Wednesday, 08 July 2015 08:25

Tale of Two Men (and two women)

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This tale is true and based on actual adjudicated cases .It's about two Nigerian men living here in America. Both were married to Nigerian women and have children born in America. Both were successful if you define success in terms of having an education, developing a career, paying mortgages on comfortable homes, and sending the children to the public schools. Both were from the same Abia State, though their villages of origin differ. Both imported wives from Nigeria, though not from their own villages. Both had shared beds with women named Rebecca. One Rebecca is dead, and the other is alive in Texas with a hefty alimony payment and on a nurse's paychecks. Both men had stringent marital ideas embedded strictly in customary ways of doing things. One is in his third marriage, while the other is serving a life prison sentence for murdering his wife.

This is the background of Vincent of Abia. At the age of 60, Vincent had a Master's degree in accounting and was employed at a salary of $75,000 in IT Oracle data management. He has been married three times and has three children from the first wife. He divorced the first wife to marry the second who divorced him after one child and to whom he pays $1,500 monthly child support. Vincent was doing a good job, bringing money home and being a typical family man. Unfortunately, he was drinking unusually heavy, meeting with friends to quaff quantities of Heinekens and Guinness Stout. He was a party goer, the normal womanizer to whom women were for men's pleasure. His only regret was that his first wife was only a teacher, not a nurse like the wives of some of the friends he drank with.

On some of his forays to bars in Washington D C and Texas, Vin ran into beautiful single Naija nurses, and the idea developed in his mid-life head. Suddenly, Vin informed his wife of 25 years he had no more love for her. He imported a crayfish-like oyoyo from Florida, kicked his old, short, black teacher Nneka out of the house, and wedded and moved slender, high yellow nurse Rebecca  into the spacious home he bought with first wife. Vincent's second wife Rebecca became pregnant. No sooner had Rebecca become pregnant with a male child than she filed for divorce on grounds of irreconcilable differences. In the divorce papers, Rebecca, a proficient gold digger asked for $1,500 child support and the home Vincent and first wife Nneka  had bought. Judge granted the alimony but denied the house.

How did Vincent end up? After losing first wife Nneka and being abandoned by second wife Rebecca, to whom he pays a hefty monthly child support of $1,500, Vincent could hardly make ends meet. His health deteriorated and he had to go for hip-replacement surgeries in order to be able to walk. To make matters worse, Vincent also lost his $75,000 IT job. He asked Nneka for a remarriage, but Nneka wouldn't hear any of that. Nneka finally married a man recently divorced from his wife.  Finally, Vincent married a West African woman that is ugly, obese, unemployed, and childless.

This is the background of Charles of Abia. At the age of 55, Charles has a Master's degree in Economics and owned a limousine service company that gave him an income in excess of about $75,000 per annum . He has 2 boys and 2 girls who are being placed in foster homes because Charles has been sentenced to life in prison for murdering his wife. Charles of Abia  was lucky in that his wife Rebecca was already a nurse bringing home good bread; she was light skinned with buttocks to match, full of nganga (pride). But Charles wasn't that lucky after all in that   Rebecca wasn't docile or as obedient as Vin's teacher wife Nneka. Rebecca would call police to the home when Charles' behavior became uncontrollable, when he would yell and say to her: "I brought you ashawo (prostitute)  from nowhere, trained you in school until you got the stupid nursing degree, now you're making me inyanga (pride)." Rebecca would yell back in front of frightened children after receiving severe verbal  insults and beatings from Charles; "Get out or I will call the police." Afraid for her life, Rebecca upon the advice of other Nigeria ladies made good her threat and called the police.  Charles went to protective jail., and upon release, moved to Atlanta to drive Yellow Cab. Feeling that his wife Rebecca might be comfortable in the loving arms of another man, Charles drove 13 hours non-stop to Texas to stab and kill his wife in the presence of his children. He then took the kids to a motel from where he called to tell the police his chilling story.

How did Charles end up? He is serving life term in prison after conviction on charges of second degree murder.  His wife is dead; he might be wishing that he were dead and out of this world. His children are both fatherless and motherless.

Lessons From the Stories:

Vincent was carried away by his $75,000 IT job and thought he could earn that all his life. He was extremely arrogant and often bragged about his light skin and attractive features. The so-called mid-life crisis (grass  must be greener on the other side of the fence) catapulted Vincent to seek a second wife he hardly knew.  His stupid appetite for a nurse led him to grab Rebecca who was only an LPN which he thought was big money maker BSN/RN.   A combination of guilt and stress led to his failed health and eventual surgery that leaves him with a terrible limp. He regrets losing first wife Nneka whom he covets at Nigerian parties in the company of her new husband. He wants Nneka back, but Nneka doesn't want him. She's made do with her new husband. Vincent can hardly pay the $1,500 monthly child support he is asked to pay gold-digger, crayfish, oyoyo, home-wrecker Rebecca. Vincent, at age 65, is more than a simple a fool. He's "Akula Obu Onye Ara" (Don't beat; he's crazy).

Charles the murderer is as good as a dead man. He was carried away by extreme jealousy which is the scourge that afflicts many Nigerian men married to successful women. He must have told himself: "If I can't have her nobody should have her either." Eighteen years in prison will make him a 70-year-old bundle of shame. I believe he wishes he were dead to remove himself from misery of ever facing the children he had made motherless in their prime.

Choose which of the two men you want to pattern your life after, and email me

I am your

Marriage Coach


Writing, Research& Statistics, Master's Theses, and Doctoral Dissertations

Dr. James Agazie, This email address is being protected from spambots. You need JavaScript enabled to view it. , (678) 886-1613

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James Agazie Ed D

A retired college Professor  with educational backgrounds in law (JD) education (Ed.D, MA) counseling,( MS) and and mathematics.  Write on topics dealing with Nigerian families, marriages, education, and employment.