As usual, this topic sounds a taboo to so many ears and shouldn’t even be mentioned in public. You know you are dying inside of you and you know you have gone into certain things you shouldn’t go into because you are not getting the real thing from the right source.
Women are in our different churches looking for solution to their problems. Well, what you are about reading is one of and could actually be the solution you are looking for. Every woman is a fan of the penis; you may not be a strong fan or you are a strong fan of the wrong club; you are definitely a fan. But I know in your heart of hearts you want to become a die-hard fan of the right club.
I am going to talk about those things that hinder you from enjoying good sex and having the kind of relationship you want with your man. Believe it or not, sex has a place and a role to play in your home. You may be there thinking your man is too spiritual to do certain things, but the truth is that his spirituality has nothing to do with his sexuality.
Okay, let me take you round those things that are there as stumbling blocks to your enjoying good sexual relationship with your spouse.
Frigidity is broadly used to refer to low libido (sex drive) in women. This is a word used to describe a situation in which a woman does not respond to her partner’s sexual advances. There are cases where women avoid sexual intimacy, and sometimes they get into it but don’t get to the level of orgasm at the end of the day.
One thing I have realised is that a greater percentage of frigidity cases are psychological. I once had a lady who told me she grew up with a lot of negative words about sex and that is still affecting her in her marriage. This very lady shivers when her husband is coming close to her and when at the end of the day the man gains access, there is no sexual pleasure just because of lack of lubrication due to fear. Sex, which is supposed to be a pleasurable experience, is now a nightmare for this very lady.
Frigidity could also come as a result of some unresolved issues in your marriage. There are women who are experts in keeping malice and are ready to go for weeks and months without talking to their man. I would advise you to drop this habit as it is only going to help destroy your relationship.
A woman who was brought by her husband to me for counselling told me she was raped by her uncle when she was 11 and she could not open her mouth to tell anyone. According to her, I was the first person to hear this and I thank God she is getting over it gradually. She saw a big dick going into her at that tender age and that left her with this very problem that almost led to the loss of her marriage.
I know there are women who are in relationships they never bargained for. Some were pushed into marriages with men who they have no feelings for. I understand how you feel; I understand the helpless situation you are in. But I don’t believe in people deceiving themselves. If you are in there, you have no reason, no matter how good it sounds, to cheat; please be faithful. Find a way to make it work and tune your heart to love him. This is a very difficult one, but if you have settled for it as your fate, you must make it work.
You could be in that relationship with a husband who is a wife barterer. You have been battered severely by him that to you, he doesn’t exist. I was in that situation, but with the help of God, I overcame it. I got to that point where I settled it in my mind that I was living just for my children. I found myself in that situation where I was battered and at the same time held on the bed for sex with blood rushing down my nose. But I keep wondering how God did it; there was no single bitterness in me and I kept forgetting as they happened. Maybe I would have been dead if I took it all to heart; I didn’t. But like I always say, I will never advise anyone to stay in a physically abusive relationship.
There are men who don’t care about the feelings of the woman. To this group of men, the woman is just there as another piece of furniture and they have every right to do with her whatever they like. Maybe you have found yourself in this kind of relationship where nothing you say is taken and your feelings are irrelevant.
I think you should stand and speak out because you can’t afford to live the rest of your life in pain. It is sad that a good number of women die in this world without experiencing true orgasm and sexual fulfilment. Sex is good and it is time you stopped reading and watching it in movies, get your husband and enjoy it with him.
If he is one of those dirty men who don’t believe in a night bath, please get him to start taking his night bath. If he is one of those who don’t brush before bed and that is your problem with him, find a way to talk him into it.
You could be having this problem because you are not too proud of your body. Let me tell you something that may shock you; a man, once aroused, does not care about your body. This is not an excuse for you not to work on your body if you should. If you are the fat type, please do something about it. If your breast is flat because of childbirth, don’t bother about it because that is nature and any man that encourages you to go for surgery for his selfish reasons is not in love with you.
I know there are women who can no longer enjoy sex with their husbands because they have been severely hurt by him. When there are issues like this, talking about them would help. If you think you cannot talk to him about it, if you think you are helpless and can’t find a way out of the problem, please see a counsellor who will lead you right.
I must say this; in your effort to get good counsel, please be careful how you run to religious leaders because I believe there are problems and issues in your marriage that only a trained counsellor can handle. That a man is called to preach the gospel doesn’t mean he is an expert in all areas. Our pastors should learn to direct people to the right sources because God has given us our heads for our own good. Don’t try to spiritualise everything.
If you are one of those women who believe that certain sex positions are unsanctified, I just pity you because that your sanctified man is catching his fun elsewhere. You better grow out from that foolish mentality and do whatever will add colour to your sex life. I can only stand against anal sex just because of the health implications and also for the fact that it is against nature. Do something now and save your man from wasting his money on those hunters out there.
I started this very topic last week and decided to do the concluding part of it today. Have you started practicing those few tips I gave out last week? Here is the concluding part of this article.
He appreciates the fear of God in you.
Charm is deceitful and beauty is vain, but a woman who fears the Lord shall be praised. The greatest legacy you can leave for your children is that of righteousness and godly living. The heart of your husband trusts you more when he finds out that you are close to God and actually lives it.
Being respected is more important than being loved.
Civilization is good, but it has also done so much to destroy our values. Women used to allow their husbands discuss privately with friends, business partners, and relations. I know some men still download everything for the woman once they get into the bedroom (this is highly commendable), but it would be nice if you allow him be in the presence of friends and relations.
There is a place that is for the man alone in every relationship. How do you think he feels knowing you call him all sorts of names and slap him in public only to wake up the next morning professing love without end? I know you are too educated and civilized to allow a man toy with you, but the truth remains that he will toy with you once in a while. No amount of love can take the place of respect for a man in a relationship.
Look sexy at all times
It is really sad how some women lose their sense of style the moment they become Mrs. XYZ. That man saw you and fell in love with you and your looks. He admired your style and hair-do; he was always running home to meet his wife who would be dressed in sexy lingerie. But things have fallen apart since the day your baby arrived and now the man, after seeing all the very beautiful ladies while at work, goes home to a wife who ties wrapper all through the evening and goes to bed in it. Madam, please help your husband by spending less on the Brazilian hair and Iman powder; use the money for some good, sexy night wears and lingerie. If your body is flabby, a little exercise would help fix you.
When a man enters the house on a daily basis with the thought of being welcome by a nagging wife, he starts looking for a better and more peaceful hideout somewhere outside the home. He is your husband and not your baby. If you know you got him from God and through the right means, there is no point struggling to keep him; your good character will keep him, but he will go if he is not yours. You should also work on your self-esteem and step up a bit if you think you are not good enough for him.
He wants to be well fed
Our women are gradually losing it when it comes to proper feeding of the family. Marriage is not about you being good in bed; what happens to the man after the good sex with no good food from his wife?
He wants to be envied for having you
I believe you know what this means. Your man wants to be praised, honoured, and called blessed by his friends just for having you as his wife. A good wife will ever remain the crown and glory of her husband. Your man cannot be proud to have you by his side when all you do is fight on the street and gossip from one house to the other.
What about your physical looks? I felt so sad the day I saw a man well dressed in jeans and t-shirt only for his wife to walk in with one Ankara that made her look like his mother. Ladies, please try to brush up a bit especially when you find your husband moving to a higher position.
This could be his reason for keeping you at the background in church and having that deaconess take your place in the running of the church. This could be the reason he does not take you along to business dinner and his company’s end of the year party. Please step up a bit and learn how to make heads turn whenever you walk in. You should know how to dress to suit all occasions.
I also advise women to make efforts to move higher in their education whenever they see a man aspiring for a new status at work. He wants to be able to flaunt you before his friends and colleagues without the fear of you acting or doing something to tarnish his image. Don't let him start looking for the very educated ones to relate with; get up and get some good education.
Invite him on a dinner date once in a while
We are brought up to believe that a man’s cross in life is to be our ATM. I agree with you and that is the principle of nature, but you have to sometimes foot the bills, madam. Our men feel special when we invite them for a date and actually take care of the bills. A good number of them will opt to pay at the end of the day, but they will ever appreciate you in their heart.
I also have this habit of making sure my man looks good. It could be very tough with a man who is full of ego and who hates being advised by a woman. If you don’t like how he dresses, don't dump him or probably sit far with your friends during occasions; you should have a way of making him dress well and to your taste (that’s if you have a good fashion sense).
Cigarettes make you cheap and easy
You may not agree with this, but I know a good number of people think this way. This has nothing to do with timidity, but the first impression people have about you when they see you smoke as a woman is that you are not a happy person, you are a very cheap whore and one of those women who live in the club, you have no morals and good upbringing, and you are simply frustrated.
Please don't drop the pet names
He was honey, sugar-pie, baby, and ololufe before the baby came. The baby has come and now you are a member of your village meeting. The one time honey-pie has become baba Iyabo and papa Nkechi. In doing this, you are indirectly telling him you are no longer the sexy baby, but mama Iyabo and mama Nkechi.
He wants you to have high self-esteem
It does not take too much effort to know a woman with very high self-esteem. A woman that is high in self-esteem will never waste her precious time discussing other people. A woman with a very high self-esteem does not live a life of constant suspicion. You are making life miserable for him and nagging him out of the house just because you have failed to deal with the terrible disease called low self-esteem.
He loves it when you smile
A woman who smiles has a way of reaching the deepest part of a man’s heart. A woman of cheerful countenance finds her husband and even his friends addicted to her. There is nothing as healing and soothing to a man as his wife opening the door for him with a cheerful face. There is this glory and aura that surrounds you when you have a free spirit.
I used to be a very good listener, but after my bitter experiences in marriage, I started feeling I was taken advantage of because of those virtues that I exhibited in marriage. This made me become very defensive and kind of saucy. But during my morning devotion someday, I read the passage of the scripture that asks us to be quick to hear and slow to speak. This made me start praying and with the help of God, I am learning again to keep calm at all times and this is really working in my relationship.
I didn’t just get here; I found myself here due to past experiences. Maybe you found him taking advantage of your goodness and godly qualities. You could have seen your friends who exchange words in public with their man succeed in their marriage; this does not make it right. Don’t let what other people do make you change in the negative.
Learn to say I am sorry
I am one person who cannot keep malice. I forget things the moment they happen and I forgive easily. This made me live to be crawling on my knees begging a man for peace to reign in the home even when he was always wrong. When the marriage came to an end, I promised myself never to apologise to a man again. I tried this severally, but you know true love has a way of breaking you in pieces without you knowing it. There is nothing wrong in you being the one to apologise for peace to reign in your home. It doesn’t make you the weak party, it says just one thing; you are a real woman.
I decided to write this article today due to the series of messages I received from men thanking me for letting them know what the women folk want and asking me to help them by talking to the women for a balanced relationship.
Some people criticize me for always not balancing my articles. I do two articles every week's Tuesday is for women while Friday is strictly for men.
If you meet 10 women differently and ask them to tell you what it is that men want in a relationship, their answers would be predictable. It is not different when you ask men what they want from their woman. You will get all the answers acceptable to the society, but the truth is that what men say they want is, in most cases, different from what they actually want. This article, if well read and assimilated could bring the change you need in your relationship.
Every man wants a woman who will make him feel good and on top. If a woman understands that the best way to make a man feel good in a relationship is simply by being a woman, that woman will have the man, a real man, go places for her.
I laugh when women, during my counseling sessions complain of their in-laws calling them witches and accusing them of using juju to control him. I want you to hear this: if as a married woman, you have not been accused of such, there is something you are not doing right or true love and friendship is absent in your relationship. Men, most times believe they are the head; I agree they are the head, but when it comes to control, the woman is actually in control of the man (you may not understand this now).
Before writing this article, I talked to several men and with the knowledge gained from my counseling sessions; I bring to your knowledge those things that will make your man go the extra mile for you.
Don't stop professing love
A good number of women are good when it comes to romance before marriage, but once they enter the man's house, it becomes a battle ground. I was opportune to counsel a woman who was well known as a flirt when she was single. When I encountered her, she was the opposite of all she was. This made me to remember what my aunty told me sometime; there is the law of diminishing returns. You don't have to stop those sweet words just because you are now his wife; he still yearns for those beautiful words.
Centre of Interest
Most men want to be the centre of a woman's interest, whether that is fair or not, and don't want her devotion to work placed above her devotion to him. I know men in this generation don't like getting married to a woman who will become a liability, but they also want a woman who will somehow depend on them.
Women often feel men detest career women just because they are independent; you are very wrong. As a very busy woman and one who wants to touch lives in her generation, I have come to realize that men are not really against us because we are busy and have good source of income. They are attracted to women like us because of their level of intelligence and commitment to work.
The problem is that when they get close to you, they are disappointed by your 'I don't need a man' attitude. Yes, you work hard for your money, but he still wants to be brought in when it comes to certain decisions.
More feminine look
Men are visual; everyone knows. To a good number of men, even when they go after semi-nude women, they still adore women who have those feminine looks. Your feminine look catches a man's attention and makes him see you as a woman who loves being a woman and not a sex toy.
I remember one evening at Ikoyi Club when men made so many beautiful comments about my flowing dress and dropping ear rings. There were ladies there who dressed half naked, but didn't get the kind of compliments I got. I am saying this to let you know that your look says so much about you. Don't go on making that mistake of believing men love you semi-nude. When you dress that way, they see you as nothing, but a sex toy and they get attracted to you just for that reason.
When you wear more of those dresses and long hairstyles, men get crazy for you for the right reasons. You also have to know that men are not so much after how much you weigh; they want your body proportionate with the curves still there. I must also use this medium to remind us we are still African women. You are not supposed to be obese, but don't forget that African women are envied for their curves, hips, and bum.
I know a good number of men love women with these features, but I must also tell you to always try to find out how your man wants you to be in your efforts to look skinny. Recently, I was told by my man to make sure I don't lose my hips and bum just because I want to lose weight. He further said what he really wanted to say, I don't want you to lose any weight. I had to forget about losing weight because I love him and want to make him happy.
He enjoys good sex
Please don't be deceived into believing your husband is too spiritual and busy that he doesn't care about sex. No matter his level of spirituality, he still loves good sex. Don't let anyone brainwash you into believing there are sex styles that a good Christian or Muslim shouldn't get involved in. Anything done during sexual intercourse in marriage is right and acceptable. Find out what your husband wants, but don't forget he may not open up to you because of his position in the church; find it out yourself by attempting to do those things to him. But you also have to help him not to see sex as hard labor by losing some weights, dealing with that vaginal odor, and being very flexible for him.
Dress to please him and not other women
Often times we ignore the desires of that man we claim to love just because we want to make a statement among friends. I may excuse you if you are in just a dating relationship with him, but the moment you take that relationship a step further into courtship, you must start seeing yourself as the glory of that man.
Being the glory of a man means you are now to dress the way he wants and how he wants it. Don't fix that hairstyle or lashes because they are in vogue and your friends have them on. Don't go for a short or long dress without first knowing what he admires in women. If you go ahead dressing for your friends and not for him, chances are he may end up getting attracted to a woman who dresses the way he wants.
When I did an article in 2009 on unfaithfulness, a man called me confessing how he is into an extra marital affair just because his wife refused to dress the way he likes. According to him, he likes women in jeans, well manicured red polished nails and red lips. He said he spends so much to buy the best designer range for his girlfriend who wants to please him. He said he will stop being unfaithful the moment his wife starts dressing for him. Ladies, please don't go on dressing for your religious leader or the society; dress for your man.
Sit with him while he eats
They will not tell you, but this is one thing they cherish. When it was just a dating relationship, you did this and much more like stroking his back when he eats. But now that he is legally yours, you feel it's no longer important. I see women eat before or after their husband; this is wrong. Meal time is actually a time to bond with the man you love. It is not enough for you to just cook and have him eat while you do other house chores. He wants you to stay by him while he enjoys, not just the cooking, but the beautiful woman he is in love with.
The concluding part of this article comes next week. My number is strictly for sms; please bear with me.
Some relationship problems in the home are caused by women. How can a woman live with the mindset that all that is important is for her to say “I do” after which her style of living doesn’t matter? This whole thing gets worse the moment a woman gets pregnant. A good number of Nigerian women believe in that old wives tale that says sex after childbirth should be kept until after three months.
Nigerian women are active as single girls only for them to become older than their mother just because of babies; I have four children and I still feel on top. I know a particular woman who was known as a flirt while in school. This very woman even got involved in a blue film scandal, but when you see her today, there is nothing appealing about her.
I will start with childbirth. Girl, there is no danger in you resuming full sexual intercourse three weeks after delivery(except for medical issues); it is purely a matter of personal taste but there are no medical reasons to delay. It is a bad idea to put sex off indefinitely because abstinence becomes a habit, and by the time you know it, the man is gone far from you.
The first time may seem a bit of an ordeal, but it is worth trying and speeds up the resumption of normal sexual relationships. Having orgasms soon after delivery helps your healing process. Orgasms help the uterus return more quickly to its normal state. It also helps in tightening your vaginal muscles.
You may not know this before now, but your man is also affected negatively by childbirth. After experiencing the pain of childbirth, a good number of men put off sex in an unconscious bid to prevent their partner from having to go through such “horrors” again. You must help your man recover from that shock by getting as close to him as possible even if the actual thing is not done.
You will also find women sleeping in a different room with their baby months after delivery; this is also wrong.
I know in the African setting, you are not the only one taking care of your baby. Yes, you need to bond with your new blessing, but please, don’t forget the man. You should spend more time with him at this stage. Don’t allow the blessing of God to your family stop you from having the kind of relationship God intends for you.
Caesarean section is not an excuse to avoid sex. I have had a caesarean section but I resumed my exercises two weeks after it. You can have sex three weeks after that surgery, but the man has to be careful and wait a minute; sex isn’t just about the banging. Don’t allow the wrong mentality of our people affect you. You need to start seeing it as a process of delivery. There is nothing wrong in a caesarean section. However God chooses to deliver you is supernatural. I enjoyed mine, before and after. You can enjoy yours too.
Your baby is a gift from God, and the blessings of God add no sorrows. C’mon girl, get up and get going. Live your normal life, be happy, and enjoy the man in your life. Remember: what God has joined together, let no childbirth put asunder.
What happens after childbirth? What is your body like now that the baby is out? A good number of women are very careless with their body and this is not peculiar to the unread. Even the very educated ones are clueless when it comes to body care.
After childbirth, you must work tirelessly to ensure your feminine body is intact. You do this by engaging in Kegel squeeze and watching your sitting posture. Endeavour to keep it tight while seated and change that style of walk that makes you look aimless. At all times, your tummy must be properly tucked in. This is a very good exercise to help your sex life; try it, it works.
Then in the bedroom, I have said it before that every good wife must be a good chef, not cook, in the kitchen, a good housekeeper in the living room, a good prayer warrior, a good daughter to the mother-in-law, and in the bedroom, a porn star. Believe it or not, he wants some spice added to your sex life.
Are you aware that his constant nagging and anger could be because he is not getting what he wants in the bedroom? Are you aware that you can actually control him if to the amazement of everyone if you know what to give him and how to deliver it at all times?
Now let me tell you this, a lot of men are getting tired of the usual-missionary sex position where you just lie like a log of wood and have him do his thing; no way! You are talking about women liberation and getting women to rise to their place in life. It is not enough just occupying (just like the latest fuel subsidy protest) the bedroom, you must occupy him. Get him begging for you to stop. Are you aware there is a way you handle your husband that he becomes weak emotionally thereafter? You must get into the gym and get fit to be able to deliver. You must take your place and start riding him like those girls out there. You cant go on riding him with your mouth alone; ride him through good sex. Get on top and do the magic.
Sometimes, you keep bothering yourself about your flat boobs. Don’t worry, he is the father of your children and he understands. The most important thing is for your body to be supple and firm for him to touch. He will be scared of your obesity and untidy looks; please get it right with your weight.
Finally, don’t forget the act of foreplay. It must not be the man who asks for sex. Please learn to open up and tell your man you want him. You have to mean it when you say you want him and not because you know he is getting ready to go see Biola. The desire for him must flow from the inner part of your heart; this does magic.
When you get into the bedroom, you must be learn to make some sounds and let your husband feel he is the man. They say there are four kinds of women in the bedroom:
The religious- they make certain religious sounds like ooh God…
The Ashmatic- Aah,aah…
The obedient- yes, yes,oooh yesss…
The Aggressive- They tell you how to go about it and what to do to get it right.
Well, I don’t know which one you are, but your husband knows. The most important thing is for him to hear some sounds and not feel like he is sleeping with a log of wood. You can still enjoy good sex years after marriage, but it also takes the right and energetic man to get you there. More reasons you have to do the right dishes for him with some good natural aphrodisiacs.
Sex as an issue can never be over emphasized in our relationships. Our culture and the society make us believe we should be conservative when it comes to sex related issues. People keep telling me to take it easy with this issue of sex to avoid being mistaken for a wayward woman. Well, your personal opinion of me doesn’t matter, what matters is God’s own opinion of me and how well I am able to fulfil my mission on earth.
Who says I won’t be happy to have my spouse enjoy me in bed? This is our problem as women; we attend different seminars on family issues, but when it comes to the topic of sex, everybody wants to bend his or her neck while it’s being discussed. We just have to grow out of this cage of trying to be the good girl and begin to open up in this area.
There is this myth in our society that says a woman who is too involved in sex always age on time. This is absolutely false and has no medical backing. Yes, there are times when women are advised to stay off sex and that is for medical reasons. Sex has a healing power and is often used by psychologists in solving some relationship problems.
As African women, we are raised to believe sex is just for the satisfaction of a man. From a very tender age, some girls see sex as a tool to get whatever they want from men. Sex has suddenly become a medium of exchange; women now give their body in exchange for money, fame, and positions. Today’s article is not about sex outside marriage, but sex within the confines of marriage.
Why is it that even the very smart women, who were very good with sex before marriage, fail to live up to expectations in marriage? When I raised this question with among friends, some of them jokingly said, “Amara,you know say they don enjoy the thing tire outside marriage, na im make them no enjoy am in marriage”. I don’t know how true the above answer is, but one thing I know is that sex as an issue is killing so many marriages with no one wanting to talk about it. Even when couples know that the actual cause of the problem in their home is sex, they try to hold on to some irrelevant issues just because they must protect their image before people. Our inability to open up and discuss issues with other mature minds is beginning to tell on us.
Our women know so much now through the television, internet, and books and yet we go on pretending not to know anything; this is why women now keep boyfriends outside their homes. Our culture is one where it is a taboo for a woman to open up on sexual issues as that automatically makes her an unfaithful wife. The moment a woman opens up to her husband on what she wants to have him do in the bedroom, she becomes adulterous, one who is into extra marital affair.
But the truth is that we must, with all love and sincerity, get our men to understand that women should be respected sexually even after ten children. Some women that I have had the privilege of counselling have all complained about the attitude of their husbands in the bedroom. These women come to me with different kinds of issues, but after digging deep into them, you find out that the root of it all is sex in the bedroom.
A good number of men do what they do because they don’t get the sexual intimacy and satisfaction they want from the man. There is a big difference between sex and romance. A good number of women give sex, but definitely not romance; this is why they look at the girl next door. I agree with you that men are physical when it comes to sex, but I also know that there are men who prefer intimacy and romance to the actual act. Even when you have him always rushing to go into you, there are ways, without words, to get him to go the way you want. All it takes is you using your hand and your body to put him through.
The days of playing the timid and good woman is gone. Women no longer wait for men to initiate sexual intercourse. This is why it is good to keep just your husband and be faithful to him. From the comments I get from men, I realize a good number of them don’t want to be promiscuous, but the problem is that they get no sexual satisfaction and intimacy from their wives.
Children are gifts from God and so you would be wrong if you try to use them as excuse not to satisfy your husband and maintain close relationship with him. Let me show you some of those things stopping you from developing intimacy with your spouse:
There will never be intimacy as long as you don’t let peace reign in the home. I know you want to show the man how smart and how much a civilized woman you are, but the fact remains that when you won’t let the man have a moment of peace with you, you are of all women, most miserable. There are ways to get a man crawling on his knees in repentance for wrong deeds without saying a word. I know it is something very difficult and could lead to heart attack if you don’t handle it well.
I know you want to stop sex with him because you caught him in bed with your best friend or house help. You decided never to go near him because you found out he has someone else out there. I won’t tell you to do what I have not done; I found myself in that situation, but I never for once opened my mouth to tell anyone, I found out he had, not just a woman, but a baby outside the home. I kept his reputation of a good and loving husband. It is never a good enough reason to call it a quit with him and stop sex even when you live under the same roof. Don’t bring down the roof because you saw him with another woman. I know it hurts badly and I wish our men could feel the pain in our hearts whenever such happens, but I also know that you can handle it with God.
This one has led many decent men into extra marital affairs. I once published some comments from men on how women take care of their bodies. I remember a reader who told me he had given his wife just two weeks to make a change or have the marriage come to an end. This woman, a banker, comes home from work and jumps to bed without a bath all in the name of being tried. What on earth will make a woman go to bed at night without a shower? That you are beautiful and sexy outside doesn’t mean you are inside.
You must also learn how to carry your feminine body and keep it rightly toned for him. Don’t go ahead pouring bleaching creams on your body just because you found out his girlfriend is light-skinned; he is not after the colour, but the suppleness of the skin. Make it a daily routine to use oil on your skin and breasts. What does your bedroom look like? When the man enters the house and starts seeing what he shouldn’t see right from the living room, he loses interest in coming into the house. What do you expect when the man spends his day with very sexy and beautifully dressed ladies only for him to come back home to a woman with wrapper on her chest?
Poor fashion sense
I said it before and I am saying it again; stop playing ignorantly the godly and good woman. Stop running from pillar to post looking for solution to the treatment you get from your husband; learn the art of love making. I think Nigeria would be a better place if we stop seeing pastors as super humans. I agree there are pastors with good counselling skills, but majority of pastors pray when what is needed is counselling; simply referring people to a good counsellor or better still, go get some training in that area.
A woman, a very dirty one, who ties her hair twenty four hours in a day with her clothes two sizes bigger than her body, and her tummy like that of a six months pregnant woman, cries to you about the flirtatious nature of her husband. The best you can do for her is to say just a little prayer to satisfy her inquisitive soul, but don’t fail to tell her the truth of what she is doing wrong. I keep telling women to stop dressing for their pastors and start dressing for their husbands whose glory they are. That your pastor’s wife tie her hair and wears no jewellery shouldn’t make you ignore your husband’s choice; please find out what he wants you to wear and how he wants you to wear them. Never wear a long skirt when he wants you to wear a little black dress.
Bad sex life
I said this sometime on Facebook with many conservative Christians launching an attack on me accusing me of telling women to become wayward. I am not going to stop speaking the truth because some ignorant people asked me to shut up, but like blind Bartimeaus, I want to shout the more because those ones who pretend not to be interested in topics like this are the ones who commit all sorts in the secret.
Ladies, this is the only way to keep your man and get him to miss you whenever you are not around- In the living room, you must be a housekeeper; in the kitchen, you must be a cook and steward; in the prayer room, you must be a great prophet and evangelist; to his mother, you must be a great daughter; in his business and career, you must be a great counsellor and confidant; in your bedroom, you must make yourself a porn star. You can choose not to agree with me, but I have said the truth and nothing but the truth.
It is the desire of every man or woman to someday become one with the opposite sex; nature made it so. As a Christian, I know that it is written in the Holy Scripture that God, after creating man, decided to make the woman for companionship which is the first and main reason for marriage.
Every human being, no matter how strong we are, yearns for companionship. From birth, we have the love and attention of our parents and as we grow up, we begin to desire that love and care that comes from the opposite sex. This is a very wonderful feeling and it is natural. It is this yearning for companionship that has led many young girls to do wrong things to get what they want. I support people having relationship with the opposite sex, but carefulness and decency remain the watchword.
Our culture has also made it in such a way that parents begin to worry about the future of their son or daughter the moment they leave secondary school. This worry becomes worst the day they graduate from the university without having a man in their lives. It is the desire of every parent to carry his or her grandchild before death. This makes them put pressure on their children for marriage.
But how do we satisfy these desires of our parents when money is all that matters in our society? Isn’t it sad how, even parents have traded the future of their children on the altar of money? I wrote about a young girl who lives big in Abuja, courtesy our ex VP. This girl was not even cautioned by her own parents-how much we hate our own blood just because of money.
The ex VP bought the latest land cruiser for her father, houses, and placed him on a monthly salary. What responsible father will trade the future of his daughter just for temporary pleasures? Now this girl has seen the reality and does not want to set her eyes on the father; what a pity
She wasted her youth and made no good use of her beauty. There were suitors all over her, but she was too occupied with the wealth she was enjoying that she had no time to see them. She saw those young men as small rats just because the ex VP was there. The painful thing about this kind of life is that you are blinded while it lasted, but the moment you want to make amends, you realize it’s too late for you. Now, her body is gone and even with all the money and external beauty, her vaginal muscles are weak due to anal sex. What young man will go for that kind of a girl? But don’t get me wrong, some gigolos are after her now and you know how that kind of relationship ends.
This lady is not the only one going through this; a lot of girls are leaving in eternal pain today because they traded their happiness and future for the pleasures of this world. A good number of young girls are living big in Abuja, Lagos, and Port-Harcourt. They sleep during the day and work at night. You envy them when they tell you they are into contracts and international businesses. Whenever they go to their villages (if at all they do), their mothers are proud of them without knowing what they are into.
How many of our young girls living in good houses and driving the best of cars are actually working? Isn’t it surprising to see very hardworking and gainfully employed ladies not living as big as the jobless ones? What about our so called celebrities? You call them celebrities; I see a good number of them as mere prostitutes. I am disappointed with some organizations that use these ones as role models for our youths. How can someone who goes naked on screen and kisses everything kissable with tattoos all over her body suddenly become a role model to African youths?
Men are coming now for your hand in marriage, but you keep looking at them as fools who don’t know their levels. That top politician is paying the bills and all you do is move from one country to the other on holidays and probably run a very big shop in the FCT, Allen Avenue, or Awolowo Road, Ikoyi. Have you at all sat down to think about the future?
I also haven’t forgotten the story of a top Abuja fashion designer who has been married for about thirteen years now without a child. I just pity our young men who just get married to beauty without checking out the background. This very lady was sponsored by a late bank chairman and who she promised marriage only for her to settle for a young blood after the man had bought her houses and trained her in UK schools. Before the man died, he placed a curse on her saying she will never get pregnant not to talk of having a baby.
In your desperation for wealth, you are selling out your birthright. You are losing great opportunities of settling down with a man or securing a good job just because there is someone somewhere paying the bills. Your future is being destroyed by you and don’t forget, that man has his family somewhere. He is married with his children all doing well somewhere. Where are your own husband and children? What legacy are you leaving behind-cars and holidays?
Don’t forget he came to you for what he is getting now and you may not be the way you are in the next five years. You will get enough money from him now or possibly get a very good position at work (courtesy Alhaji and Senator), but he is also succeeding in turning your body into what it shouldn’t be. By the time you start changing due to age, he turns to the girl next door.
You may be lying to yourself believing that the moment you are ready for marriage, you can get any kind of man with your money. How do you feel when you look at your type, those women who made the same mistake you are making now? How do you feel when you see them with their “handbag husbands”? Do you think they are proud of themselves? And the truth is that the boy does not love you because of anything positive; he wants the money in your bank account and the moment he gets it, he knows where to get the good girl.
What about your character? Some girls are too decent, hardworking, cultured, and religious, but you see them having this problem of marriage. Character is everything in a woman. You are not married because when guys come around you, they see nothing but a girl without character. When a man, a real Nigerian man, wants to get married, he looks for answers to these questions:
Is she a home girl? You can’t be a home girl when all you do is move from one night club to the other and from one cinema to another. Get back into your mother’s kitchen please.
Can she keep my home?
Is she godly? He will ask this question because he wants his children to be raised by a godly woman.
Does she have those motherly attributes in her?
Will she love my mother? This question is necessary because you could be one of those praying for his mother not to be alive when he is ready for you.
Can she satisfy me? How well do you take care of your body? Please don’t be deceived; you can never be good sexually just because you are old in the game.
Can I trust her? A very important question because he needs to trust you with his finance and love.
Any marriage that is entered into with these questions answered turns out good. But with the kind of lifestyle you are into, your type will come to you and when this happens, the rest of your life will be lived in pain. Our men can be crazy all round, but when it comes to marriage, they know where to turn to because people like you are just there as sex toys.
It is always better learning from other people’s stories, but if you choose not to learn, other people are going to learn from your story. And what are you going to tell your children in the future (if at all your womb hasn’t been sacrificed for money)?
You should always have it in mind that no matter how much they profess to be in love with you, a married man will never love you more than his wife. He is not after you because he loves you; he loves your body and what he is getting out of it. Trading your future for the pleasures of the moment can only lead you to eternal pain.
You are not married not because there is no man ready for marriage as a good number of men are looking for life partners. The major reason Nigerian men are now scared of marriage is waywardness. Men are now afraid because they don’t know who to trust and also not sure if that beautiful girl they are interested in still has her womb intact.
They are also afraid because of the high mountain ladies have suddenly placed themselves on as no woman wants to date a poor man any longer but are all interested in those with good cars and houses.
A man recently told me why he does not allow his girlfriends to come to his house. According to him, he doesn’t want a case where a girl enters his house only for her to refuse leaving because of the beauty of the house and cars she will see.
Isn’t it surprising how single ladies now out-dress married women with good jobs whose husbands are very rich? You are not married because the single men around you are wondering if they will be able to meet up with your ever-demanding lifestyle. Even when they know they can afford it, what makes them believe you won’t take a walk tomorrow if anything goes wrong?
Another reason is that with your good job and salary, they are even afraid to come near you as they wouldn’t want to be turned down.
I have a female colleague, a very pretty girl who lives in her own house and drives a posh car. She also has different businesses to show for it. Recently, I advised her to calm down a bit as friends I introduce her to who ordinarily would have gone for her, all run away after meeting her and come back to me with the same word, “Amara, this one go send me go village.”
Another reason you are going to grow old in your father’s house is this: You want a ready-made man instead of a growing man with vision. Are you aware that if you have not obtained favour from God, the man will decrease instead of increasing when you enter his house? Work on your character, the words that come from your mouth, your lifestyle, the way you carry yourself, the way you dress, the places you visit and then spend time trying to find favour before God because it’s only favour that can make your husband increase the moment you step into his life.
In fact, the moment a man proposes to you, there must be some positive movements in his finance if at all you have obtained favour.
It is never your duty to find a man. While he is working trying to raise money to sustain whoever he takes home to his mother, you should get yourself busy obtaining favour from God for you to be his source of blessing. A man knows when the wife is a source of blessing and that is the only time he cherishes you.
In the previous paragraph, I said the man should take you home to his mother. I don’t understand why you get married to a man who believes it’s just between the two of you. Read the Bible; they all took their wives home to their mothers. If a man cannot take you home to his people, something is wrong. Isn’t it surprising how many of us are married without knowing our husband’s village and his mother’s bedroom? Marriage, in the African culture, is not between the man and woman alone, the two families must be involved.
Hey, you have to stop moving from one prayer house to the other in search of miracles that are not coming even after you might have emptied your pocket. Go back to your room; deal with your character and bad nature that is filled with pride and disrespect for the elderly. Cut down on frivolities and that is not all, deal with your party and aso ebi spirit. You must also deal with that thing that gets you to aimlessly move from one end of the street to the other all in search of precious souls to destroy. Change that mentality that says you use what you have to get what you want; any man you get with your ass is as filthy, unreliable and irresponsible as you are.
Common girl, go deal with yourself first before you start blaming your step mother of being the one keeping you down. Stop blaming your neighbours and friends of standing on your way to progress. I just told you the bitter truth which your Alfa, Babalawo, pastor andImam may never tell you. Stop wasting your time chasing shadows, go and deal with yourself first before complaining.
I know of a wonderful lady who sings so well that when she comes to lead in worship, miracles take place. People love her, but this lady is unmarried till date. It is not because men don’t go to her for marriage or because she is ugly; her number one obstacle is her character. They say there are many old single ladies in our churches; I think I know the problem and not that most of them wasted their lives in frivolities only to realise the last minute that they have to run into the church where they can get a brother to marry.
I am not trying to judge anyone’s past, but the issue is that even when they join those churches, their characters don’t change. It’s really appalling how some ladies talk to men simply because they are in the same church. Some of them fight everyone in their department in church while some live their lives begging from one member to the other.
What do you have to say about ladies who fight for food during church meetings? Those guys would be foolish to see the stuff you are made of and still go ahead to take you home to mama.
I always tell ladies that if by the age of 30 no man had asked to know if you are for sale, there is something wrong somewhere; its either spiritual or attitudinal, but the truth is that it is always more attitudinal than spiritual.You have been fasting and praying and going for all levels of deliverance but it seems nothing is working. What is your character like after all the prayers and religious devotions? It is sad when I see a single girl walk up to a married woman sitting with her husband and telling the woman to get up because she was there before her. You attend functions with extra bags to pack food and drinks and when it’s time to hit the dancing floor, you do that as if there is no tomorrow. What do you expect from life when you are the source of all quarrels in your neighbourhood, church and office?
This is the moment of truth and if at all you want to be delivered, your decision to deliver yourself is the first step to your breakthrough.
Culled from PM News