted out, now, as it is written.

      You must live the script you write. No other person writes your script for you; you wrote it with the aid of all people, past, present and future, for all of us are parts of you.

     You choose to separate from God and all his sons and be the prodigal son and go on a journey to nowhere, a journey without distance, and in that instant wrote your script and act it out. It is your drama.

     You can understand your script’s trajectory. It is the script that you believed would enable you to optimize your self-concept and self-image as a separated and powerful self; implicit in your self-concept, the ego separated self, is how the Holy Spirit part of your mind will use it to change your mind to find salvation from the separated self-concept.

     The self-concept, a conceptual self is not your real self; your real self is not conceptual but is part of God, given to you by God; it is not made by you; your self-concept is made by you, the self you made and with which you replace the self that God created you as.

     God created you unified with him, and all his sons and you made you separated from God and all people.

     The self-concept is the self that each of us constructed to live as on earth; it seems based on one’s inherited biological constitution and social experience but it is one’s mind that made it; it is now  a mirror through which one looks at the entire world; nothing is seen as it is but as one’s self-concept makes them to be; the self-concept is now a shield preventing one from seeing the world and people as they are. The world of solid matter, gas, liquid, plasma, space and time that the self-concept’s eyes see is not there!

     To see the people and the world clearly, one must give up one’s ego self-concept and see with the eyes of the Holy Spirit, which is love and forgiveness. Even that improved seeing does not show one reality, for it is still seeing people and the world in forms that do not exist, although it makes them seem lovely; in sanity one does not see any forms.

     I wrote a script that requires me to have a weak and pained body; that body led me to pursue a superior and powerful self. Even at age six when I began elementary schooling, I felt superior to all people. This does not make sense since I was not brainy nor was I athletic, yet I felt superior to those who in the empirical universe seem superior to me.

      Consider white folks; many Black folks see them as superior to them, but I saw them as children to be taught the truth since to me I believed that they did not know what the truth is. This is an amazing situation even to me. But that was my life’s story.

      When I was a teenager, I was caught in a war situation, the Nigerian civil war. Two actors, Ojukwu and Gowon were leading two different armies and recruited soldiers to fight their wars. I tuned them out and stayed in my room and read books. I would scour our village looking for books, borrowing them, and reading them. I read furiously, including such classics as Dante’s Divine comedy and Greek plays. At a point during the three years’ war, I was big enough that I could be conscripted by the soldiers roaming around and capturing kids above age fourteen and giving them less than two weeks of shoddy military training and taking them to the war front.

     The mere fact that these soldiers could enter my father’s compound and capture me made me furious. How dare these idiots called Gowon and Ojukwu believe that they can conscript me into their rag-tagged army and use me to fight their ego wars. I was so angry at them that if they were around me, I would kill them. I felt superior to both men and believed that they ought to be taking orders from me, not me from them.

     I had a sense of superiority to all people yet had a sense of inferiority, and dependency. I felt superior and wanted to be served by people, yet I wanted other people to take care of me! There then was cognitive conflict between the superior god who must be obeyed and the inferior god who cannot take care of his self or else he felt angry at people.

     That was my situation. It was the same from day one of my life on earth. I believed myself powerful yet believed that I could not take care of my needs, so I was a powerless god, a god with feet of clay. That has been the story of my life; a pattern of seeming powerful but expecting other people to take care of me (in the broken car, expecting my mother to take care of the broken car she drove me in, to take diligent care of my sick body). If I were powerful, I would fix mother’s car and fix my body. Thus, I did not really have real power. What I had was ego power which was no power.

     Real power is quiet, gentle, and peaceful. Real power comes from God. In God, the son recognizes that he is part of God and that although he has access to his father’s power and could do whatever he wants to do with it, he knows that it is derived power. It is not the son’s power; it is his father’s power that he uses to do whatever he does.

     The part does whatever it does with the power of the whole; without the cooperation of the whole, and its many parts, a part cannot do anything. Thus, Jesus Christ would correctly say, with the power of God in me I can do everything but without the power of God in me I can do nothing. The old boy summed it up surprisingly good. Nothing else needs to be added to his realism.

      Over time, I recognized that my ego may seek independent power but that I do not have any independent power. The only power that I have is the power of God in me hence I must not misuse it; I must use it gratefully for it is not mine; it is our power, for God is all of us.

CONCLUSION

      In this essay, the point I choose to make is that each of us has a trajectory that he follows throughout his life. He is the one who wrote the script, with the aid of all of us, that he is acting out. He has no one else to blame nor does he need to blame himself.

     The seeming dreadful lives we live is lived in dreams and have not been lived in; dreams are not real so we must not feel guilty for them; we remain as God created us, not separated from him hence we are always innocent, guiltless, sinless, and holy.

      All we need to do is study the play we are enacting and if it does not make sense, change it. I realized that my drama/play is senseless. For example, why do I feel angry when other people do not do certain things for me? Why do I feel angry at white Americans for not giving me the type of job that I believed that I should have? They do not owe me anything. I owe me whatever is rational that I can do with my own ability, ability given to me by God.

      I do not need to be angry or fearful or depressed or paranoid because of what other people did or did not do to me. First of all, other people are parts of me that I denied as parts of me and projected out and have them do what they do to me; if I am angry at other people I am angry at me; if I fear other people I fear me; if I am depressed by other people I am depressed by me; if I am untrusting of other people and feel paranoid around people I do not trust me and feel paranoid over me. 

      There are no people outside me; all people are parts of my one infinite self. I am living out my fate; from its seeming bad aspect I find salvation.

     When the individual reinterprets the world he sees, a world that had attacked him and placed obstacles on his path, he recognizes that that world is trying to save him.

     For example, my failure in the white folk’s world led me to study spirituality and from doing so find salvation. So, did white folks do me bad or good?

     The world of people I saw does not exist except as in a dream and to the extent that it seems to exist I and all people wrote the script and projected it out and act out roles we have for each other. From our seeming suffering we find salvation.

     Suffering lies in identifying as an ego in body, having a separated self-concept; salvation lies in giving up the ego and living from, first, a purified ego, a loving and forgiving ego, and returning to formless unified spirit self and in it know peace and joy.

Note

IN HIS OLD AGE, MY GRANDFATHER USED TO CHALLENGE YOUNGER MEN TO WRESTLING MATCHES, MEANING THAT HE WANTED TO PROVE THAT HE IS STILL STRONG AND DID NOT WANT TO ACCEPT HIS OLD AGE INDUCED WEAK BODY; HE LIVED FROM EGO AND HIS EGO WANTED TO SEEM POWERFUL; HIS REAL POWER LIES IN CHRIST, WHICH DID NOT HAVE TO BE PROVED AS STRONG FOR IT IS ALWAYS STRONG IN GOD WHEREAS THE EGO IS ALWAYS WEAK BECAUSE IT IS OUTSIDE GOD

    In his old age, 80s, grandfather used to challenge young men to wrestling matches, hoping to defeat them; he was the wrestling champion of his people during his youth. He still wanted to seem youthful and vigorous which he was not. That meant that he did not age gracefully but fought it.

     He aroused sympathy in the youth that he challenged to matches, wrestling matches that they could easily win; they smiled at his pathetic challenges.

     In his youth he challenged the British men ruling his world as to who should rule his world; the British had the weapons and could have easily dispatched him to death or jailed him. Therefore, his challenge of them was unrealistic and childish; it was his ego trying to seem powerful by challenging more powerful egos to a wrestling match.

    The man was egoistic and did not have real power; real power is based in Christ; instead, he sought ego power which is weakness masquerading as power.

     I am exactly like my grandfather; I feel weak and challenge the seeming strong in my world to power struggles; struggles they would easily triumph at.

     The lesson is for me to seek real power, one based on God, not my puny ego. Like grandfather, I was seeking ego-based power and must now seek Christ based power.

    To live from the ego is to live from weakness, whereas to live from Christ is to live from power; the power of his father in him; this is power based on love for all people, union with God and all his creations; it is gentle power, calm power, and peaceful power. This is the kind of power that I desire, not the empty power of the ego separated self that feels always compelled to prove that it is powerful when, in fact, it is weak.

     Uncertainty makes me feel fear; it is like I enjoy living in fear. Why?

     Living in fear results from my belief that I am in control of my life; however, whenever I accept Christ’s control over my life fear disappears.

     To trust in the ego is to trust in weakness, whereas to trust in Christ is to trust in his strength. Christ, meaning one’s real self as the son of God, as actualized by Jesus Christ who totally trusted in God. The lesson is for me to trust in God.

Ozodi Osuji

June 2, 2022

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