I have heard so much about Nigerian corruption it is a shame; it's hard to know where to start
Woman with PhD in physics took American friends home to set up NGO to attract girl scientists
She reported to a Nigerian Minister who enquired into the size the group's budget
"To obtain permission for your NGO," the Minister said, "You must surrender 50% to me"
Dr. Boniface was offered lectureship in Nigeria, providing he paid a kickback of 500,000 Naira
Bonny calculated cost of the new job and told his wife: "Baby, we aren't going anywhere."
A White American's weekly flight from Nigeria to London was halted because he refused to bribe
"We know you're picking up passengers, and you can't pay us: better take your business elsewhere"
Federal civil servants in Nigeria cannot pass promotion exams unless they first fork over N300,000
And after paying the sum, they aren't guaranteed the promotion because "there's no vacancy"
At the universities, they say, lecturers sell lecture notes to students for as much as N5,000 a copy
The Professors say: "if you don't buy our notes and don't sign your name, don't expect to pass "
And if you are a young and beautiful coed, you are said to pay through "poooossseeeyy" to pass
Have you ever heard of STG&D, Sexually Transmitted Grades and Diplomas?
If you pay closer attention, you would see several homes at Abuja, Jos, Lagos, as evidence of bribery
And in the villages, bribery buys 300 acre farms where a man grows vegetables and millet
I once walked into mansions with 4-6 vehicles, salaried cook, gardener, driver and gateman.
I thought corruption was learned in the social environment, much like Albert Bandura's theory
But someone asks " Suppose it is caused by inherited criminal genes, and there is no cure for it?"
I became frightened, meaning I was terrified, alarmed, anxious, startled, upset, worried, or panicky
Let it not be true, I prayed, let it be a lie from the pits of Hades that my country should be incurably ill
The fear persists annoyingly, just to think corruption is inherited in the genes of Nigeria like leukemia?
Then, I cried: Lord, let it not be so; let it be a temporary setback, provide opportunity for a comeback
My Father, please think not that I am crooked; I am not, Father, the fault is not in my stars
Is corruption due to being born in corruption and growing up in a crooked environment?
I saw corruption when Mother gave birth to me in a hut at brutal Ibkuntakpo
Delivered by unhygienic 'midwife ' while my playmate Ndem's Mother delivered in London
My people, think not I'm stupid; I am not, people, the fault is not totally mine that I am poor
That I could not pass the West African Examination Council and was held back in life
Because my father was poor and could not afford my secondary school uniforms and pencils
You know, Ndem schooled at Eton and entered Oxford while I repeated Class Three
When I was finally awarded university degree, what good was it when I was still jobless?
And Ndem drove Camry as bank employee through help of manager friend of his father Eket
My people, think not I am a fraudulent politician when I joined the PDP escape route
That I am corrupt, being confronted with opportunities to take bribes and I did not
And Ibkuntakpo millionaires ran wuru wuru campaign for Minister of Commerce
Four years after being Minister I had no mansion and Ibkuntakpo community jeered
I know the Ibkuntakpos call me stupid, brainless, dim-witted who can't steal enough
Last year, I hear Ndem was Managing Director over Atlanta Fund with stolen millions
His father stole millions to set up Family Fund with help of Atlanta American wayos
My people, think not that I have disappointed you; I did not, people, the fault is not mine
That you were furloughed as Messenger with no retirement and unaccounted pension
My people, think not that I am heartless; I am not , I only wanted to be unlike Ndem
Whose father bulldozed his way into Ikoyi and Aso Rock fastidious rolling meadows
And Dad and Mom are in rat and malaria infested tenement with no water or light
I renounced my Methodist faith and embraced Islam and flew to Mecca in Saudi
After Methodist morals prevented my taking bribes and doctoring the documents
Think not I am corrupt, my people, when I prayed and got a second redemptive chance
Thank God, my people, through His mercy I am Junior Ambassador in charge of commerce
No more hospital-less Ibkuntakpo , no failing Cantab, no more garri with water and sugar
It's importation of Germany's rejected Mercedes, Chinese expired drugs, Italian plastic leather
I have thugs to eliminate opposition, rob banks and fly in with boxes of cocaine and US dollars
I pay billions for protection of Alhajis, mallams, Ayetollas, Yoruba and Igbo assassin squads
Blame me not, people, for not playing by what you taught me; I'm playing by their rules
You say "Don't fornicate" but they carry our wives; you say "Don't be conceited" but do they?
Is life functional like in America from where Ndem emailed me , yes emailed me for years
"In America, they have our little houses, little motors, little jobs, little clothes, and little pride
But over there, you still struggle with daily necessities of life, yet amassing wealth like crazy
You steal billions and don t know when or how to spend money with uncountable zeros
How many mansions can you live in your lifetime, how many Rolls Royce, how much garri
And how many beaches can you sleep at, and how many trips to Dubai to buy expensive toys?
One day, you die miserable death with nothing but rice and chicken in your lifeless stomach
The late Alhaji Okeke, converted to Islam to be near corruption when Christianity wasn't paying
"Now that you're dead, Alhaji, where are your billions abandoned in Barclay's Bank in London?
Aren't you the Biggest fool, trick, hoodwink, and you pulled the wool over somebody's eyes?"
COPYRIGHTED 5/10/2012. INTELLECTUAL PROPERTY IS FULLY PROTECTED BY LAW