Thursday, 20 June 2013 00:08

Frigidity And Sex

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As usual, this topic sounds a taboo to so many ears and shouldn’t even be mentioned in public. You know you are dying inside of you and you know you have gone into certain things you shouldn’t go into because you are not getting the real thing from the right source.

Women are in our different churches looking for solution to their problems. Well, what you are about reading is one of and could actually be the solution you are looking for. Every woman is a fan of the penis; you may not be a strong fan or you are a strong fan of the wrong club; you are definitely a fan. But I know in your heart of hearts you want to become a die-hard fan of the right club.

I am going to talk about those things that hinder you from enjoying good sex and having the kind of relationship you want with your man. Believe it or not, sex has a place and a role to play in your home. You may be there thinking your man is too spiritual to do certain things, but the truth is that his spirituality has nothing to do with his sexuality.

Okay, let me take you round those things that are there as stumbling blocks to your enjoying good sexual relationship with your spouse.

Frigidity is broadly used to refer to low libido (sex drive) in women. This is a word used to describe a situation in which a woman does not respond to her partner’s sexual advances. There are cases where women avoid sexual intimacy, and sometimes they get into it but don’t get to the level of orgasm at the end of the day.

One thing I have realised is that a greater percentage of frigidity cases are psychological. I once had a lady who told me she grew up with a lot of negative words about sex and that is still affecting her in her marriage. This very lady shivers when her husband is coming close to her and when at the end of the day the man gains access, there is no sexual pleasure just because of lack of lubrication due to fear. Sex, which is supposed to be a pleasurable experience, is now a nightmare for this very lady.

Frigidity could also come as a result of some unresolved issues in your marriage. There are women who are experts in keeping malice and are ready to go for weeks and months without talking to their man. I would advise you to drop this habit as it is only going to help destroy your relationship.

A woman who was brought by her husband to me for counselling told me she was raped by her uncle when she was 11 and she could not open her mouth to tell anyone. According to her, I was the first person to hear this and I thank God she is getting over it gradually. She saw a big dick going into her at that tender age and that left her with this very problem that almost led to the loss of her marriage.

I know there are women who are in relationships they never bargained for. Some were pushed into marriages with men who they have no feelings for. I understand how you feel; I understand the helpless situation you are in. But I don’t believe in people deceiving themselves. If you are in there, you have no reason, no matter how good it sounds, to cheat; please be faithful. Find a way to make it work and tune your heart to love him. This is a very difficult one, but if you have settled for it as your fate, you must make it work.

You could be in that relationship with a husband who is a wife barterer. You have been battered severely by him that to you, he doesn’t exist. I was in that situation, but with the help of God, I overcame it. I got to that point where I settled it in my mind that I was living just for my children. I found myself in that situation where I was battered and at the same time held on the bed for sex with blood rushing down my nose. But I keep wondering how God did it; there was no single bitterness in me and I kept forgetting as they happened. Maybe I would have been dead if I took it all to heart; I didn’t. But like I always say, I will never advise anyone to stay in a physically abusive relationship.

There are men who don’t care about the feelings of the woman. To this group of men, the woman is just there as another piece of furniture and they have every right to do with her whatever they like. Maybe you have found yourself in this kind of relationship where nothing you say is taken and your feelings are irrelevant.

I think you should stand and speak out because you can’t afford to live the rest of your life in pain. It is sad that a good number of women die in this world without experiencing true orgasm and sexual fulfilment. Sex is good and it is time you stopped reading and watching it in movies, get your husband and enjoy it with him.

If he is one of those dirty men who don’t believe in a night bath, please get him to start taking his night bath. If he is one of those who don’t brush before bed and that is your problem with him, find a way to talk him into it.

You could be having this problem because you are not too proud of your body. Let me tell you something that may shock you; a man, once aroused, does not care about your body. This is not an excuse for you not to work on your body if you should. If you are the fat type, please do something about it. If your breast is flat because of childbirth, don’t bother about it because that is nature and any man that encourages you to go for surgery for his selfish reasons is not in love with you.

I know there are women who can no longer enjoy sex with their husbands because they have been severely hurt by him. When there are issues like this, talking about them would help. If you think you cannot talk to him about it, if you think you are helpless and can’t find a way out of the problem, please see a counsellor who will lead you right.

I must say this; in your effort to get good counsel, please be careful how you run to religious leaders because I believe there are problems and issues in your marriage that only a trained counsellor can handle. That a man is called to preach the gospel doesn’t mean he is an expert in all areas. Our pastors should learn to direct people to the right sources because God has given us our heads for our own good. Don’t try to spiritualise everything.

If you are one of those women who believe that certain sex positions are unsanctified, I just pity you because that your sanctified man is catching his fun elsewhere. You better grow out from that foolish mentality and do whatever will add colour to your sex life. I can only stand against anal sex just because of the health implications and also for the fact that it is against nature. Do something now and save your man from wasting his money on those hunters out there.


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