Relationships

Saturday, 18 November 2017 16:06

Pastor or Husband: Who's In Charge of the House?

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Essay contains some profanities. Readers' discretion is advised. Frank was jealous of his wife's Pastor. An older Nigerian student who had emigrated from Nigeria a few years earlier and was enrolled at a college located in this writer's Georgia community, Frank was such a remarkable character he could not be easily forgotten, The big news was that Frank knocked the front teeth out of Pastor Smith's mouth in retaliation for simple loss of consortium. Consortium is the benefits a man derives from being married to his wife. The benefits include but are not limited to sex, companionship, groping, association, syndicate,…
The Arewa Boys are mistaken to lump all Ndiigbo in a bundle and pass them off as deplorable undesirables. I am Igbo, and I sometimes dislike some of the things my fellow Igbo people do. While I admire Ndiigbo as a hard-working tribe, I dislike bip (pronounced B-E-E-P, meaning bad Igbo people). I do dislike some of my people very intensely for many reasons. The purpose of this essay is to state categorically that Ndiigbo are responsible for their predicament in Nigeria. This explains why the bad Igbo people have earned the title "the most reprehensible, blameworthy, and antisocial persons."…
Friday, 02 December 2016 17:33

Isn't This How Lies destroy Marriages?

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The purpose of this essay is to correct the wrong impression many people have about Nigerian marriages. It used to be that folks blamed women for troubles Nigerian couples often experience as they negotiate the contractual agreement known as the marriage vow. I have written many essays that heap insult and rudeness on top of the heads of womenfolk. It is sad! We conjecture that three facts often emerge in every marital palaver: his side of the problem, her side, and what the real issue is. Does this make sense and how does this play out in real life? This…
Wednesday, 11 May 2016 02:08

The Abigail Principles

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Happy Mother’s Day - In honor of the mothers who died in the line of duty. Reading stories of recent domestic violence victims, one gets the impression that born-again Christian women are especially vulnerable. This vulnerability could be attributed to the sect’s: (a) over-emphasis on a wife’s unquestioning submission to her husband; (b) blind obedience to leader/church edicts to the exclusion of all reason; and (c) trans-fixation on miracles. Simply put, the over-emphasis on a wife’s unquestioning submission forces abused wives to tolerate whatever their husbands dish out regardless of the impact on their families or lives. Blind obedience to…
I just want to tell you, my darling wife, " I LOVE YOU DEARLY" I say this in CAPITALS because I want to emphasize the gravity of what I am about to say Please read my declaration of love carefully to see what we must do to avert The enemy that is creeping in to destroy what you and have built with blood & sweat Though many of the couples we know or started our marriage with are fallen behind Yet my love for you is more expansive than the East is from the West And, Baby, the love I…
PREFACE: This essay was written a few years ago in Abuja, Nigeria, and completed in Atlanta, Georgia, after interviewing a few Nigerian couples at various stages of breakup. We were able to save the marriages of couples who were willing to be talked out of divorces and who wanted to change problem behaviors and learn new skills. Marriages can be saved if and only if the man and woman involved seriously want the marriage to survive so much they are willing to reconcile and admit that they still love each other despite the occasional strurm und drang (Gr); that they…
Tuesday, 13 October 2015 17:07

Can Money Fetch Human Love For Real?

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Can money fetch love? You be the judge from experiences and circumstances observed and sometimes lived out. Money can do things and sometimes cannot. It all depends on what needs are to be at play. But human needs can be compelled to burst money to satisfy them. We are humans when human needs are satisfied. Elsewhere, in a thread in the Facebook postings of October 12, 2015, where the image below was posted bragging about what money cannot buy, one commentator, Matt, noted that money can buy love in Nigeria. So the bragging is a relative outcome. He further said…
From Dr. Adenike Yesufu to Patrick Iroegbu. Understanding family issues is important to how we live out family vows, ring holding and carry ourselves and pursuits around. I thought this expose by Tola Adeniyi posted in nigeriaworld.com would be of interest to you. I know you belong to a group that addresses this issue. I will wait to hear your response. Remember I teach Sociology of Family. I need dispassionate views. THE AGONY OF MONOGAMY- BY TOLA ADENIYI It was at the church service for the 90th birthday of the legendary matriarch of the Awo dynasty Chief Dr Hannah Dideolu…
Culture as a concept of how people think, act and behave to share common values and identity to mark themselves out from others is a powerful way in which a society is organized to live meaningfully. When a population group lives separately apart due to geographical distances and ecological features, such a society will have a tendency to adapt and survive in the first place by doing what is required of it to exist as a human community. How a society is culturally managed is crucial to the adaptive skills and capacities the members may have and that is why…
Wednesday, 05 August 2015 13:31

What Love?

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If you are a Christian given to incessant moralizing about love and forgiveness when all around you are bodies of fellow Christians slaughtered by boko haram, you are as guilty of murder as the rampaging hoodlums masquerading as believers. And if you are a Muslim who does nothing else other than take the stand that such killings of Christians are not within the tenets of Islam, you are as guilty of murder as the violent suicide bombers and grenade throwers doing the killings. The world must find a lasting solution to the Muslim and Christian problem or the earth will…
Wednesday, 05 August 2015 13:23

Life Without Forgiveness

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When the young Texas cardiologist urged in Facebook that Ndiigbo in Lagos should be dealt with the way Nigerians were slaughtered during South Africa's xenophobic outbursts, it was easy to rise up as Hercules to avenge or get even. Someone mentioned forgiveness. "Forgive one who wanted to destroy me?" One could ask with bloodshot eyes, ready to punch a hole through the brick wall. Trembling and quivering with emotions so strong as to cause a tsunami, another might be indecisive on what to do with the Holy Bible collecting dust on the dresser, whether to open or kick it into…
Wednesday, 08 July 2015 12:27

6 Ways To Make Wives Happy

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We have done a considerable amount of work helping Nigerian couples iron out difficulties they encounter in their marriages. We prevent divorces and help husband and wife to understand what is required in a good marriage. We thank a friend Mr. CM's wife for editing this write-up and critiquing my sometimes muddled ideas to make them sound clearer. She reports that she and her husband are living better and happier than they had ever done before. And that made me call up the man to congratulate him. The husband appreciated the pat on the back. Depending on what you make…
Wednesday, 08 July 2015 08:25

Tale of Two Men (and two women)

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This tale is true and based on actual adjudicated cases .It's about two Nigerian men living here in America. Both were married to Nigerian women and have children born in America. Both were successful if you define success in terms of having an education, developing a career, paying mortgages on comfortable homes, and sending the children to the public schools. Both were from the same Abia State, though their villages of origin differ. Both imported wives from Nigeria, though not from their own villages. Both had shared beds with women named Rebecca. One Rebecca is dead, and the other is…
(Written at Abuja and completed in Atlanta for the benefit of the Nigerian friends I have served as Marriage Coach. Thanks to all Nigerian men and women who offered useful suggestions and who shared some of their marital issues during many confidential divorce-prevention sessions we have had at my home). Nigerian men are well liked in foreign lands because they are thought to be the cream of the African crop. Nigerian men are egalitarian, open, unrestricted, and uncensored. They have pride, they have class, they are unafraid to speak up whenever the occasion arises, and they are very educated. Nigerian…
Below is an article culled from Barrister Emeka's Facebook online chat which pointed to relationship issues I have been thinking of writing and sharing. Thanks to him for doing that first before I did. I am thanking him more for two significant things in this chat. (1) For being honest in the write up. (2) And for drawing extensively from his personal experience with Nigerian women around his home, office, outings and the social network. Probably, no one else could have put the chat better in the way he framed the experience and brought to bear some critical lessons and…
Our Sexuality In God's Kingdom On Earth By Dr. Adenike Yesufu This email address is being protected from spambots. You need JavaScript enabled to view it. Introduction by Patrick Iroegbu: What is our sexuality and how is it like for everyone? Can there be a difference in sexuality among God's people? The topic of homosexuality raises religious and mundane fear, controversy, naive and in-depth natural and nurtured knowledge systems as well as the use of personal and cultural experiences to explain the concept of sexuality, sin, morality, law, human rights, bible and the God question, in addition to the inclusion and exclusion of population groups in society. No other topic has been hotly crafted…
Love and friendship are in the air this day and through the weekend. As it is so today, it turns out to be such a love sharing moment to think with, care and reflect the meaning of friendship and love. Essentially, the occasion shows how love and friendship can be so demanding and hope to serve as an obligation to claim being loved and supported. It is also important to understand how people called "Valentine" feel about the season of Valentine in the month of February of every year. I just convoked a greeting and said "Happy Valentine, my dear,…
A measured response to “There Is No Value In Gay Culture,” Says Senator Domingo Obende, Posted: Jan, 21 2014, 3:01PM Sahara Reporters. (http://saharareporters.com/news-page/%E2%80%9Cthere-no-value-gay-culture%E2%80%9D-says-senator-domingo-obende) “It is awfully painful to know that it cannot be explained to Obende’s understanding what Creation and Createdness which we all observe, witness and experience daily tell us about the Creator. What human beings and their societies understand and finally decide for their culture of the day—what is acceptable to them—could not and has never limited nor influenced the Nature of the Creator to express unfathomable variation and variety in the Creation and Createdness. It becomes laughable,…
A course in miracles did not provide us with a specific perspective on homosexuality. However, one of the two people who composed A Course in miracles was a homosexual and in private discussions with the alleged source of the Course in miracles, Jesus, he was told that homosexuality is an aberration. However, Jesus proceeded to say that homosexual acts, like heterosexual acts, and everything else done on earth are done in a dream state. What is done in dreams have not been done in reality. Homosexuals do what they do in dreams. In wake state, heaven they are like all…
Given the new homosexual law in Nigeria. Personally , I see homosexualism as a sexual infatuation and a rare behavioral pattern or traits in modern human males, It may be considered as an obsession of sexual psychological fantasy in their respective carefree mind. And once they are in this realm, they become infatuated with it and it disorientates their unfocused brain synapses both pre synaptic and post synaptic sites that contain extensive arrays of molecular machinery in their brain link the two membranes together and carry out the signaling infatuation process( Just my little theory... not proven yet). This process…
The thesis of this paper is that many white women who marry black men are covert lesbians; it is heuristic, not scientific, for it has not been proved to be true. The reader should make of it what he likes. The second part of the paper looked at the issue with spiritual eyes. Why Covert White Lesbians Marry Black Men And Spiritual Matters Ozodi Osuji When I was in college I read a psychoanalytically oriented book trying to explain why white women marry black men. I have forgotten the name of that book. However, I seem to recall that the…
It's Sunday afternoon, December 29.Looking out my apartment window in New York, I see a misty grey skyscape and a chandelier of steady rain strokes. I woke up to Jonathan Schwartz Jazz and Blues Sunday show on WNYC, the permanent parking lot on my radio dial. Being a hopeless romantic, this is the perfect weather for cuddling up with that special guy and preferably an African, but I believe my luck is running out when it comes to finding such a person. In my opinion, African men and romance don't appear to be synonymous and I've come to find out…
To say that the Igbo adore one of their marriage stages of the public search and pronouncement of a male suitor by a female receptor as "You Are Di M", (you are my husband), with "Palm Wine Sipping Rite" is not an exaggeration. It is real, highly teased and symbolized. This short description of how it is done highlights the ceremony which recently took place in Ikeduru near Owerri in Imo State of Nigeria. The concluded Christmas and New year 2013 was successful and there were some huge lists of marriage ceremonies in the season. Families are happy when their…
This write up emerged as a request to offer an explanation to the question of when do people establish marriage intent and what symbolic rite can act upon it, therefore express or define that intent with a systematic kinship cultural authority. I shall attempt to answer this question by looking at the commencement of traditional marriage rites some of which are symbolically and customarily indispensable in a culture context. I will show how the Igbo create marriage intent and agree to marry a couple to cohabit, fulfil rites and advance themselves. Having said that, below is a response I provided…
Today, June 26, 2013 the United States Supreme Court in a 5: 4 split decision said that DOMA (Defense of Marriage Act) is illegal; it also ruled on California’s Proposition 8 (which had banned homosexuality in California)and said that it is unconstitutional. In effect, the Supreme Court of these United States of America has legalized homosexuality! Homosexuals are now in sex-heaven for this means that they have obtained what they have always wanted: social approval and legitimization of their contemptible life style. Now watch them go to work. They and their liberal friends (they dominate the civil service) will write…