Wednesday, 22 March 2017 19:34

Do not ever seek approval from other people

Written by 


Ozodi Thomas Osuji

In childhood, I began out with a sense of deficit; I believed that there is something wrong with my body. I ended up asking other people to tell me that I am good enough.

I wanted to be like those that I perceived to be good so as to make me seem good. I wanted to attach me to those that seem good so as to feel good.

At school, I wanted to be like the children of the rich; in youth I wanted to be like the rich; in America I wanted to be like white folks.

Eventually, of course, I learned that the children of the rich are mostly garbage, the rich are mostly idiots (see Donald Trump the buffoon despite his billions of dollars) and white folks are mostly sociopaths).

So, where then do you go after you discover the nature of reality? You go to where you ought to have been all along: you accept yourself as you are in an unconditionally positive manner and have no desire to be like other people; you give up the sense that if you are this or that way other people will approve you.

You do not need to  have other people's approval and nobody needs your approval  to be who they are; you do not need to judge you or other people as good or bad; you just have to accept you and other people as they are.

You only concern yourself with other people if other people attempt to harm you; if they harm you thereafter you have every right to defend yourself and since the best defense is offense you attack and if needs be kill them (or if you so choose you forgive them and insist that they not harm you again, for forgiveness does not mean tolerating harmful behaviors from the forgiven).

Accept yourself as you are; do not make any efforts to approximate what you think that other people would like you to be before they accept you; you do not need other people's acceptance and they do not need your acceptance.

If you do so you have good mental health but if you insist that other people need to accept you then you are a neurotic.

Those you seek approval from are like you; we are all animals that live, die and rot and smell to high heaven so you do not need any such person's approval.

You may have medical and or biological deficits but that is your personal issues, not other people's issue; your medical deficit does not mean that there is something wrong with you. Just learn to deal with your issues without getting other people involved.

Whereas all over the world children call each other negative names and make fun of other children with physical deformities, certain primitive folks, such as Igbo adults, will call you put down names if they believe that you have physical deformities; what they do shows their uncivilized state so you do not have to worry about them; you overlook them as one overlooks savages; their infantile opinions do not matter.

If you are a black man you do not need the approval of white folks; you do not need the acceptance of slave masters and sociopaths; if it ever crosses your mind to get white folks approval stop right there and give it up.

I hope that this insight from my own life helps you.

PS: Last night, I watched on YouTube a replica of an Igbo compound or village in Virginia, USA. They constructed thatched huts; the huts are in a village exhibiting what life was like in the places from where Americans came from: England, Germany and Africa; the huts are part of the American heritage; many American slaves came from Alaigbo.  Those type of houses actually existed in Igbo land through the 1970s. I had been ashamed that our African people lived in such primitive state. I had put as much distance as is possible from such houses. I would not come to the USA and construct such primitive houses and exhibit them for the rest of the world to see how primitive Africans were. But I saw an Igbo professor proudly talking about the houses of his people. At that point I realized that what made some people ashamed does not make others ashamed. The proud professor accepted his people's primitive status while a shame bound professor did not like his people's primitive past. The proud professor is, of course, healthier than the shame feeling professor. Clearly, Igbo houses were primitive but why should one be ashamed of them? Are there people who were not in the past primitive?

Ozodi Thomas Osuji

March 22, 2017

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Ozodi Osuji Ph.D

Ozodi Thomas Osuji is from Imo State, Nigeria. He obtained his PhD from UCLA. He taught at a couple of Universities and decided to go back to school and study psychology. Thereafter, he worked in the mental health field and was the Executive Director of two mental health agencies. He subsequently left the mental health environment with the goal of being less influenced by others perspectives, so as to be able to think for himself and synthesize Western, Asian and African perspectives on phenomena. Dr Osuji’s goal is to provide us with a unique perspective, one that is not strictly Western or African but a synthesis of both. Dr Osuji teaches, writes and consults on leadership, management, politics, psychology and religions. Dr Osuji is married and has three children; he lives at Anchorage, Alaska, USA.

He can be reached at: (907) 310-8176