Relationships

Thursday, 20 June 2013 00:08

Frigidity And Sex

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As usual, this topic sounds a taboo to so many ears and shouldn’t even be mentioned in public. You know you are dying inside of you and you know you have gone into certain things you shouldn’t go into because you are not getting the real thing from the right source. Women are in our different churches looking for solution to their problems. Well, what you are about reading is one of and could actually be the solution you are looking for. Every woman is a fan of the penis; you may not be a strong fan or you are…
Thursday, 20 June 2013 00:05

Prerequisite For Marriage

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Marriage, I must tell you from experience, is one venture that’s worth preparing for – and very well at that. Your preparation is a function of who you really are, that is: personality/temperament, religion, location, family background, status/class, etc. For the purpose of precision, I will like to mention at this point that there is a huge difference between the marriage ceremony and the marriage union. Unfortunately, we find people and even ourselves preparing more for the ceremony than the act of marriage. Has it occurred to you the ceremony lasts for a day or at most two? Depending on…
Tuesday, 11 June 2013 00:00

What He Wants From You (2)

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I started this very topic last week and decided to do the concluding part of it today. Have you started practicing those few tips I gave out last week? Here is the concluding part of this article. He appreciates the fear of God in you. Charm is deceitful and beauty is vain, but a woman who fears the Lord shall be praised. The greatest legacy you can leave for your children is that of righteousness and godly living. The heart of your husband trusts you more when he finds out that you are close to God and actually lives it. …
Accepting the dissolution of a relationship is just as difficult as accepting the dissolution of a business. When you think of all the time, energy, effort, resources and thoughts you put into the relationship, it hurts that it has to come to an end and you try to do whatever it takes to salvage it, but when would you know to pull the plug? When medical practitioners are performing CPR (cardiopulmonary resuscitation), they apply manual pressure to the chest and blow air into the lungs through the mouth, mimicking the natural process of breathing in and breathing out, thereby circulating…
Saturday, 15 June 2013 00:00

Sexual Rejection 2

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Even the strongest person would first feel the pangs of being rejected and only put self together after a good session of either self-talk or simply reminding himself/herself of whom they are and what they stand for. There is no point making people who suffer rejection feel like they are the most insecure persons on earth- everyone feels pain when rejected but what you do with the pains distinguish you from a feeble hearted fellow who thrives on self pity or setting pity party around them. I have heard someone say once that rejection is a gift; it comes to…
Wednesday, 12 June 2013 00:00

Sexual Rejection

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This is something I have been thinking of handling for quite a while but needed to naturally get into it. By using the word ‘naturally’ I mean “Being sure people really wanted to read about it”. Mails, private discuss and anonymous questions have all revealed the ‘heat’. The word ‘sex’ on its own is treated as sacred; people aren’t very open to talk about it and when used carelessly by young ones is an indication of being corrupt. Growing up with this mentality has made addressing sexual issues in relationships even as adult almost a ‘taboo’. Whether we like to…
Saturday, 15 June 2013 08:33

What He Wants From You (1)

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I decided to write this article today due to the series of messages I received from men thanking me for letting them know what the women folk want and asking me to help them by talking to the women for a balanced relationship. Some people criticize me for always not balancing my articles. I do two articles every week's Tuesday is for women while Friday is strictly for men. If you meet 10 women differently and ask them to tell you what it is that men want in a relationship, their answers would be predictable. It is not different when…
Friday, 31 May 2013 00:00

Sooo… Yesterday Was My Birthday

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I know you were expecting a birthday post as usual, but nothing about yesterday’s birthday was usual. Like I mentioned before, what I really, really wanted was a birthday party, but since I came to that realization late. I decided to settle on having dinner with friends. This, too, was a late decision that only came on Wednesday night. I texted people on Thursday morning, and the dinner was on Friday night – my birthday – January, 14th 2011. Before we went out for the evening, Funmie told me that she went to the store and tried unsuccessfully to buy…
Sunday, 09 June 2013 00:00

Nothing Has Ever Felt Like This

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No, I am not talking about love (though that would be good), or money (even better), or fame and wealth (oh, best), but what I am actually talking about is what none of you will see coming. I’m talking about the greatest feeling ever…I’m talking about having the power to get rid of your frustration. I’m talking about having the physical and mental ability to expose a portal from which your burden and frustration can be let out. To be more specific, I am talking about shitting. Yeap, that’s what I’m talking about. What is it about shitting that has…
Monday, 20 May 2013 00:00

This Is Not A Love Story. Or Is It?

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If at the end of this piece you conclude that this is a love story, I will not mind at all. But I did not set out to make it such. I just figured I owed it to this special someone to say a few things about this special someone. The special someone is none other than my one and only Busola Osun. I mentioned her a little in a piece I wrote about girlfriends last year, but this time, I am dedicating this entire piece to her. Yes, I have that much to say about her. You see, Busola…
Monday, 03 June 2013 00:00

Life’s Like That Sometimes

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On Tuesday, July 20th 2010, what started out as a short trip to the University of Baltimore, Maryland turned out to be a real eye opener for me. How long its lesson would last is still unknown, but for my sake, I hope it lasts a long time. The University of Baltimore is the most libertine school in Maryland, as I have been told, and while I loved that bit of information about the school, I did not like its location: Downtown Baltimore. For the past decade, Downtown Baltimore and I have had a hate-hate relationship, and we have not…
Friday, 07 June 2013 00:00

Is It Really Wishful Thinking?

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Is it really wishful thinking to actually believe I would end up with my dream man? I guess that depends on who my dream man is. Well, I dream of a Nigerian man (at least six years older than me and educated) that would love me day, afternoon and night. I dream of a man that would love me on day one, and love me as much or even more on day ten thousand when we are wrinkly and old. I dream of a man that would bring me a rose for no reason; he does not have to do…
Thursday, 06 June 2013 00:00

Love And Be Loved

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Dedicated to all who fit the bill. Love is the most complex emotion I have ever experienced. It has so many sides and shades that sometimes I wonder if it is still love. How can you love a person one minute and want to kill them the next? How can you love a person and yet hurt the person so much? You know it will kill him when he finds out, but you do it anyway. You know he is hurting inside, but it does not stop you from lying in the other man’s bed. Love. Is it really that…
Tuesday, 11 June 2013 00:00

Sticks Or Worms?

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It does not matter what you decide to call yourself: girl, lady, woman, female, spinster, damsel… we all still want the same thing. We want that man that will sweep us off our feet and carry us to the land of forgotten troubles, which is why it’s a tremendous pain in the rear end when you meet a man who is a man, but isn’t quite the man. How many times have you had to start over because you had to accept the fact that “it’s just not gonna happen”? I know I’ve had to do so plenty times. As…
Monday, 27 May 2013 00:00

By Their Looks, You Shall Know Them

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There is something about a Nigerian woman that makes it impossible to not spot her. She may be properly dressed (and I use the word 'properly' sparingly), but there is just something about her that is very Nigerian. It is in the way she looks. There are so many aspects to this, but I will try to tackle them all. I will start with the aspect that bothers me the most: the eyebrows. Seriously, is there a rule that says it is wrong for women to keep their eyebrows? What is up with shaving it off completely and replacing it…
A year ago, I put up a post about the top 12 reasons why Igbos and Yorubas should not marry. One year later, the post is still getting comments from all kinds of people. Some people get the sarcasm, some people laugh, some other get angry, and some people just give me whatever insult they think is appropriate. Read and enjoy. Original post (and entertaining comments) here. Couples who are NOT the people I’m talking about (but who look good on my blog) Whether you are aware of it or not, many inter-tribal relationships have died an untimely death because…
Monday, 03 June 2013 07:44

10 Types Of Men Who Won’t Marry You

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Usually, when a relationship is over, that’s when you look back objectively and face reality. But most times, we can know these things before the relationship even starts. I culled this from Huffington Post, and I think it’s spot on! It’s a list of 10 men who will NOT marry you (and who, in my opinion, you we should not want to marry anyway). It was written by Samantha Daniels, a professional match maker and relationship expert. 1. Mr. “Still Hung Up On His Ex”: We have all been out with this guy. He says he is over his ex,…
Thinking about writing. Here's the thought: how many of us can or could walk in our mother's shoes? I'm thinking about my mother. She called me today and her presence filled this house. 38 years as a teacher. 46 years as a mother. 62 years old. What happened to her? What are her pains and her joys? Cannot look at this thing through my own myopic vision. Not when someone you love has put her own feelings aside and shared so much love. Put out that hand when mine was far from strong. I love my mother. I noticed that…
Thursday, 14 February 2013 23:51

Introduction To The Science Of Love‏

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This is the introduction to my forthcoming book, the Science of love. The book is still being edited (from its present unwieldy 1200 pages down to a manageable 1000 pages). I thought that you might gain some insights into religion, philosophy and the mission of science from this introduction. Please buy and read the book when it comes out later this year. (From now on I use my full Igbo name, Ozodiobi and drop my Christian name, Thomas. I reclaim my traditional role as the high priest of Amadioha, of the Umuamadioha clan and stop pretending that I am a…
Dating for love and marriage is contested and contextual. Dating not to be cheap is a tradition. It is generally in vogue. In their ethos, Nigerian females brag about not being cheap and therefore not to be touched at first dates, even in subsequent dates until they feel safe. But are they asking to be costly? May be not, but to keep men begging and staying. Culturally, what is being cheap, why is it valued in female personality belief and practice? Is there something behind this claim by the females to get treated as non-cheap persons? What consequences go with…
Friday, 05 October 2012 23:50

Grant's Mum is Wrong

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I have two sons and two daughters. Yet I spend almost every waking hour fretting, worrying, crying, and agonizing on one child. Joslyn Lavonne is 29. John Van II is 24. Grant Worthington is 22. And my Sarah Vaughn is 14. Yet I concentrate over my one son and beg Allah the Merciful for him to find his respect, dignity, purpose and reason. Joslyn is a beautiful college graduate who keeps her own house while attending graduate school. My Sarah can have the world. Grant is his own man and I rarely take the time to tell him I love…
Friday, 05 October 2012 23:43

And Yet Another Girl is Living My Dream

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I get emails from all over the world. It was no surprise when I received an email with a photo attached. Happy, shiny Black couple beaming from the base of the Eifel Tower. They were in Paris. I deleted it. Photo proof that another girl was living the dream, offered to me, but in my stubborn mind had cast to the side. One cold day when I was living on the East Coast a few years ago a very good Black man came to me, out of the blue, and said, “I’m going to marry. I’m considering you. But you’ll…
Wednesday, 04 July 2012 00:55

Only Heaven Can Hold His Heart

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www.lavondastaples.com Good morning. I've had my time of reflection. I've shed tears of grief, again, for the loss of my grandmother. It's time for some reality, deeper truth. I thought I could file her away in the back of my mind. I couldn't. I paid for that. As did my children in the days which followed my momentary giving up. Like any soldier I made a retreat from the battle. But like a great warrior determined, genetically coded with survival, I returned to the front. Stronger. Better. Wiser. And a little bit more magnificent to behold. She was placed in…
Wednesday, 13 June 2012 05:41

African Marriages in the US are in Turmoil

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The title of the cover story of African Abroad-USA - March 30-April 14 issue was “African Men Regretting Getting Married to African Women in the US”. First of all, I found the title gender biased. Moreover, the tone of the entire article was how badly African women treat their men. And what was most annoying was that the writer never gave the reason why his childhood friend – the subject of the article – concluded that “African Women Are Now Even Worse than Akata”. By the way, the word “AKATA” (frequently used by Nigerians to berate African-Americans) means a wild…
On Wednesday, May 10, 2012, the President of the United States of America publicly declared his support for homosexual life style. As far as law is concerned, his declaration makes no difference for only Congress can make laws that change the legal status of those who practice sodomy. Nevertheless, Mr. Obama’s endorsement of this deviant lifestyle adds a certain degree of approval for it. Gays, lesbians, bisexuals and transgender folk are jubilant. They are now salivating for the day that Congress passes law approving their life style. Thereafter, they would embark on a new campaign to have the law changed…