Thursday, 27 July 2017 12:47

When you say good bye to anger you also say good bye to fear

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WHEN YOU SAY GOODBYE TO FEAR YOU ALSO SAY GOODBYE TO ANGER

Ozodi Thomas Osuji

CORRECTING THE ERRORS IN DEPENDENT PERSONALITY

Three days ago I went to a talk.  I came back and wrote it up and sent a copy to the person who gave the talk. I also sent a copy to one of the participants.  Also three days ago I called someone at my school and left a message, in fact, I called her the next day and also left a message in her voice mail as well as with the receptionist.

None of the above three persons have called me back.  I observed my reactions. Anger is welling in me telling me to call or write to them and ask them who the hell they think that they are not returning my calls. This is the way I normally react to folks who I believe treated me without respect and dignity.

This time I ask me: what is the point in being angry at them; anger at them is not going to improve the situation; it is only going to worsen it and maybe make them dig in and not respond to me.

One does not get what one wants by being angry at people that one's ego perceives as obstructing one's goal achievement.

So, I tell me, if they want let them call me, if not that is fine with me.  This is a new type of behavior on my part. I notice that my body is not reacting with anger at disappointments as it used to do.

By the same token, I do not feel fear as I used to feel in the past. Anger and fear go together; biochemically they use the same chemicals; they use adrenalin to arouse one's body.

When one is angry one is other dependent and believed that other people ought to do something for one that they did not do.

Fear is based on ones sense of vulnerability that feels that other people must help one or else one would not survive.

Whereas in childhood one needs other people to survive, in adulthood other people's help is not necessary for one's survival; one can survive without other people's help. Albert Ellis made this point, over and over, in his rational emotive therapy, aka cognitive behavior therapy.

Once one accepts ones independence from other people one no longer feels fearful and or angry at them when they did not respond to one as one expected them to do.

When I was a kid I used to react like what Alfred Adler called a spoilt, pampered child; if my parents and siblings did not do something to help me, save my life, I would be angry at them and throw huge temper tantrums.

As an adult, my survival is in my hands, not in other people's hands. If other people help me that would be fine but if not that is also fine.

If I feel angry that other people are not doing things for me to survive, the real question is this: what am I doing by myself for my survival?

LACK OF PURSUIT OF A POSITIVE AGENDA, ANGER AND FEAR

Anger and fear go together and when you let go of one you also let go of the other. Persons who tend to be prone to anger generally do not have appositive goals that they are pursuing but instead do things that they feel would get them other people's attention , admiration and praise; they are afraid of  losing that praise.

What exactly are you doing with your life, does your life have a positive agenda; are you doing what life means to you to the extent that you do not care whether other people approve it or not?

If you determine a goal that is congruent with your existence and pursue it one hundred percent, twenty four seven the chances are that you will achieve it and make a living from doing so, and live fully occupied days.

It is when you are not pursuing your existential mission that you try to make up for that lack by seeking other people's attention and getting angry when they do not acknowledge you.

SERIOUS MEDICAL DISORDERS LEAD TO DEPENDENT PERSONALITY, FEAR AND ANGER

Serious childhood illnesses and ongoing illness, such as my cytochrome c oxidase deficiency, tends to induce a wish to be taken care of by ones parents and significant others; such children develop dependent personality disorder where they have expectations for other persons to help them and feel angry if they are not helped by other persons.

Of course, it would be nice if other people helped you but the fact is that nobody exists to help you, nor do you exist to help other people.  Therefore,   one must correct the errors induced in one by medical issues and dependent personality.

SPIRITUAL CONSIDERATIONS DO NOT EXPLAIN MY PERSONALITY

My personality can best be explained by looking at my medical issues, that is, with biological psychology. Spiritual psychology does not explain anything about my personality and is really a waste of my time.

Moreover, religion's talk of forgiveness is undoable in this world for if you forgive murderers all you do is give them permission to keep on killing people and as a result you have no right to condemn murder, you just accept killing on the ground that living in body is a waste of time.

THE INDIVDUAL MUST NOT COMPARE HIS SELF AND OTHER PEOPLE TO IDEALS

You have no right whatsoever to compare a real human being to an imaginary ideal self and its ideal, perfect standards; a person cannot be good or bad relative to a mentally constructed ideals that are not part of his biological and social reality.  It is insane to compare people to imaginary ideals.

ONE MUST BE GRATEFUL TO THOSE WHO PUT ONE DOWN

I took a break from formal work and did some thinking and writing. A bunch of wild Africans called Igbos called me every insulting name under the sun. They boasted about how rich they are and how poor I am. At first, I wondered why it is their business if one is poor.  Then I felt angry at them. But eventually I learned that they are primitive folks and are doing what they are doing out of their primitive state of mental development; you cannot change them or prevent them from putting folks down; putting folks down is actually like killing them and eating them; carnivorous primitive folks used to kill and eat people so these Igbo folks are killing and eating those they are desecrating.

I learned that I must be grateful to these jungle denizens for they helped me learn that I do not have to pay attention to their opinions or to other people's opinions if I believe that what I am doing is right.

One must be thankful and grateful to those who praise one as well as to those who degrade one. For one thing, no one can degrade you unless you have low self-esteem and had believed that you needed the good opinion of other people to accept you.

You learn that you do not need the good opinion of other people to be who you are.

AMERICA GAVE ME THE OPPORTUNITY TO FIND MYSELF THROUGH FAILURE AND I REPAY HER BY TEACHING HER WHAT IS PROPER POLITICAL ECONOMY, MIXED ECONOMY

It is true what they say that one of the virtues of the USA is that it offers people the opportunity to find themselves.

Folks tend to think that finding one's self is only found in success; sometimes we learn more about ourselves through failure.

America offered me the opportunity to try my hands at many types of jobs and fail at most of them. In failing I learned about my body and personality and what kind of work I can do best.

I also learned about what constitutes appropriate political economy.

I have learned about my dependent personality and its tendency to feel angry if not helped by other people and no longer expect help from any one. I learned that the most appropriate vocation for me is one devoted to understanding human psychology.

I learned that the best political economy is mixed economy, a combination of capitalism and socialism. We must bring this to be in the USA. Failure to do so will widen the gap between the have and have nots and the result would be a bloody revolution where the have nots kill the haves, kind of like the French (1789) and Russian (1917) revolutions.

At present the governors of America are confused in believing that capitalism is the best economy; operating under that misguided economic ideology they are doing their best but their best is not good enough.

I repay America for the good it did for me by helping me to find myself by teaching her what constitutes the best political economy.

It is not an accident that I failed; I failed to learn what constitutes the right behavior and profession for me and from that stand point teach people appropriate behavior, not the pursuit of imaginary ideals but what is doable in the context of social reality; and teach about appropriate political economy in the human polity.

Ozodi Thomas Osuji

July 27, 2017

www.centerformindscience.org

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Ozodi Osuji Ph.D

Ozodi Thomas Osuji is from Imo State, Nigeria. He obtained his PhD from UCLA. He taught at a couple of Universities and decided to go back to school and study psychology. Thereafter, he worked in the mental health field and was the Executive Director of two mental health agencies. He subsequently left the mental health environment with the goal of being less influenced by others perspectives, so as to be able to think for himself and synthesize Western, Asian and African perspectives on phenomena. Dr Osuji’s goal is to provide us with a unique perspective, one that is not strictly Western or African but a synthesis of both. Dr Osuji teaches, writes and consults on leadership, management, politics, psychology and religions. Dr Osuji is married and has three children; he lives at Anchorage, Alaska, USA.

He can be reached at: ozodiosuji@gmail.com (907) 310-8176