This much I know about myself: I am not a loving person. But to say that about me I first have to know what it means to be a loving person, don't I?
What exactly is a loving person? To know what a loving person is I first have to know what love is. What exactly is love? I don't know!
I hear a lot about love but no one really has sat me down and explained to me what love is. Did anyone sit you down and explained to you what love is? If so you are lucky!
Since no one has explained what love is to me I am just going to have to figure out what love is by myself. In this essay, I will try to understand the nature of love; additionally, I will try to understand why I am not a loving person and explore how to become a loving person. Hopefully, you the reader, if you are not already a loving person, could also learn about the nature of love and become a loving person?
I have read many books on love. The one that grabbed my attention the most is Helen Schucman's "A course in miracles". Interestingly, she told us what is not love but not what love is! She said that love cannot be explained and that you just have to remove the obstacles to love and then experience love and when you experience it you would know what it is.
What are the obstacles to love that the lady professor of psychology, at Columbia University, New York City, wants you to remove to experience love and from that experience of love know what love is?
There is really only one obstacle to love. That obstacle to the awareness of love, the lady said, is one's self concept, the ego self-housed in body and what one does to defend that ego self.
That is correct; to experience love one must remove ones ego self. Really, you ask; if you removed your ego self who then is left to love other selves? Good question.
The lady said that one has a different self, ones real self; she said that one's real self is love itself. The present self that one is aware of is not ones real self. The self-one is currently aware of is the ego separated self-housed in body.
She said that the ego is a false self, is a substitute self; we invented it and use it to replace our real self. Therefore, to experience our real self, which is a loving self, we have to remove the ego self.
The ego is not killed or annihilated because it does not exist; you do not kill what does not exist; the ego is a mere dream self, a dream figure.
The same goes for the human body. The human body, the lady said, does not exist; it seems to exist but exists only in a dream; what exists in a dream does not, in fact, exist.
She further said that the universe of space, time and matter that we see with our physical eyes and seem to live in it does not exist. The universe and all that is in it is projected out by our minds.
Our true self is the son of God. As it were, we, the collective son of God, went to sleep and dream and in our dream project out the physical world we see with our dream eyes. The world we see during the day is a dream world, it does not exist.
The lady asks you not to argue with her incredible assertion but to simply do what she asks you to do and if you do you would see the physical universe disappear and you experience your real self.
That experience she called Holy Instant (Christians call it the mystical union of the son and his father, Hinduism calls it Samadhi, Buddhism calls it Nirvana, Zen calls it Satori and Muslim Sufi calls it oneness experience).
In that experience one knows that one is a son of God, a part of the whole and that the son and the father are one; God is the whole and the son is the part of that whole; part and whole are one; there is no space or gap between the son and his father for they are in each other; where God ends and his son begins is nowhere; father and son share one literal self and mind.
God is in his son and his son is in God. You are in God and God is in you. You are in other sons of God for God has infinite sons and they are in you and in God; all creation and its creator share one self and one mind.
Throughout human history, there are human beings who claim to have had unitive experience; they report that in it there is no I and non-I, no space between people, no subject and object, no seer and seen, and that all selves know themselves to be one self; all selves are eternal, permanent and changeless, all selves are all knowing.
The selves in God do not know about our physical universe; this is because in their spiritual state they know that the physical universe does not exist so how can they know about physics, chemistry, biology, astronomy, geology etc. when what those study do not exist? They know only about the non-material, that is, spiritual matters.
(If the reader wants to explore the nature of mystical experience he could read Evelyn Underhill, Mysticism; William James, Varieties of religious experience; and Richard M. Burke, Cosmic Consciousness.)
Please do not ask me to explain what mystical union is all about. I have not had that experience. What I have had are visions. You have spiritual visions while you are still in ego state, as I am, but your ego slightly loves you and other people.
If you slightly love people God gives you vision experience but not union experience. Visions take you to the gate of heaven, entrance to unified state, but not into union, aka heaven and its God.
God is perfect union and perfect love; therefore, only those who are perfect love experience God, union and heaven.
No one who does not meet the criterion for heaven, perfect love, enters heaven; heaven is perfect love so to enter it you must be a perfectly loving person.
If you slightly love you can only get to the gate of heaven. There, you wait until you become perfectly loving and then you enter heaven. I am talking metaphorically; what I am really saying is that your real self is perfect love, which is heaven; when you love perfectly you know your real self which is in heaven.
In heaven you disappear into God and God disappears into you and both of you know that you share oneself; God is the whole and you are the part of that wholeness called God.
(The Catholics refer to their Pope as "Your Holiness"; they mean your wholeness, for holy is wholeness contracted; the pope symbolizes the whole self, the universal church established by the Holy Spirit and his most complete student, Jesus Christ.)
Heaven, like our earth is not a place but a state of mind. Heaven is your state of mind if you are entirely loving, unified with all selves; the earth is your state of mind if you are opposed to love, opposed to unified state. The world of light forms is the middle ground for those whose minds love a bit but they still retain the wish for separated self, have egos and purify their egos with forgiveness.
Whereas some people have had vision experience, are at the gate of heaven, many have not had God experience. Why?
It is because many persons do not totally love. Most people in our world are totally identified with their egos and bodies and totally have forgotten their real selves, and are not loving persons.
Total egotists do not experience vision and certainly do not experience union with God. When total egotists die they do not even have the experience of the world of light forms that folks who have had near death experience talk about. Such persons die and there is a black out of their minds and they are reborn in our world without awareness that there are other worlds.
There are three words: our world of dense matter, the world of light forms and the formless world of God.
To experience the world of light forms you must be somewhat loving; to experience heaven you must be totally loving.
Lady Helen said that originally, and still so, we are in unified state, in what religious folks metaphorically call heaven. Heaven is composed of the union of God and his infinite sons, his creations.
In their true state, God and his sons are formless; they do not have bodies. If you like you can employ the analogy of wave and particle of light to understand heaven. God is a wave of spiritual light. Each son of God is a particle of that spiritual light.
As quantum physics teaches us, wave and particle are the same; you see the one you want to see. We are wave and particle of light but you see the one you want to see.
Currently, we want to see seeming separated particles of light housed in bodies. If we choose to we can experience ourselves as one unified wave of spiritual light.
What cannot happen, as quantum physics teaches, is for one to at the same time see both wave and particle of light; if you see one the other is in superposition (hidden from you in a different universe) and you cannot see it.
If you see yourself as an ego self you cannot know yourself as a unified self; it is either one or the other; we have a choice in the matter. We choose what self we see, unified self or separated self.
Originally, we, the sons of God, the parts of the whole existed with God as one shared formless self. Somehow, the idea of experiencing separation from God and from each other entered our minds.
Where did the idea of separation come from? Lady Helen did not explain. Please note that I am going to be excruciatingly honest in this write up; I will point out what Lady Helen got right and what she did not get right. I have a mind of my own, you know, so I am quite capable of knowing what is right hence know when our lady guide to returning to the awareness of our real-self got it wrong!
The lady psychologist did not tell us where the idea of separation came from. She said that it just entered into our minds. Let us then use our minds to surmise that where there is union there must be separation, for the one requires the other to understand it. This does not mean that separation exists but means that it must be conceivable for the idea of union to be known to our minds.
The existence of union requires its opposite to be conceivable. God is union. Even though union is reality the unreality of separation must seem to exist.
Thus, while we are in unified state the opposite of union entered our minds. We wished to experience separated selves.
Since only union exists, and can exist, so how can we experience what does not exist, separation? Separation from God and his children is impossible.
Eternity is unified; if it were not so it would not exist. If the sons of God could separate from God either party would become incomplete and die off. Only a complete state exists.
To seem to experience the impossible we played a trick on ourselves. Hinduism called that trick Maya. As it were, we cast a magical spell over us and forgot that we are eternally unified and went to sleep and in our sleep dream that we are now separated from God and from each other.
We are, of course, speaking in metaphors, for since we have not experienced God and his union we have no basis to know his reality. Speaking metaphorically is permitted. Metaphorically we went to sleep and dream that we are now separated from God and from each other.
When did this sleep of separation occur? It has not occurred for, as we speak, as you read this essay, we are still as God created us, unified with him. We are metaphorically merely sleeping and dreaming that we have separated selves, ego selves; your ego self is reading this stuff written by another ego self.
If you prefer the scientific myth of creation then believe that separation occurred 13.8 billion years ago. As cosmology teaches us, out of nowhere one single particle of light (one son of God) emerged and got inordinately hot and exploded and became infinite particles of light (one particle, one son of God that contains infinite sons of God separated into its infinite parts, us).
The spiritual particle of light began transforming itself to physical particles of light, photons. Photons transformed themselves to electrons and quarks; quarks transformed to protons and neutrons; protons and neutrons joined to form nuclei; eventually, nuclei captured electron and the electron circled around nuclei and atoms are formed.
The original atoms were hydrogen, helium and lithium; they formed a gaseous cloud. This cloud of simple atoms, mostly hydrogen eventually separated into clumps and each clump is acted on by gravity and in its core ignition takes place and stars are formed. Inside the core of stars heat and pressure lead hydrogen to fuse into helium, light and heat is given off; this is what a star is.
The initial stars were massive and lived only a few million years and exhausted their hydrogen fuel and fused other elements; when the fusion process, called nucleosynthesis, reaches iron the star explodes in supernova. The accompanying heat of the supernova formed all elements beyond Iron.
There are 94 natural elements on Chemistry's Periodic table (scientists have synthesized another 20 elements in laboratories). The shattered stars spill these elements into space (to form nebulae).
Over time those elements agglomerate to form medium sized stars and planets. Our sun and its nine planets formed from dead stars 4.5 billion years ago.
On planet earth, in ponds of water carbon, hydrogen, oxygen, nitrogen, calcium, potassium, iron, zinc, copper, magnesium, sodium, phosphor and the other 64 elements in the human body joined to form biological organisms. First, single celled organisms were formed; later, those morphed into many celled organisms.
Evolution progressed and eventually evolved human beings. Human beings are animals who can think about who they are and can study their universe and understand it. And, amazingly, the universe can be understood! The universe has laws that it operates under and physics can study and understand those laws of physics.
As Albert Einstein said, the mystery of being is that we are animals who can actually understand our world; amazing, isn't it?
We are a bunch of elements understanding how the universe is put together! We are atoms that can understand atoms! We are photons of light that can understand the universe! Incredible, eh?
Only the most unimaginative scientist, such as Richard Dawkins (see his "the blind watch maker" and "the God Delusion") does not wonder if perchance there is something more than physics in our lives. It seems astonishing that pure accidents produced us.
Accident wrote Shakespeare's plays? When you read Hamlet, Macbeth, Julius Caesar and so on didn't it occur to you that only an amazingly intelligent mind could have such thorough insight into human nature? Can a monkey sit before a typewriter and pound out Hamlet? It cannot be done in a trillion years. Accident is not enough to produce us. I got up this morning and started thinking about love and went to my computer and typed this essay on love and accident made me do it? No volition on my part?
Give me a break, will you! I may not understand what in old William wrote his immortal plays but I do not believe that it is mere concatenation of atoms in his brain that did so.
Lady Helen said that all this evolution stuff is taking place in a dream. She said that we remain formless spirits and sleep and project out the physical world we see.
A formless son of God, now sleeping, dream that he is in a dream place called planet earth; one such dream figure is writing the essay that you, another sleeping son of God is reading.
In our collective dream we are trying to use dream categories, words to understand why we do not love each other. Our true self, Lady Helen tells us, is perfect love so how come in our current mental awareness we do not love each other? That are what I want to understand.
Union is love; separation is the opposite of love. Lady Helen said that heaven is perfect love. Union is love. God is love. The son of God is love. We decided to experience the opposite of our nature. We are love and want to experience the opposite of love. We are eternally unified and want to experience separation, albeit imaginary separation.
The physical universe was invented by us to enable us experience the opposite of our true self, love; we are in the dream to experience the opposite of love.
If you are on earth, Lady Helen said that you are here to experience the opposite of love. You are not a loving person.
I am on earth, in body and thus not a loving person! Now, do you get it, do you understand why I woke up this Sunday morning and my mind was overwhelmed by the fact that I am not a loving person!
I got up this morning and reviewed my life and concluded that I have never loved me and if I did not love me I could not love other people; I have never loved a human being! I have lived as the opposite of love, as the ego self in body. I have opposed love; I have attacked love; I have pushed love away from me.
All my life on earth, I have hated me and by logical necessity hated every person. I hated me, hated my parents, hated my siblings, hated my ex-wife (Jan), hated my children (Ijeoma, Obi and Kelechi), and hated every person I have come into contact with. Indeed I hate you, the reader of this essay! My very being on earth is hate!
Since I got divorced I have related intimately to seven women (Pam, Patricia x3, Monika, Lori, and Julia x2). As the world sees these things, I can honestly say that these women are good women. However, I did not love them.
Even in ego terms I did not love them! This is because I did not love me and actually do not know what love is! Because I did not know what love is, I am now trying to understand what love is so that henceforth I can only love every human being.
Please do not get sentimental on me. Why? I said that we came here to experience the opposite of love. In that sense all the people I have not loved did not love me, either!
That is right; no one has loved me just as I have not loved any one. Do you love people? If so what is love? Do you really know what love is? If you do not know what love is, besides erotic and or romantic love, how can you say that you love people?
Is having sex love? Sex is of the body; in sex two bodies relate to each other. Bodies are designed to separate us so how can we join with body? We can only join in spirit, not body; sex only gives us the illusion of union!
A course in miracles talked about what it calls Special love relationships. Here, we identify with separated selves housed in bodies. In our separated states we feel lonely for we miss our true state in spirit, unified. We then try to reduce our aloneness feeling by seeming to join other people.
On earth we try to join other persons with our egos and bodies. Egos and bodies were invented to make us experience separation from each other so how can we love with them? It is impossible to love with the ego and body, for they are the obstacles to love that we are told to get rid of.
Nevertheless, on earth each of us tries to love other people; we do so from our egos and bodies. This is substitute love. Here, we are attracted to those who have what we desire: companionship, compatibility, money, social position and so on.
As long as those things are there we stay together but when they are gone we separate and go look for those who can give us what we want.
If you have billions of dollars, as the Narcissistic President, Donald Trump told us, you can grab women's pussies and they would not complain but if you are poor they would sue you and take you to the cleaners or slam you into the slammer for daring to touch their overvalued bodies (bodies that would die and get eaten by worms...we value nothing when we value our bodies!).
When you die your body decays, and returns to the 64 elements that compose; atoms in time decay to the particles of electrons, protons and neutrons that compose them; in time those decay to quarks and then to photons of physical light. At the end of space and time the physical light, photons return to the awareness that they are a particle of spiritual light, that they are the sons of God. The idea is that your body does not exist except as in a dream; only God and his sons exist!
Here is the low down: I have not loved other people and other people have not loved me. Neither of us is to be blamed. We are not to be blamed because we came here to experience the opposite of love. I came here not to love me and people and people came here to not love themselves and me. We meet and did not love each other.
There are no victims and victimizers; we experience what we came to experience. A course in miracles said that it is impossible for any of us to experience what he did not want to experience; it says that if it were possible for what we do not want to experience to happen to us we then live in an accidental universe and God does not exist. Spurious scientists would then be correct in saying that we are the product of accidents and, as such, every behavior is appropriate. If science is correct, we are nothing! Are we nothing? What exactly is nothing?
Nothing means no particular thing, which means everything! What is everything but God? Read on, my friend!
God, it says, exists; the existence of God requires us to experience only what we want to experience for there to be justice in the universe.
Each of us is exactly where he wants to be and is relating to those he wants to relate to and experiencing what he wants to experience.
This does not mean that one is to be blamed if one mostly experiences pain. No, one experiences pain because in one's misguided mind one prefers pain to pleasure.
Pain and pleasure are all dream experiences; they are not real; where one is the other must be for one to be understood.
The goal of a teacher of God is to help all of us learn not to experience pain or pleasure but to return to love, which is to union and experience its peace and joy.
Our true self is love so we wish for true love. If we understand what true love is then it is incumbent on us to love ourselves and love each other. A teacher of God loves God and loves his self and loves all people, for he knows that all three are one self; a teacher of God is a teacher of love, for God is love; a teacher of God is a teacher of union for God is union.
True love, Lady Helen tells us, correctly, I might say (I purposely say Lady Helen said this or that; I agree with what she said and could very well say that I said what she said!) is based on our removing our egos.
All we have to do to love ourselves is remove our egos. All I have to do to become a loving person is to remove my ego. It is as simple as that. If I remove my ego I know that I am only love.
When one removes the ego one has removed the block to ones awareness of love and knows that one is love.
If I remove my ego I know that I am already and always love. I also know that you and all people are already always love.
I need do nothing to love me and love you! That is correct; I need do nothing to you to prove to you that I love you. All I need to do is remove the ego and I know that I already love you.
Please note that I did not say "my ego"; I do not have to remove my ego for the ego is not part of me; I do not possess it; I do not own it.
The ego is a stranger in my life, a stranger in your life; the ego is the alien in our minds. Our true self is unified spirit, aka Christ self.
The Christ self is another name for a son of God who, while in form, while on earth or the world of light forms recognizes that he is one with God and all people and loves God and all people; since those are part of his whole self, his complete self, he loves his whole self, he loves his whole self.
Alas, it is easier said than done to talk about removing the ego. On earth each of us sees his self as the ego housed in body. We defend our false egos and bodies with the various ego defense mechanisms, such as repression, suppression, denial, displacement, projection, rationalization, sublimation, reaction formation, fantasy, avoidance, minimizing and so on and with biological defense mechanisms such as food, clothes, medications, houses, fear and anger.
If you can stop defending your ego and body you would experience your real self, love. That is correct; if, for an instant, less than a second, you stop defending your ego with the various ego defense mechanisms and stop defending your body with biological defense mechanisms you would escape from this world and know yourself as unified with God and all his sons, you would experience Holy Instant.
The problem is whether you are willing to let go of ego and body defenses? We think that if we do not defend our egos and bodies we would die. We believe that all we are, are our egos and bodies.
Nothing could be more false than that false belief. We are eternal spirit. Ego and body are dream selves that do not exist.
How do you know this to be true? Do what Lady Helen asks you to do; do not defend your ego and body and you escape from the ego and body and experience God.
The ego is a false self and must be defended to seem real in our awareness. Without defense the ego and body disappears from our awareness!
When you have had the unitive experience you would stop arguing as to whether God exists or not, you would know that God exists and is the only reality there is; all others are noise made in dreams that do not exist.
To love me and to love other people all I need do is remove my ego, remove my current identification with the go and its body; I need do nothing else!
I do not need to categorize all my past evil behaviors, or judge me as good or bad. Judgement is of the ego.
The ego judges you and other people as good or bad and in doing so keep you in the ego struggling to become a moral ego, a nice person in ego terms.
Lady Helen tells us that what we do on earth, in egos and bodies have not been done for they were done in dreams. What is done in dreams have not been done.
So, it does not matter if in the past I did not love me and other people or even if consciously I hated people (which I have not done).
It does not matter what other people did in the past, even if they have murdered people. Whatever people do on earth, past, present and future are done in dreams and have not been done and, as such, does not detract from their real selves' innocence and worth.
Our real selves, regardless of what we did in ego and body are eternally innocent, guiltless, sinless and holy; we remain as God created us, one with him hence innocent (in union we are innocent but in separation we seem guilty).
All we need to do is overlook what we and all folks did in the past and we know our eternal loving self.
This does not mean that in the present you should run around murdering and raping people or stealing from people with the justification that you are only doing so in a dream.
If after reading this paper you still do what in ego terms is harmful to other people you have made a mistake. Every behavior has consequences for you and for other persons.
If you completely identify with the ego and harm other egos when you die you do not experience the world of light forms; upon death you are reborn in our world.
Radical Muslim Jihadists kind of think that it is cute to cut off folks heads. They are making mistakes. They must pay a price for their error. Upon death they are reborn in this world to pay a price for their evil behavior. They would not experience the world of light forms, gate of heaven, purgatory; they would simply return to hell, our world and live in hell until they learn only love.
Are those Jihadists are killing innocent? In God they are innocent but on earth they are misguided and want to experience murder in the hands of sadistic and psychopathic Muslim jihadists.
If you stop harming people, even if the world is a dream, you are now purifying your behavior; your ego and body is now put to positive purpose.
When you forgive the world; that is, love all people, when you die you will see yourself in a light form and experience the world of light forms. Indeed, even while in this world, if you are a loving person you will occasionally experience vision where you see you in light form.
Lady Helen said that when the children of God separated from him and manifest in bodies made of matter (matter is light transformed into dense form) that God could no longer reach them; God could not communicate with his sleeping and dreaming sons as he did in heaven, directly.
God then created the Holy Spirit. As the Holy Spirit God reinvented what his sons invented. We invented selves in bodies and a universe in matter, space and time. The Holy Spirit, that is, God in the temporal universe, reinvented our bodies into light bodies and reinvented our physical universe into a universe of light forms. Everything in our world has a version of it in light forms. Is this true or false?
To find out if the world of light forms exists try this experiment. Forgive the good and bad that other people did to you (I said good and bad for they are really the same, you do not know what good is; sometimes what seems to you bad by other people is actually for your own good!).
Why should you forgive those who harmed you and your people? Lady Helen said that the reason is very simple. You and people are in dreams and what you and they do is done in dreams. What is done in dreams have not been done. Those you see harm you and your people in the past did so in dreams and what they did in dreams have not been done.
Accept that the harms did to you by other people was done in your and their mutual dreams and overlook them.
If you get up tomorrow and forgive all the people who harmed your dream self and body and mean it and throughout the day love every person you encounter, you will see incredible things happen in your life.
If you see a person please say nothing about him (for you do not know who he is and why he did what he did).
Do not judge the person you see as good or bad (good and bad is the same); just let that person be without judging his looks, race, gender or behavior; just see a person and say nothing and if you must say something at all, in your mind silently say: I love you and leave it at that.
If you go through twenty four hours, just one day, forgiving people, that is, overlooking their egos and bodies and behaviors you are on your way to awakening.
In the evening or whenever is convenient for you try meditation. By meditation I mean sitting quietly or lying on your back quietly, closing your eyes to shut out the external world so that it does not distract you and give your mind something to think about. Then try to stop thinking.
Remind yourself that every thought that enters your mind is mere ego thinking hence dream thinking hence not your real thinking.
Do not think about physics, chemistry, science or anything else for all of them are illusions. Just keep your mind blank.
If you succeed in making your mind blank, with no ego concepts in it, say, for thirty minutes, you would experience things that would blow your mind!
When I began this process, at one point I felt total peace and calm. I felt my ego self-disappear and panicked and returned to the awareness of my ego self. Psychotics are persons who at one time felt their egos disappear.
In psychiatry this is called decompensation; here, ones habitual ego defenses fail and one experiences ego death; it is also called depersonalization and derealization. One panics and uses one's mind to invent a more big self and identify with that false grandiose self hence are now living in Lalaland, not our shared normal mad world.
As acute observers have noted, there is some connection between mysticism and madness; in both one loses ones ego self but in mysticism one gains awareness of our shared self, whereas in madness one freaks out and constructs a bigger self and identifies with it. R.D Laing almost understood this phenomenon; see his "Politics of Experience" and the "Divided self". (I am going to leave psychiatry and psychology alone for I am writing for the average person.)
One Sunday morning, while meditating I attained no ego self; I emptied my mind of all ego and its ego categories. Deep from inside me I heard a voice say to me: open your eyes. I did and right in front of me is another me! This other me is in light form. I got up from the couch where I sat. I tried to touch the light me but it had no physical dimensions. I walked through it and turned to look at it and it turned to look at me.
This is freakiest except that I felt total peace. Nevertheless, I thought that maybe I am having hallucination. I picked up my phone to call my spiritual advice, a Hindu Swami. As I dialed his number the light me disappeared and above my head was a roaring laughter!
I told the Swami what happened. He told me that I had just seen my astral self (that is what Hindus call the light formed self). He reiterated that each of us has a light self as well as our present bodily self.
That episode was my first vision. Later on, I had other visions including seeing Jesus Christ.
I bet that you are right now dying to ask me what color Jesus is.
Let me ask you: where was Jesus born? In the Roman province of Palestine (today's Israel), right? In Palestine were Roman soldiers. Roman soldiers at that time were mostly Germans. Germans are white. The German soldiers in Palestine did not write that the Jews they saw in Palestine are black. They wrote that they are swarthy, like today's Arabs.
Jews are not black people despite Africans illusion that they are. Africans must accept the truth and stop trying to make the truth fit their wished for ego state.
Jesus Christ looked like what any rational person would expect a person living in the Mediterranean climate to look: like today's Arabs or southern Italians.
Political correctness deludes Africans to saying that ancient Egyptians and Jews were black; well, they were not; they looked like today's Berbers, those who live in the Mediterranean climate, not too white and not black either.
From a psychological perspective, it could be said that my mind projected out the Jesus I see in my visions and gave him the color he takes for me. That is true but that been said, the fact is that in the extant world we know what people in different regions of the world look like. My mind in a dream (vision is wake dream) projected out the correct picture of Jesus, a white man.
At any rate, the color of Jesus does not mean anything; in so far as salvation is concerned all of us are the sons of God; where we live in space and time, our geographic location affect our skin color but our true self is formless spirit.
In my visions, Jesus was not in flesh but in light form. When I see him I am also in light form, my body is made of pure light and his body is made of pure light.
I am black and he is white; light can be black or white color; I say this in case you think that light is only in white form.
The point to all these talk about the color of Jesus is that if you truly are a forgiving person you would have visions.
Visions are not mystical union of God and his son. To have vision you are still in ego but your ego is purified with love.
Visions are not revelations, either. In revelation God or the Holy Spirit talks to you; what he tells you is for you but not for other persons although you can generalize and make it useful for other persons. For example, I was told to write on spiritual matters. In writing about them I clarify spiritual matters to me and, hopefully, to other persons?
To experience mystical union with God you must completely let go of your ego. Your current sense of self must go for you to experience your real self, the son of God who is one with God.
If you give up your sense of self and accept that you do not know who you are, maybe you can experience God.
If you do not experience God please don't worry about it. When each of us came to this world, started dreaming, we decided when we are going to wake up. There are no accidents in salvation.
You have already decided when you are going to purify your ego and have visions and when you are going to let go of your ego and have unified experience.
Of course, you are not currently aware of this decision but it is true, nevertheless. You may not awaken in this life time and this is by your decision.
You are saved by your decision, just as you condemned yourself to live in hell, our earth by separating from your real self.
When you decided to separate from God is also when you decided when you are going to return to union with him.
Time and space are illusion but within that illusion each of us does what he wants to do when he wants to do it.
In the meantime, if you forgive hence love all the least that you would experience is peace and happiness.
So, how come I have never loved me and other people in my entire life? It is because I denied my real self and identified with the ego separated self; I came to this world to experience the opposite of love which is the opposite of union.
I am here not to love me and not to love other people and that is why I have not loved any one. I have not loved any one because I identified with a false self, the ego self.
I defend the ego false self. Listen, as the world goes, I am a nice person. I can give you all the material things that I have and go hungry. I have been known to walk down the street and see beggars and remove my shirt or jacket and give it to them, as well as every penny in my pocket. That would seem to make me a nice person but I am not a loving person!
How do I know that I am not a loving person? It is because if you displease me I would feel angry at you. You have not seen anything yet if you have not seen me angry. If you make me angry I will come after you and do whatever I could to destroy you. Your death would not bother me one bit.
I have a grandiose ego, an ego that bears grievance for wrong done to it; if you slight my ego I defend that ego by being angry at you.
As long as I defend my ego I deny my real self. The egotist is the opposite of love and cannot love.
In ego one sees threats to one's body and ego and defends it. Fear is the chief mechanism for pointing out threats to ones ego and body. In ego one feels fear and anger.
I am prone to fear and anger. If you are prone to fear and anger you are in ego, Fear alerts the ego to what threatens it and anger fights to protect the ego.
Fear is the opposite of love for fear defends the separated self; love, to use an oxymoron, defends the unified self.
The unified self is formless, not in body, matter. Unified self, our real self is eternal and does not feel threat and is not fearful and dos not defend itself.
The point is that when you are in unified self, your true self, you do not feel fear; you only know love, peace and joy. In love you know no fear and psychological conflict.
If you do experience fear and anger (and depression, paranoia shame, guilt etc.) you do not love you and other people, for you are in ego. I do experience fear and anger which means that I am in ego state hence not in a loving state.
It is when we remove our egos and bodies that we return to the awareness of our real self which is perfect love and in it we do not feel fear, anger etc.
At present we are dream figures and, as such, are egos in bodies and do feel fear and all the other emotions of the ego.
Our true selves are love. Because our true selves are love we crave love. Yes, although we identify with ego and body we are always seeking love from other persons. I am always seeking love from the people I encounter and they from me.
The son of God must always seek other sons of God's love for he is love and cannot live without love. We must seek other people's love but as egos we fight what we seek, we fight love. When we defend the ego we are attacking love, fighting love.
When one talks from the ego one is attacking love. The lesson is to stop talking and behaving from the ego and simply do nothing and one experiences love with all people.
So, how do I love the person in front of me? The answer is very simple: by doing nothing. I do not have to give him or her money or material things. All I need to do is remove my ego and I would experience the love that is our real self.
If I do not respond to you from my ego and body I love you. The same goes for you. When you see me please overlook my ego and body and behavior and say nothing about me. Just keep quiet. If you see me and have no judgment as to whether I am good or bad and just be with me you would have loved me. In your presence I would feel peaceful and happy.
How do you know that a person loves you? In his or her presence you feel peaceful and happy. Do people feel peaceful and happy in your presence? If so you are a loving person. But if people feel tense and unhappy around you, you are not a loving person.
People sense when you are judging them, seeing them from your ego, for it is the ego that judges; your real self, Christ does not judge for he is only love.
A course in miracles says that when God became the Holy Spirit that he entered into our minds. On earth, our minds are divided into three sections. The first section is our real mind, the one mind we share with God, the unified mind of the unified self, the mind we have in heaven but on earth have forgotten it.
In our earthly minds we are aware of two sides to our minds, the left mind and the right mind. The left mind is where our egos are, the mind that does what adapts to this world.
In our right mind is the Holy Spirit and Christ (and Jesus), the part of mind that tells us to forgive what people did to us and what we did to people and in doing so overlook the ego and its world and if we do so we see visions (spiritual seeing is called vision; here, we still see people in forms albeit light forms so we are still in illusion but have purified seeing, purified illusions, purified madness).
If we forgive all what that means is that we are guided by the Holy Spirit and Christ; in so doing we attain living in the world of light forms and have happy dreams; we would be at the gate of heaven. From there we completely let go of our egos and experience oneness with God.
All these are metaphorical speaking. Just forgive all and you experience vision and if you continue on that path you experience Holy Instant, union with God and all his creation.
God the father, that is the transcendent God; God the son, that is, each of us; and God the Holy Spirit are phases of one God.
One God is God the father, God the son and God the Holy Spirit; in his dream he is the separated ego self. You are God in four aspects of his thinking and behavior!
Love is not a sentimental or morale issue, it is not something for the ego to grandstand and present itself as morale and better than other egos. It is an existential issue.
Our spirit nature is love but on earth we are born in body to be unable to love, to live as the opposite of love.
The goal of life on earth is for us, over several life times on earth, to learn that our true nature is love and that body and ego are obstacles to it and then let go of the ego and body and end our coming to the world and exit from this world.
Inability to love therefore is not something for which one should go about feeling guilty because one does not love; yes, one does not love for that is the nature of existence in body.
On earth, clearly the individual is only compatible with certain others for sexual activities. There are certain women that no matter how much a man desires them he would not feel aroused by them so he cannot possibly have sex with them. The fact is that the individual's ego and body is only compatible with certain other egos and bodies.
In our special relationships we are attracted to certain type of persons and that is all there is to it. If you are not attracted to certain others there is nothing that you can do about it; you simply overlook them and love the Christ spirit in them and not try to force yourself to like them in body and ego for you cannot force it.
The issue of forgiveness is controversial. For example, the ego immediately asks: should we allow murderers and criminals in general to run amok killing people? Should we allow Muslim radical jihadists to kill people and forgive them just because we ought to forgive people because what they do is done in a dream?
As one does to other people they do to one; what you give is what you receive. If you go about killing people some people will defend themselves by killing you.
Muslim Jihadists are beheading Christians. They have invited Christians to kill them. It is only a matter of time before Christian Europe go into the Middle East and kill millions of Muslims. They may even decide to wipe all Muslims out for Muslims have disturbed world peace for too long.
If Muslims cannot live in peace with the rest of the world then the world would defend itself and kill them.
Defensiveness is the mark of the ego so if your ego attacks other egos they will defend themselves and since the best defense is offense they will attack and kill you. When that happens you asked to be killed by killing other folks. You kill people and people kill you.
The mutual killing is done in a dream so nothing is done and thus is not a sentimental issue to moralize over.
Kill and the legal system of this world that is set up to protect egos in bodies will apprehend and kill you and that is all there is to it.
Occasionally, a man who wants to awaken from the dream of self-forgetfulness will forgive you if you attack him, but that happens in one in billion people.
Mass awakening has not occurred in this world. Throughout history only a few persons, such as Jesus Christ, have forgiven the world and awakened from its hell.
The point is that if you are a criminal you invite society of egos to defend itself by arresting and punishing you.
Within the egos world you will be hunted down, apprehended and punished. In God you are not punished but on earth you are punished for your antisocial behaviors.
No one is giving you permission to be antisocial. Only prosocial, that is, loving behavior is allowed for a son of God towards others.
I know a lot about separation from union and return to union. However, instead of doing what I have to do to attain reunion with God and people, which is what is meant by salvation, I keep waiting for the Holy Spirit to do it for me. Well, he is not going to do it for me for each of us is the Holy Spirit (if you like, he is our higher self).
My character has a weakness. That weakness is that I generally wait for other people to do for me what I ought to do to save me.
For example, as I look back at my marriage, I really did not ask the woman to marry me. I waited for her to ask me to marry her. In effect, she married me and I did not marry her! I did not ask her to marry me because I feared her rejection. To fear rejection is to be in ego which is to oppose love.
My ego fears rejection, for rejection makes it feel humiliated and small. To avoid rejection I do not take the initiative and do the right thing.
Recently, I am involved with a woman. I know that I ought to ask her to marry me; I know that she loves me. I vacillate. I cannot quite make up my mind to do anything that I ought to be doing. I wait for other people to take the initiative and do what needs to be done.
I do not go for what I know is the truth, which is what I want. Instead, I merely fantasize about the type of self and world that I want.
Salvation requires me to change my character and now take the initiative and ask for what I want and or go do what I need to do to get it. You do not get anything, good or bad, unless you take the initiative and go after it.
In the here and now world, if you want money you decide how you are going to get it and work for it; you are not going to become rich by merely wishing for it. The same goes for positions you want to attain in society.
Make up your mind; believe in what, to you, is true and go for it with your entire mind; work for it tirelessly; give it all you got; do so twenty-four-seven and you will get it.
In many ways I am really not an emotional adult! I am just an overgrown boy with outsized intelligence. I am extremely afraid of doing what adults are supposed to do such as love people in an unconditionally positive manner.
A man grows up when he loves those around him in an unconditionally positive manner. Love people and they feel accepted by you and feel a part of you and feel at home in this world.
If you do not love those around you they feel like they are abandoned by you and feel like orphans. I make those around me feel like abandoned orphans by not loving them. What I did most is provide people with disembodied and sterile intellectual analysis of assorted issues.
An ounce of love is better than gazillion intellectual analyses.
One must see all people as like one and love them all to love oneself. If you do so you make our world a little better place.
People are yearning for love but are afraid to love those around them because their egos fear rejection; by not loving they remain lonely.
One should take the initiative and love and care for people; if you have material things to give to them you do so but that is not a prerequisite of love.
Not loving people is rooted in an unconscious desire to separate from them, to stay away from them and protect ones false separated grandiose ego-self.
Henceforth one should place into one's unconscious mind the desire to unify with all people and let that desire actualize all one's thinking and behaviors in both ones day and sleeping, dreaming state.
Ozodi Thomas Osuji
Teacher of God/Teacher of love/Teacher of unified mankind
November 28, 2016