Wednesday, 07 September 2016 05:47

Dont ever try to change other people and the world

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Don't Ever Try To Change Other People Before You Change You For You Cannot

Ozodi osuji

People have a tendency to wanting to change other people; they want to change the world and make it a better place while they have not changed themselves. Generally, they end up not changing those they want to change.

You cannot change other people until you have changed you. In fact, the only person that you can change is you; you cannot change other people.

To start with, how do you know that other people, in fact, exist apart from you? You perceive other people, right, how do you know that what you perceive as out there is really out there?  You do not know for sure that those you see out there are out there for your perception may be showing you a mirage.

The only thing you know for sure is that you, the perceiver, is existent? Rene Descartes said: cogito ergo sum. I think, therefore, I exist.

It is you, the thinker, who thinks that you exist; you do not know for certain that other people exist. It could be that the people you see as out there are in fact in you!

George Berkeley's solipsism said that the seeming external world is in our minds! Hinduism and Buddhism said the same thing!

At night when we sleep we see other people and world that looks like the people and world we see during the day.

You do not know that the world and people you see during the day is not also in your mind, are part of your mind's dream.

Therefore, if you want to change the world you want to change your dream; you can only change your dream by changing your mind; if your mind produced a certain type of dream and you want a different type of dream you change your mind.

That is to say that you have to leave the dream you see as out there and change your mind if you want to change your future dreams, change the world.

Here is what I know for sure.  I have not changed myself.  I have a personality and have had it since age six, at least. I have not changed it.

I know that other people, to the extent that they are real, have personalities; they, like me, formed their personalities in their childhood; they did so with the aid of their bodies and social experiences.

I cannot change other people's personalities; I cannot change the world I see with my eyes as out there.

I take the consequences of my personality and behavior; other people take the consequences of their personalities behaviors.

Other people will remain as their personalities and keep on doing what they have always done but if I change my personality, my pattern of thinking and behaving, other people will relate to me differently.

The same people, the same world will relate to me differently if I change my personality and behavior.

If I completely let go of my self-concept and have no self-concept and become a blank with no responses to what other people do all that they can do is project what they see in themselves to what seems like me.

If I do not respond to their projections (behaviors towards me) they will soon realize that their projections have no effect on me and stop doing so.

People do not respond to dead bodies; or they respond to the memories they have of them but not to their dead bodies.

That is to say that if I am dead to my old self and have no ego separated self-people will not respond to it but may respond to the memories they have of my old self.

The salient point is that if I change my personality and behavior pattern the world would respond to me differently. Therefore, if I want to get different effects from other people I have to change me. I do not get different consequences from people by changing them, for I cannot change them.

If I see people doing whatever I see them do and not respond to them, one way or the other, they have had no effect on me.


What is love? Love is seeing people doing whatever they are doing and realizing that they are doing so because of their personalities and patterns of behaviors and not respond to them as their behaviors would normally cause you to respond to them.

For example, you see a person talking smack, say, putting you down, what in the past would have made you angry or fearful (because you identified with an ego that feels fearful  and angry)and you simply do not react to him. You keep quiet and allow that person to do his thing and do not say or do anything to him.

Do you know what that person would do if despite his verbally abusive behavior you did not feel angry or fearful or depressed or paranoid?  He would realize that he was making noise and have no effect on you; he would eventually rethink his behaviors and stop behaving as he did towards you.

Of course, if what the other person is doing is harmful to your body, such as physical attack, you call the police and have them arrest and jail him, for no one has the right to harm other people, but if all a person is doing is talking, blowing hot air you let him knock himself out and not respond to him in kind.

You should let people bloviate all they want, talk to their egos satisfaction and stay calm and do nothing to them (you may leave their presence, take a walk and leave them to talk to themselves...and from so doing realize that anger is madness).

Love means not doing anything to those acting out; love means ignoring their behaviors while loving their inner self, the son of God in them.

The son of God in each of us may temporarily go insane and act insanely in his behavior (for example, radical Muslims are, as we talk, acting insanely, trying to provoke the Christian world, and that world has nuclear weapons and could use them to wipe Muslims out).

The point is that you must strive to change you and never, let me repeat, never try to change other people; for nothing you do can change other people; the only person that you can change is you.

In the past, I tried to change people and the world and have not changed even one person and certainly have not changed the world.


The desire to change other people is rooted in ego false power; it is ego grandiosity to try to change other people; what is realistic is for one to change one.

Indeed, you do not even have to change you!


You do not have to change your personality, self-concept and behavior pattern.  Study and understand your personality, behavior pattern and self-concept and do not try to change them. Instead, let them go.

Disown your self-concept, behavior patterns and personality and tell yourself that they are not who you are.

Disown your past ways of doing things and in every situation do not respond in the past way you behaved and just remain quiet.

That is correct; understand how you ordinarily behaved and now choose not to do so and remain quiet. If you keep doing nothing you will experience an emptied ego self; you will feel like you have no self where you had in the past thought that you had a self.

The ego, the human personality, the self-concept is nothing but a made up puff of smoke that does not exist. The ego does not exist but is defended and defense makes it seem to exist.

Let your old self go and see no ego self in your mind. Your mind would be an empty blank and you now know peace and happiness.

If you need to respond to situations an inner part of you that is not your ego would do so; you respond peacefully, not from your old angry or fearful or depressed or paranoid self.


Consider what is currently going on between Christians and Muslims.  Radical Muslims are attacking Christian Europeans and Americans. It seems accidental but if you think about it you realize that in the past Western false Christians did attack Arab false Muslims.  Both are egos killing each other in a dream to see which ego is more powerful.

Or consider Igbo-Hausa relationships. Igbos essentially live to insult Hausas and Yorubas; that is, Igbos verbally attack Nigerians.  Hausas respond by physically attacking Igbos and Yorubas respond by making sure that Igbos are shut out of the Nigerian civil service (Yorubas control the technical aspect of governing Nigeria, they control the bureaucracy because they have technocratic abilities that Hausas do not have; Hausas control the political aspect of governing Nigeria; Igbos are kept out of governing Nigeria and left to complain about it and put the rulers down and gratify their vacuous sense of superiority to them).

Many Igbos are paranoid persons; as such, they like to put other people down; they verbally attack Nigerians and also attack other Igbos; they verbally attacked Hausas and Hausas attack them physically.

Now, seeing themselves physically attacked by Hausas, Igbos forget their verbal attacks on Hausas and see themselves as victims.

Igbos are not victims; they are not victims for if you attack somebody verbally he will attack you either verbally or physically; you invited that persons attack on you.

Igbos, Hausas and Yorubas (and all Nigerians) are experiencing what they want to experience; they invite each other's attacks and are attacked and respond with defenses (more attacks).

There are no accidents in this world; there are no victims and victimizers in this world, either; people experience what their behaviors call for.

Therefore, one should not have pity for Igbos, Hausas and Yorubas but merely observe their macabre dances. One should offer them an alternative way of living: love for all people.

I cannot be in the world were Igbos and Hausas are attacking each other; this is because I do not accept their crazy behavior patterns; I left their world because I do not want to be part of their mutually unloving behaviors towards one another.

Nothing can happen to me unless I want to experience it; the same applies to all human beings; each of us experiences only what he wants to experience. It is in that fact that exist the justice of God.

God would be unjust if his children experienced what they did not want to experience. There are no accidents in our lives, for each of us and all of us produced the world we individually and collectively experience.

If you want to experience a different world then change your behavior; instead of attacking people, either verbally or physically, you love them.

Love produces a peaceful and harmonious world; mutual attacks produce our world at war with itself.

Ozodi Osuji

September 6, 2016


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Ozodi Osuji Ph.D

Ozodi Thomas Osuji is from Imo State, Nigeria. He obtained his PhD from UCLA. He taught at a couple of Universities and decided to go back to school and study psychology. Thereafter, he worked in the mental health field and was the Executive Director of two mental health agencies. He subsequently left the mental health environment with the goal of being less influenced by others perspectives, so as to be able to think for himself and synthesize Western, Asian and African perspectives on phenomena. Dr Osuji’s goal is to provide us with a unique perspective, one that is not strictly Western or African but a synthesis of both. Dr Osuji teaches, writes and consults on leadership, management, politics, psychology and religions. Dr Osuji is married and has three children; he lives at Anchorage, Alaska, USA.

He can be reached at: (907) 310-8176