Thursday, 02 February 2012 22:03

Sexual Intercourse In Marriage

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Sex as an issue can never be over emphasized in our relationships. Our culture and the society make us believe we should be conservative when it comes to sex related issues. People keep telling me to take it easy with this issue of sex to avoid being mistaken for a wayward woman. Well, your personal opinion of me doesn’t matter, what matters is God’s own opinion of me and how well I am able to fulfil my mission on earth.

Who says I won’t be happy to have my spouse enjoy me in bed? This is our problem as women; we attend different seminars on family issues, but when it comes to the topic of sex, everybody wants to bend his or her neck while it’s being discussed. We just have to grow out of this cage of trying to be the good girl and begin to open up in this area.

There is this myth in our society that says a woman who is too involved in sex always age on time. This is absolutely false and has no medical backing. Yes, there are times when women are advised to stay off sex and that is for medical reasons. Sex has a healing power and is often used by psychologists in solving some relationship problems.

As African women, we are raised to believe sex is just for the satisfaction of a man. From a very tender age, some girls see sex as a tool to get whatever they want from men. Sex has suddenly become a medium of exchange; women now give their body in exchange for money, fame, and positions. Today’s article is not about sex outside marriage, but sex within the confines of marriage.

Why is it that even the very smart women, who were very good with sex before marriage, fail to live up to expectations in marriage? When I raised this question with among friends, some of them jokingly said, “Amara,you know say they don enjoy the thing tire outside marriage, na im make them no enjoy am in marriage”. I don’t know how true the above answer is, but one thing I know is that sex as an issue is killing so many marriages with no one wanting to talk about it. Even when couples know that the actual cause of the problem in their home is sex, they try to hold on to some irrelevant issues just because they must protect their image before people. Our inability to open up and discuss issues with other mature minds is beginning to tell on us.

Our women know so much now through the television, internet, and books and yet we go on pretending not to know anything; this is why women now keep boyfriends outside their homes. Our culture is one where it is a taboo for a woman to open up on sexual issues as that automatically makes her an unfaithful wife. The moment a woman opens up to her husband on what she wants to have him do in the bedroom, she becomes adulterous, one who is into extra marital affair.

But the truth is that we must, with all love and sincerity, get our men to understand that women should be respected sexually even after ten children. Some women that I have had the privilege of counselling have all complained about the attitude of their husbands in the bedroom. These women come to me with different kinds of issues, but after digging deep into them, you find out that the root of it all is sex in the bedroom.

A good number of men do what they do because they don’t get the sexual intimacy and satisfaction they want from the man. There is a big difference between sex and romance. A good number of women give sex, but definitely not romance; this is why they look at the girl next door. I agree with you that men are physical when it comes to sex, but I also know that there are men who prefer intimacy and romance to the actual act. Even when you have him always rushing to go into you, there are ways, without words, to get him to go the way you want. All it takes is you using your hand and your body to put him through.

The days of playing the timid and good woman is gone. Women no longer wait for men to initiate sexual intercourse. This is why it is good to keep just your husband and be faithful to him. From the comments I get from men, I realize a good number of them don’t want to be promiscuous, but the problem is that they get no sexual satisfaction and intimacy from their wives.

Children are gifts from God and so you would be wrong if you try to use them as excuse not to satisfy your husband and maintain close relationship with him. Let me show you some of those things stopping you from developing intimacy with your spouse:

Nagging

There will never be intimacy as long as you don’t let peace reign in the home. I know you want to show the man how smart and how much a civilized woman you are, but the fact remains that when you won’t let the man have a moment of peace with you, you are of all women, most miserable. There are ways to get a man crawling on his knees in repentance for wrong deeds without saying a word. I know it is something very difficult and could lead to heart attack if you don’t handle it well.

I know you want to stop sex with him because you caught him in bed with your best friend or house help. You decided never to go near him because you found out he has someone else out there. I won’t tell you to do what I have not done; I found myself in that situation, but I never for once opened my mouth to tell anyone, I found out he had, not just a woman, but a baby outside the home. I kept his reputation of a good and loving husband. It is never a good enough reason to call it a quit with him and stop sex even when you live under the same roof. Don’t bring down the roof because you saw him with another woman. I know it hurts badly and I wish our men could feel the pain in our hearts whenever such happens, but I also know that you can handle it with God.

Dirtiness

This one has led many decent men into extra marital affairs. I once published some comments from men on how women take care of their bodies. I remember a reader who told me he had given his wife just two weeks to make a change or have the marriage come to an end. This woman, a banker, comes home from work and jumps to bed without a bath all in the name of being tried. What on earth will make a woman go to bed at night without a shower? That you are beautiful and sexy outside doesn’t mean you are inside.

You must also learn how to carry your feminine body and keep it rightly toned for him. Don’t go ahead pouring bleaching creams on your body just because you found out his girlfriend is light-skinned; he is not after the colour, but the suppleness of the skin. Make it a daily routine to use oil on your skin and breasts. What does your bedroom look like? When the man enters the house and starts seeing what he shouldn’t see right from the living room, he loses interest in coming into the house. What do you expect when the man spends his day with very sexy and beautifully dressed ladies only for him to come back home to a woman with wrapper on her chest?

Poor fashion sense

I said it before and I am saying it again; stop playing ignorantly the godly and good woman. Stop running from pillar to post looking for solution to the treatment you get from your husband; learn the art of love making. I think Nigeria would be a better place if we stop seeing pastors as super humans. I agree there are pastors with good counselling skills, but majority of pastors pray when what is needed is counselling; simply referring people to a good counsellor or better still, go get some training in that area.

A woman, a very dirty one, who ties her hair twenty four hours in a day with her clothes two sizes bigger than her body, and her tummy like that of a six months pregnant woman, cries to you about the flirtatious nature of her husband. The best you can do for her is to say just a little prayer to satisfy her inquisitive soul, but don’t fail to tell her the truth of what she is doing wrong. I keep telling women to stop dressing for their pastors and start dressing for their husbands whose glory they are. That your pastor’s wife tie her hair and wears no jewellery shouldn’t make you ignore your husband’s choice; please find out what he wants you to wear and how he wants you to wear them. Never wear a long skirt when he wants you to wear a little black dress.

Bad sex life

I said this sometime on Facebook with many conservative Christians launching an attack on me accusing me of telling women to become wayward. I am not going to stop speaking the truth because some ignorant people asked me to shut up, but like blind Bartimeaus, I want to shout the more because those ones who pretend not to be interested in topics like this are the ones who commit all sorts in the secret.

Ladies, this is the only way to keep your man and get him to miss you whenever you are not around- In the living room, you must be a housekeeper; in the kitchen, you must be a cook and steward; in the prayer room, you must be a great prophet and evangelist; to his mother, you must be a great daughter; in his business and career, you must be a great counsellor and confidant; in your bedroom, you must make yourself a porn star. You can choose not to agree with me, but I have said the truth and nothing but the truth.

Source Credit. http://amarablessing.com/home/index.php?option=com_content&view=article&id=63:sexual-intercourse-in-marriage&catid=2:women&Itemid=5

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Comments (2)

    • It is not true that if a woman tells her husband what she wants then she becomes dirty or adulterous. The truth is who is telling who, and how?

      A discussion between friends is different from that between a dissatisfied wife and her ego-tripping husband.

      However, whether considered dirty or not, it is better said than suffer. Even churches don't shy from giving this type of counsel these days.

    • Paulo Anozie

      Amara please where are you? Can we schedule one on one sex talk?