Thursday, 14 April 2016 13:51

Things Men Wish Women Knew

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This is written to all women, wives and girl friends in the lives of my friends wherever they are. Ladies, thank you for reading my stuffs. Please drop everything and get to know your man. There are things your men wish you knew

Men like to talk, and they sometimes talk of things that are utterly uninteresting to women. Listen as he talks. Encourage him to talk and steer him to interesting conversations that make you feel a wide range of emotions, such as shoes, clothes, make-ups, entertainment, travel, and music. You want to feel hope and heightened aspirations. You don't want to listen to boring stuffs like his past relationships, science fiction or his fixation on money. If he talks shit that bores you, gently place a heavy leg on his lap and pretend you are tired and sleepy. Yawn to indicate you want sex talks and gentle massage on your back in bed rather than boring talks about Buhari and Nigerian politics/palaver. Sit up when he tells good "tory" that takes your breath away. You need to be entertained sometimes, don't you?

Men are vulnerable, insecure, and want women to believe in them. That means that your man is sometimes at risk of not being sure of himself, and at times lacks confidence or self-assurance. Yet, you should accept him for who he is, and believe he will be alright. Gently ask him to unburden sometimes and share his innermost feelings with you. Look for ways to lift up his sagging confidence. without being overbearing.

Men value appearance in women. They want women to always look good, attractive and take care of themselves.  Who wants to be with ooglii (super ugly) lady? Please make your man happy by putting on nice clothes, splashing your body with sweet-smelling odors, and applying the mud to your face with puff-puff. Don't overdo the "mud" thing so much as to look like mammy-water, masquerade, or fairy. Please look appealing, especially in front of your man's friends. He wants to show you off as award-winning soccer trophy.

Men want to be praised. The biggest poison I know is praise: it kills quicker than rattle snakes. Apply massive praise to massage your man's ego. Praise him for anything good he does, like paying bills, buying food, washing your vehicle, even after battering you senseless with unusual sexual activity like a ram. Tell him: "Thanks for being a he-goat" after a night of satisfactory sex, and mean it.

Men want women to encourage them rather than tear them down. There is a big difference between encourage  and put down. Joseph who had the MBA in management enjoys reading medical journals at his pregnant wife's doctor's office. One day, his wife told him "Baby, I see you like medical books, and I believe you'll make a wonderful doctor." Joe said: "Really?" Wife said: "Really, and I mean it." One thing led to the other until Joe quit his management work and enrolled in pre-med program and was admitted to a medical school in North Carolina. I ran into Joe at a conference for MD's (Medical Doctors) . Lucky Joe! Thanks to his wife's application of massive encouragement.

Men don't want women to change them: They want women to accept them for who they are, especially with their flaws and imperfections. Why do you want to change leopard with black spots into a white lamb? Accept what you have. Gently encourage him to drop certain offensive behaviors and pick up those that please you. But do it with cups running over with honey, buttery praise or floundering flatter. Men love it.

Men want more sex, but they claim they are not addicted to it.  Lie! They want to be desired and loved.   The worst thing you would do as a woman is to refuse to discharge what is part of your wifely duty. Show me a man that doesn't like sex and I will show a monkey that doesn't eat banana or a goat that " no de chop" (doesn't eat) grass. Don't be in the habit of often telling your man: "Honey, not tonight again" or "I don't feel like it."  Lady, get up, douse, and climb back in bed and love your man. Tell that man you adore him, and let your love for him be known in public. Touch him often.

Men want to experiment with sex but are embarrassed to let you know. Charles Mkpi (He Goat) likes to take other women to motels to do what his wife wouldn't do with him, until wife got wind of it when she accidently saw a Motel 8 bill Charles dropped in the bathroom. During our Marriage Coaching session, Charles and Angela agreed to leave the children in their stuffy apartment once a week and check into a motel with bottles of Heinekens and wine. That was a simple solution to what could have been a big problem leading to a bitter, acrimonious divorce.

Men want space once in a while and would like women to understand that.  Nothing is more annoying than a woman who crowds her man, or follows him around as a snoop or part-time unofficial FBI investigator.  Men hate clinging vines like yam growing in the garden. Give him time and space to think by himself, to evaluate his life, go to meetings, walk around the mall, or drink a beer of two with men folk.

Men never admit it but they do cry. Psychologists have determined that crying is good for men, at least to show they are human, and release hurts and pent-up emotions that, if not gotten rid of, can lead to stroke and high BP. If he cries , don't stop him but let him cry it out, Please walk to another room if you can't stand it. Crying is healthy. Some men pay fees to psychologists to learn how to cry. On the other hand, the Chinese who don't express emotions of joy and happiness easily as they pursue hard science and the Yuan, are paying their therapists money just to learn how to laugh.

Come on, girl, you can really do it and know what your man wishes you knew.

About the Author: Although James C. Agazie, JD, EdD, is retired Professor of Education & Psychology, he is being called out of retirement to serve as Adjunct Professor. He has taught for years as Professor at  both the  undergraduate and graduate levels. He devotes time to writing and consulting services, helping students with the Master's theses, Doctoral dissertations, and research and statistics. He runs Marriage Coaching sessions which he started with his late wife Dr. Maxine M. Agazie,(40 years of marriage) and which is geared towards assisting couples to work through marital difficulties and/or avoid divorces. He can be reached at  This email address is being protected from spambots. You need JavaScript enabled to view it.

Dr. James C. Agazie, This email address is being protected from spambots. You need JavaScript enabled to view it.

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James Agazie Ed D

A retired college Professor  with educational backgrounds in law (JD) education (Ed.D, MA) counseling,( MS) and and mathematics.  Write on topics dealing with Nigerian families, marriages, education, and employment.