We have done a considerable amount of work helping Nigerian couples iron out difficulties they encounter in their marriages. We prevent divorces and help husband and wife to understand what is required in a good marriage. We thank a friend Mr. CM's wife for editing this write-up and critiquing my sometimes muddled ideas to make them sound clearer. She reports that she and her husband are living better and happier than they had ever done before. And that made me call up the man to congratulate him. The husband appreciated the pat on the back. Depending on what you make of it and how much work you are willing to put into it, marriage can be fun to be enjoyed by each member of the family. It requires a unique teamwork, a joint-effort that builds solidarity or shared aims. The husband takes the lead in lifting the entire family burden and the wife helps in spreading joy around while shouldering a fair share, particularly when both spouses sometimes are tired after working long hours outside the home.
Wives want the same thing men want in a marriage: to be respected, valued, appreciated, and shown love to. Wives desire opportunities to obtain appropriate education and make wise career choices. They need the husbands' support to express marital love and have a balanced home life in an environment unthreatened by oppression or big oga mentality.
Wives want consortium. Consortium is the joy and fulfillment we get from being in a group, grouping, conglomerate, or syndicate. What better group can a man or woman belong to than the family? Marriage is the most enduring human institution designed to be enjoyed, cherished, appreciated, and made the best use of. That charity begins at home is not to be taken lightly as empty incantation. There is no excuse for a wife or a husband to feel lonely or abandoned in the home when every moment should be spent talking, joking, cracking stupid jokes, discussing the last sexual encounters, massaging and praising that person you are married to.
OFFER GOOD EDUCATION AND CARREER
America is a land of opportunity, a woman-friendly terra firma, a territory where a woman can climb to any height with 10% natural intelligence and 90% motivation and massive support from the person who matters the most in the world- the husband. Find out your wife's aptitude(talent or fitness), ability ( knack or skills), and aspiration (target or price she is willing to pay). Then push her to achieve the target with encouragement and gentle persuasion.
LEAD BY EXAMPLE AND DEMONSTRATION
America is a land of opportunity for any man, a land that rewards effort (rather than luck), a place where a poor Nigerian man from Afugiri who graduated from a Nigerian secondary school without chemistry and biology labs can come to and obtain the MD degree In medicine from one of America's top medical schools. It is where one Owerri man obtained the PhD in mechanical engineering and became Dean of College of Engineering. So, while you are pushing your wife up the economic ladder, step on the ladder and pull yourself up as far as you can go and then stretch down your hand and pull up that woman you love. Hold her by your side and look over the horizon. Watch your children at the foot of the ladder glow with pride and say: "Ah! Papa, help us get to where you and Mom are. Ah!"
HELP CREATE GOOD HOME ENVIRONMENT TO BALANCE WIFE'S LIFE
A wife who is made to feel she is being married just to cook, clean, and make babies will feel less fulfilled than one who is integrated and whose life is balanced. Give your wife the opportunity to experience connectedness to your family, to her children, and to you in particular. Encourage her to speak with you freely and with your parents as often as possible, You the man should be friendly and in communication with her own family members. And don't forget to remember birthdates, and funerals, and those little gifts. Evidence appears to exist to demonstrate three things that make wives happy are, in descending order of importance: (a) emotional commitment; (b) whether husband makes more money than wife; (c) fair sharing of household chores, and wives like for the husbands to take active interest in raising the kids, helping with homework, attending parent-teachers meetings and participating in kids' sports and extra-curricular activities; and (d) complimenting your wives' looks and telling her you love and appreciate her.
ALLOW WIVES FREEDOM TO EXPRESS SEXUALITY
An important reason for dissatisfaction with marriage is the lack of the joy of sex. Unlike Nigerian society where our parents regarded marital sex as a mechanism solely for procreation (producing offspring), marriage, in the West sex can be seen as an end in itself to be enjoyed by a married man and his wife and not necessarily to have a baby. While a man reaches organism before the wife begins, a husband is advised to give his wife adequate opportunities to explore avenues to express sexuality (including oral sex). That requires patience and encouragement from all concerned.
REDUCE THE BIG OGA MENTALITY
Your wife is a help-mate by your side, not a door mat under your feet, or a load on top of your head. Therefore, as a man, you ought to help your wife do things she cannot do well because she does not have time, is too tired after coming home from work, or doesn't have the competence. We advise men to participate fully in taking care of the lawns, cooking, laundry, and ironing clothes, doing things in which men are faster, and save more time than wives. A man should avoid engaging in excessive blaming and belittling of wives and saying "I am a man." We know you are a man, but we are asking that you be a bigger man when you wash your hands at the sink before dinner, feed the kids, or warm and serve food before that woman returns from work.
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Master's theses, and Doctoral dissertations