Relationships

Monday, 12 March 2012 00:34

Independence Or What?

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www.lavondastaples.com How many times have I heard someone say, "I don't need nobody. I pay my own bills. I got my own car. I got my own house?" Let me cut to the chase and let you know that I'm convinced that our entire society is convinced that independence is purely a matter of economics. It isn't. Who am I to disagree? I'm nothing. I'm a nobody. I can't tell you exactly how I know this but I believe that I'm right. I don't mind at all if you disagree. In disagreement there is growth. It's possible to have every…
On this Valentine day I seek a way to express my love for all sentient beings; Love is who we are; Love is really all there is; we temporarily sought to live as the opposite of love hence our seeming journey without a distance into the dream world. Love all people and have a happy dream. When you are tired of dreaming you awaken in love, also called God. Cheers. Nothingness Exists In The Universe Of Matter Space And Time (Is this your idea of love?) Ozodi Thomas Osuji The Hindu eight century philosopher, Shankara said that nothing exists where…
Monday, 13 February 2012 09:18

Bottomless Pit

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Since the age of eleven when I was privileged to be a flower girl at my older sister's wedding, I had always dreamt of one day finding a man as fine as my sister's husband and getting married to him. I later learned that there was a term used to describe people like me..."hopeless romantic". Of what difference did it make if I was hopeful or hopeless? The most important thing is that I was a romantic. While I sat in the front pew with the rest of the flower girls, my mind wondered away and took me to where…
Tuesday, 14 February 2012 09:11

So When Are You Getting Married?

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It seems like just yesterday January fourteenth rolled around the corner and I had to turn plus one, but now we are almost at the end of September. In four months time, I will be confronted with turning plus one again. God does not give me the option of getting older without turning plus one. I want to get older; I want to be more mature; I want to be wiser; I want to get the experience one only gets by spending more time on earth, but I do not necessarily want my age to go higher – at least…
Wednesday, 08 February 2012 08:13

To Date a Married Man

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In the generation before ours, and in the generation before the generation before ours, there were people – men and women – who questioned if marital fidelity truly existed. And now, in this generation, here I am, among many others, questioning the same issue, wondering if it is just an ideology instead of an actual day of life. There have been many cases of married men who have come to speak the words to me that in their heads, no woman can say no to: I want to marry you. There have been men who have tried to pretend to…
Tuesday, 07 February 2012 08:05

Men Are Like Cars

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You know what cars do to you? They make you feel like life will be better with them. Before you get a car, all you can think about is how much better life will be once you get a car. You will be able to go and come as you please. You will not have to plan your schedule around your sister’s free time anymore. You will not have to leave the house two hours before you start work to catch the bus, and you would not have to spend fifteen dollars on cab fare. Oh, and you can stop…
Tuesday, 07 February 2012 08:24

When Tying the Knot Turns Business

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There was a time when Africans, especially the men, kept to their promise of someday returning home to marry the women they left behind. And indeed, a great many did without regard to the women’s financial or social standing. Promises were generally kept, and love honored. Others returned to marry women that had been prearranged based on culture, religion, or family relationship. Those days are mostly long gone as relationship between fiancé and fiancée, at home and abroad, generally comes to an end within a few months of one party leaving the African shore. Today, most Africans who return home…
Monday, 06 February 2012 08:22

The Problem with Single African Women

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Annie Brisibe-Porbeni in her essay about the predicament, dilemma, distress and anguish that single, educated, intelligent and fun-loving Black women of African origin face in North America -- when it comes to the issue of dating and marriage is captured in the following excerpts from such women: "...How many of you have boyfriends, husbands or even seeing someone right now with the possibility of a serious commitment...?" "...Living abroad has put us in a box where men are concerned. You are forced because of lack of choices and a thin pool of educated, descent, okay looking and well mannered young…
Monday, 06 February 2012 05:54

This Scarcity of Soul Mates sef

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Marrying a Nigerian man is like buying a car from an auction. What you see is NOT what you get I am always looking for a married person who will coach me on how to find, capture and marry my soul mate, but it seems like the more people I talk to, the more confused I become. Some say "love is natural"; there is no need to work for it. Whatever is meant to be will be, but on the other hand, some people say "when you see what (who) you want, go for it (him)." Now, would someone please…
Sunday, 05 February 2012 05:43

Imprudent Heifers

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There really isn't anyway for me to call a woman an "imprudent heifer" and mean it in a nice way, unless of course there is a new meaning to "imprudent" that I do not know about. I chose to use "heifer" because my other choice would have been "bitch", but since I am not a fan of that word, all hail the "heifer". Pay attention closely because you might be one of them. I know most people are used to me pointing out all the wrong deeds of the Nigerian man, but let's face it, we are not saints. I…
Sunday, 05 February 2012 05:35

Date Me Jeje, Date Me Tender

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I have never, ever been on a date. For someone who can describe a perfect date even while in the middle of REM sleep, it is rather appalling that I have never, ever been on a date. I have ‘hung out’ with guys, and I have been ‘taken out’ by guys, but I have never, ever been on a date. I do not think I have ever had a man say to me, “Let me take you out on a date.” If a man has said that, then there is only one reason why I cannot remember it: going on…
Saturday, 04 February 2012 01:29

Be a Porn Star In Your Bedroom

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Some relationship problems in the home are caused by women. How can a woman live with the mindset that all that is important is for her to say “I do” after which her style of living doesn’t matter? This whole thing gets worse the moment a woman gets pregnant. A good number of Nigerian women believe in that old wives tale that says sex after childbirth should be kept until after three months. Nigerian women are active as single girls only for them to become older than their mother just because of babies; I have four children and I still…
Thursday, 02 February 2012 22:03

Sexual Intercourse In Marriage

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Sex as an issue can never be over emphasized in our relationships. Our culture and the society make us believe we should be conservative when it comes to sex related issues. People keep telling me to take it easy with this issue of sex to avoid being mistaken for a wayward woman. Well, your personal opinion of me doesn’t matter, what matters is God’s own opinion of me and how well I am able to fulfil my mission on earth. Who says I won’t be happy to have my spouse enjoy me in bed? This is our problem as women;…
Wednesday, 01 February 2012 13:10

Letter To The Single Girl

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It is the desire of every man or woman to someday become one with the opposite sex; nature made it so. As a Christian, I know that it is written in the Holy Scripture that God, after creating man, decided to make the woman for companionship which is the first and main reason for marriage. Every human being, no matter how strong we are, yearns for companionship. From birth, we have the love and attention of our parents and as we grow up, we begin to desire that love and care that comes from the opposite sex. This is a…
Tuesday, 31 January 2012 19:49

Kobo Kobo Love

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Both the essays, “Reasons you are not married” and “Sustaining Intimacy: What women and Men need to know on the challenging areas of intimacy,” are one-sided in their analysis of a general trend – the commoditization of intimate relationships. While they addressed the female angle at length, they omitted the male. Many men these days string several virtuous women along with promises of marriage while they milk them dry. Along with their mothers, these men demand all kinds of favors from their hopeful brides in return for wedding rings. Further, men today are particular about the kind of women they…
http://lavondastaples.blogspot.com This has been a year. I've been way up and way down. I've earned a large paycheck and I've also had to count out change in mostly pennies, nickels and dimes. I've earned my stripes this year. I never gave up for long. I did give up for maybe a week or a couple of days or even give myself over to tears for an hour. I never surrendered. I'm here. Big as life and twice as vivid and I must confess that I have trouble remembering that I'm almost fifty years old. I don't feel an age. I…
Tuesday, 20 December 2011 23:52

Retrieving Resolution by La Vonda R. Staples

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Embracing difficulty can be one of the most torturous and the most facile experiment ever undertaken by a living being. If you are dead inside you’re stagnant, stuck and sterile. Production is not the proof of life as there are many productive people who are not settled, peaceful, or even content. There are very successful people whose presence never gives an aura of bliss to their surroundings. I believe you have to be awake, conscious and engaged in life in order to embrace difficulties. I am a person who has lived through adversity and have arrived at a point of…
Friday, 16 December 2011 04:15

All This Wasted Love

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For the years that mattered I lived in a house with a mother and father. My grandmother and my grandfather were my parents. I watched everything my grandmother did and I learned from her. What I feel now for her is anger and sadness. Why did you teach me all of these things I’ll never be able to use? I know how to cook. I know how to clean. I know how to listen. I know how to love. None of these skills mean anything in my world. In her world they meant more than money, well almost more than…
Thursday, 15 December 2011 21:41

When love is undefined

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Are you searching for a life partner? Are you searching for love? Are you married and you wonder whether you really love your spouse? This book answers your questions. Love can be eternal, it can be sublime but when it is either misunderstood or discard its essence disaster is inevitable. Basically, you can't give what you don't have. Attraction and emotions can bring two people together but Love sustains the relationship. Are you in love, do you really think you are in love? Don't be in a hurry to respond. The beauty you desire in your relationship is just before…
Sunday, 13 November 2011 02:38

Marriage Needs Constant Sizzling

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We got to keep working on our marriages, for when we stop the marriage will stop growing. It will get stagnant and bad things will happen. It is interesting how we spend so much energy on our jobs and many other things and little on our marriages. We all take it for granted that we have “love” and it is going to take care of everything. The truth is that most of the time we do not act in love at all. According to ( I Corinthians 13: 5-7) " 4 Love is patient, love is kind. It does not…
Sunday, 13 November 2011 00:36

Rotation Turned 'Round

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I never meant to give the impression that the fault lies solely in the laps (or loins) of men.That was not my intention.I am the mother of sons and I have seen them cry real, soul breaking, almost unending tears over the words and deeds of women.Girls.Ladies.Females is more accurate because there is no specificity of species in the designation of "female."Females have ruined the tender male heart and it is no wonder that men have countered the rotation with schemes of their own. My sons have been told that they're not Black enough. This generally means that the woman…
Saturday, 12 November 2011 00:31

Sin and Rotation

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Societal changes rarely delete an institution which is vital to the existence of life. Meaning, there is no cataclysm which can eradicate birth, sexual interaction pursuant to said births, or even the exchange of communication or tangible gifts leading up to the possession of a mate to have sexual interaction to in turn produce a birth. There will always be a boy who picks the brightest apple to give to a girl in hopes of being the one most favoured by the deserving (or undeserving) 'she.' Humans have evolved and during this evolution customs have also expanded, constricted, gained meaning…
Troubles, dramas and untold grieves loom large within the Nigerian communities in the Diaspora. Finding their roles and place within a society most consider strange; how to raise a family that is at once western and African; how to maintain a decent standard of living and at the same time provide for relatives back home; and how to maintain a successful home are at the fore of the squabbles. And then there is the constant complain from women about men, and vice versa. The grouse from women mostly center on the inadequacies of men: they don’t send flowers; they don’t…
The United States of America is full of Africans who came to join their spouses and then unceremoniously abandoned their marital homes. One would suspect that that’s also the case in Canada and in the United Kingdom. Nigerians, more than other Africans, are masters of “taking off.” For whatever reason, there seems to be more female culprits than men. Within my circle of acquaintances, never a month goes by without new stories of wives or fiancée who absconded within a year or so of arriving inAmerica. But the really “smart” ones wait until after securing their greencards or citizenship, before…
There was a time when Africans, especially the men, kept to their promise of someday returning home to marry the women they left behind. And indeed, a great many did without regard to the women’s financial or social standing. Promises were generally kept, and love honored. Others retuned to marry women that had been prearranged based on same or familiar culture, religion, and or family relationship. Those days are mostly long gone as relationship between fiancé and fiancée, at home and abroad, would generally come to an end within a few month of one party leaving the African shore. Today,…