A sense of living in a hostile universe and what to do about it

The difference between an educated person and an uneducated person is that the educated person tries to understand his self, his personality, and his behaviors whereas the uneducated person attributes the issues he sees in his life to other persons and or to forces beyond his control. Please see if you can learn from the below cogitation on my psychology and physiology. Ozodi

I AM ALWAYS EXPECTING DANGER FROM THE WORLD HENCE HAVE MY BODY PERPETUALLY AROUSED AND TENSE (ANXIETY AND ANGER)

Ozodi Osuji

My mind continuously expects danger from the environment and, as such, my body is always physiologically aroused; I am almost always in fear and anger response to anticipated danger, to either run away from it or fight the perceived threat to my life.
This lifestyle, expectation of danger, is reflected even in my dreams. In the dream of a truck coming close to me and then me waking up before it hit me; or in this morning’s dream of a dog told to bite me and before it could do so I woke up; both say that I expect danger from people and the environment; I see the environment as hostile and my mind and body are defensive, aroused, in fight back mode.

BIOLOGICAL PROBLEMS AND PSYCHOLOGICAL ANTICIPATION OF ATTACK AND AROUSAL AND DEFENSE

This expectation of danger and sense of living in a hostile world began from day one of my life when my problematic body (I inherited disorders of the mitochondria) felt attacked by the physical environment and resolved to defend itself by expecting danger and defending against it before it happened. This anticipation of danger then aroused my body and gave it some paranoid defensive quality.
In childhood I posited a big ego to help me deal with my situation. In Alfred Adler’s psychological terms, I felt inferior and posited a compensatory desire for a superior self; the big self is supposed to be a powerful self that enabled me to defeat my pains. But it is a mere mental construct and has no power to help me.
The big ego is posited to help defend me and it, too, is now defended and cannot defend me and prevents me from living fully. Thus, the compensatory big self must be let go, all of it, for it is useless to me.
The solution is not to expect danger to leap towards me and expect nothing good or bad, and stay calm in mind and body, and it would be reflected in my dreams and I n my day life.
I adopt Epictetus like stoicism to life.

DISCUSSION

The initial cause of my problems is biological; inherited medical disorders made the child me to feel that its life is about to be snuffed out and it reacted defensively, with efforts to survive. Subsequently, it lived with perpetual defenses and its body is perpetually hyper-aroused, adrenaline poured into the blood stream, so its body is constantly excited.
This line of explanation makes the child and adult me a victim, as if nature determined my medical and psychological responses and that all I need to do is learn to relax my body by every means necessary.
This line of reasoning, which is scientific, leads to environmental determinism and atheism for it assumes that no force cares for the child; the child is looking after its interests and no God cares for it.
On the other hand, one can add the notion of choice and say that a son of God deliberately chose my body to experience the sense of attack I felt and then react with defensiveness and the task I set for me is to study and understand the problem and then relax my body but see the whole trajectory as what I set in motion for me to learn from.
If I learn that I did it to me without blaming me or other people, I would be a better person. To blame other persons is to be paranoid, to blame oneself is to be depressed; there is no need for either paranoia or depression, there is need to accept reality as it is and live with it without seeking anybody to blame.
At the larger societal level, clearly, white folks do things that attack black people. They enslaved black people and as we speak discriminate against black people. Any black man who wishes could become defensive towards white people. I respond to white people differently.
I see white people as children trying to protect themselves and, in the process, attacking black folks. For example, their present efforts at voter suppression are meant to serve their interests at the expense of black people; they want to rule black people by discouraging black folks from voting.
I must use love to correct them for they are mad, literally. What I should not do is tolerate their madness for it perpetuates it and makes them stay mad longer and make life miserable for other people much longer; these mad men must be corrected with love, not anger. Their madness is to be healed not encouraged.

CONCLUSION

Empiricism, aka science deals with only what is observable and makes judgements based on that and only that without attributing causation to any force that cannot be seen. Empiricism shows me that I inherited medical disorders that led the child me to respond with a sense of attack and defensiveness. Science leaves it at that, but the result is to see me as a victim of nature.
I do not like to see me as the victim of nature. I like to believe that I play roles in my existence. Thus, I go beyond science and say that an aspect of me that I call a son of God chose my body to experience its problems and from it learn attack and defense and later learn to relax my body and live-in peace without blaming me or other people. I learn peace and eventually live peacefully and happily. This kind of approach to life accepts spirituality.
Every situation could be used to justify atheism or theism, depending on what one wants to believe. I accept physics (science) and metaphysics (God). This is my choice. It is not up for debate and argument. You make your own choice, atheism, or theism.
In my metaphysics, I, a son of God, along with other sons of God invented everything in my life and in our lives; we are not victims of nature but the makers of nature.

Ozodi Osuji
March 29, 2021

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