To Have Peace And Happiness One Must Stop Striving For A Better Self
My whole life is a preparation to have a better self; a preparation to have a better future, a preparation to live well but never living in the now, the moment. I am always striving for a better self, a powerful self, and a perfect self, for anything but living as I am now.
Why am I always living for the future not the present? I saw my present self, especially my body, as problematic, which biologically it is and rejected it and used my mind to wish for a better self and want to become that better self, a powerful, all knowing self, to become a godlike self in power, anything but myself as it is now.
The better self, the powerful self, the ideal self is a wished for self; it is a mental and social construct and does not exist in reality and cannot exist in reality; therefore, pursuing it is pursuing a chimera that cannot be attained.
Because the present self, the biological self is seen as not good enough I do not take good care of it.
I feel that my body is so bad that I feel not worthy of wearing good clothes and good shoes or living in good houses or driving expensive cars. I feel that I am not good enough for good clothes, and that I am only good to wear rags (my father was this way hence he too wore rags).
Because I do not value my now self I eat badly and punish my body with food. I eat to inflict pain on my body. If I did not feel pained in body I would not feel alive (I don't really need more than a little food a day but I eat a lot to give me pain).
Some people eat for pleasure or to medicate their psychological pain (those in depression) or to numb their anxious and stressed bodies or to escape from something.
I eat to give my body pain; if I did not feel pained I would not feel alive. I do not want to feel peaceful, happy and joyful; instead, I want pain; pain makes me feel alive.
WHAT IS THE SOLUTION TO ALL THESE?
It is very simple: see the cause and give up the cause. The cause is my desire to be a better self, a powerful self, an important self, an ideal self.
The solution is for me to give up the desire to be a better self. I must accept me as I am now; I must have no desire to improve myself and wait until I did so before I accepted me. Why? I might be dead by tomorrow for there is no such thing as tomorrow; you could die during the next minute; the only time you know is real is the present time.
Therefore accept yourself as you are now; do not seek a better self. Do not seek a better physical self, a better religious self (that leads to religious neurosis).
Yes, my body has problems but all I can do is understand them and live with them but I should not go on to use my mind to construct an alternative ideal and better body and seek to become it, and identify with it and feel angry when other people do not accept it or respect it (to do so is to be deluded).
I must accept me as I am now and leave it at that.
If I accept me as I am now, with no conditions posited to be met before I accept me I would feel calm, peaceful and happy (with no anxiety, depression, paranoia, mania or any other mental disorder for all of them emanate from rejection of the self and desire to be an imaginary better self).
One is an animal; a flesh that would die and rot; that is all one got; therefore, one must accept it as it is and not use ones imagination to wish for a non-physical self that would not die and pursue that impossible self.
One must first accept the physical self before one can accept the spiritual self.
A WORD FROM A COURSE IN MIRACLES
A course in miracles' philosophy is what I use in guiding my life. It says that the physical universe does not exist; there is no space, time and matter; there are no people, animals, trees and the physical world you believe that you see. The things you see in your world and the activities you see going on around you do not exist. The person standing in front of you does not exist there; he is a dream figure in your dream and you are dream figure in his dream.
The world exists because you want it to exist; you exist in body because you want to exist in body and in the world.
You can decide right now that the world does not exist and give it up and experience yourself in formless unified spirit (aka heaven).
But because you want to see the world you use it. Okay, you want to see it then make it a lovely sight. How do you make it lovely?
You love all people in the world and forgive those who you believe wronged you. Forgive all and have a happy dream. Ultimately, you must decide when you are ready to accept that the world does not exist and leave it.
You leave the world not by killing yourself and dying for there is no such thing as dying and death (those occur in the dream of birth and death).
If you believe that the world is real then have a ball of it; do what scientists do, study the laws of matter, space and time, the laws of the dream and understand them and use them to develop technology to make living in the dream lovely.
If you like you can just wake up, right now, by not desiring this world, and not have to study the dream and its laws and have technology to get around it (there is no place to get around in!).
April 10, 2017