Monday, 03 July 2017 10:29

Each of us has a karma and cannot changwe it

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From Ozodi Osuji's Daily Journal:

EACH OF US HAS A KARMA, A FATE AND CANNOT CHANGE IT

In childhood I had serious medical issues that made me feel at the gate of death almost daily. I inherited a serious genetic disorder called cytochrome c oxidase deficiency. My body almost always felt inflamed, burning sensations. My body was traumatized.

Like most children with serious medical disorders I came to depend on my parents to help me more than was necessary. Thus, in a manner of speaking I developed traits of dependent personality disorder.

A dependent personality expects other people to take care of him and pleases them so that they would help him. Generally, he is afraid of displeasing other people for he knows that to do so is to risk losing their approval and attention. Thus, he tends to be unassertive and is always looking for other people's approval. He fears rejection by other people.

In the adult world, obviously, it is not advantageous for one to depend on other persons for one's survival. If you depend on other people for your survival, well, the nature of reality is that no one exists to help you survive. Each of us is out for his own survival so if you expect other people to help you survive you are going to be disappointed for no human being is going to put your interests ahead of his.

In adolescence I learned that I do not have to depend on other people to survive. Thus, I struggled against my underlying dependency.

Because of my medical issues I developed a kin awareness of human suffering and therefore tend to go out of my way to help those around me. I am known for giving people my last penny and have to struggle to feed myself. That is simply who I am.

I do not expect other people to reciprocate and help me as I help them. I know that when push comes to shove no one is going to help me. I am man alone and that is the way it has been all my life.

Nevertheless, because of my medical issues in childhood I had developed dependency before I knew what it is and began struggling to get rid of it. Struggle as I did, however, I still have a residue of dependency in my psychological make-up. Thus, occasionally I ask folks for help.

Generally, those I ask for help do not help me. I had learned during my secondary school days that my parents did not particularly place my needs on a priority list. They would immediately do whatever my senior brother asked for but would not even bother thinking about my needs. I had to literally beg them to do things for me, including paying my boarding school feels. They did not care to give me pocket money and would tell me, oh, the school feeds you at school so what do you need money for.  But if my brother is returning to school they would give him tons of money. They bought incredible things for him.

I have what Alfred Adler calls the psychology of the second child who had never been on the throne and have his parents serve his needs, always feeling like no one took him seriously.

Simply stated, I grew up feeling treated like an orphan. That left a poor taste in my mouth. I resented been treated as if no one cared for me.

In the adult world I am mindful of how my parents treated me and thus generally do not ask any one for help. I assume that other people do not take my needs seriously and if I asked for help they would not pay attention to me.

In my relationship with my brothers, for example, it is me who is always giving to them something but they never give to me anything. Occasionally, I ask them whether they think that our one way relationship is okay. They would ignore me and proceed to ask for more help. Over time, I give to them only when I feel like it but otherwise ignore their constant requests for help.

Recently, I had assumed that someone is a friend. I had a need and asked for help. That person, as usual, proceeded to ignore my request. Indeed he gave me a lecture on the need to plan well and not ask other people for help. He talked to me as a parent would talk to a child asking for help. If you beg you are a child and other people will treat you like a child.

I got angry and told that person that he is a good weather friend, a person who talks the talk of being of help to people but not in reality.

However, as I processed the whole affair something occurred to me. It is not this person's fault per say, it is my karma.

My karma requires for no one else to help me. My fate requires for only me to help me. Other people have fates whereby people actually think of their needs and meet them but me no one thinks of my needs.

Folks like my senior brother have their significant others actually think of their needs and send money to them or buy them expensive toys without them asking for them.  So it is not this person's fault that he did not respond to my request.

This person was behaving to me as my nature asked him and people to behave to me. Each of us has a fate, some are readily helped and others are not.

One must accept one's own fate and not feel angry at other people for not helping one.  In the adult world no one exists to help one.

Each of us exists to help his self. Thus, my teenage philosophy of not expecting anything from other people is valid.

The corollary of that philosophy is that if I do not expect other people to help me then other people should not expect me to help them. What is good for the goose must be good for the gander, right?

My philosophy is valid so as before I would not ask anyone to help me out.  For example, I have completed a 1200 pages book that I believe is going to give the entire world a new philosophy. I tend to write as I feel and therefore generally need editorial help to polish my writing. I approached a few friends for editorial help; they asked me why not edit it by myself.  They told me that I am a good writer and ought to be able to edit my own writing.

I reminded them that when Helen Schucman wrote her book, A course in miracles her department of psychology head at Columbia University edited it for her and another chap did the final editing.

I have never heard of a seminal book where only one person was responsible for it. Yet folks ask me to do it instead of volunteering their services. Why?

It is because my fate is to do things by myself and for other people not to do anything to contribute to my welfare or success. It is simple karma.

The point to all these are that each of us has a karma, a fate that begins in one's childhood and there is no use blaming other people for ones issues. In childhood my illness made me feel biologically traumatized; I used to ask why me. I felt that the universe of God and people abandoned me otherwise why give me the dreadful fate of illness all the time.  I would envy other kids playing but would not be able to play with them. But asking for someone to cure my medical issues was to no avail for no one was going to do so.

I developed a psychology of abandonment and sought rescuing. But alas no one is out there to rescue me. There is no hero on a white horse riding towards me to rescue me. People are all talk; they talk about love but actually do not know that love means, caring for those around them.

I do not believe that there is a month that I did not give folks around me, at least, one thousand dollars but I do so quietly but some folks are out there talking about their love for humanity but find it difficult to give other persons a penny.

People do not walk their talk, they are phonies. But such is life or as the French say, C'est la vie.

For now the critical point is that some of us have karma so that no other person can help us but we can help other people and there is nothing that we can do to change that fate. Grind your teeth and endue your fate for you cannot change it.

Do not envy those who receive whenever they ask for help, for they have different fates from you.

Ozodi Osuji

July 3, 2017

www.centerformindscience.org

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Ozodi Osuji Ph.D

Ozodi Thomas Osuji is from Imo State, Nigeria. He obtained his PhD from UCLA. He taught at a couple of Universities and decided to go back to school and study psychology. Thereafter, he worked in the mental health field and was the Executive Director of two mental health agencies. He subsequently left the mental health environment with the goal of being less influenced by others perspectives, so as to be able to think for himself and synthesize Western, Asian and African perspectives on phenomena. Dr Osuji’s goal is to provide us with a unique perspective, one that is not strictly Western or African but a synthesis of both. Dr Osuji teaches, writes and consults on leadership, management, politics, psychology and religions. Dr Osuji is married and has three children; he lives at Anchorage, Alaska, USA.

He can be reached at: ozodiosuji@gmail.com (907) 310-8176