Friday, 12 August 2016 03:05

Nigerian Jokes To Make You Chuckle

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1.

When the Lord took a rib from Adam, what did he do with it?

Eve: He gave it to me.

Adam: He gave it to you? Haha!

Eve: What do you mean by Haha?

Adam: If He gave it to you, why do you cause all the trouble in this marriage?

Eve: Dear Adam, men like you cannot keep your sex organs completely zipped up; you fill this earth with your troublesome babies; and that gives we women pains in the ribs. Adam: Gives you pains in the ribs? How is that so, my Dear?

Eve: Well, we carry all those babies, don’t we? Carrying is heavy work, you know?.

Adam: Is that why women often demonstrate half naked after Fulani herders kill and  leave?

Eve: How else shall we let men know your children are like herds and you herders. How?

 

2.

First Enugu man: Why is it that Nigeria never had Igbo President?

Companion: If Wawa people don’t know? Na wa for you.

First Enugu man: Na wa for us? What do you mean by Na wa for?

Companion: You don’t know what’s wrong with the Nigerian currency? Na wa for you.

First Enugu man: Na wa for you? What’s wrong with our currency?

Companion: NAIRA means Never Allow Igbos Rule Again. You don’t know? Na wa for you

First Enugu man: Na wa for you, Wawa man. Na wa for you!

 

3.

Pilot: Control Tower, what time is it?

Control Tower: What airline is this?

Pilot: What difference does it make?

Control Tower: If it is Nigerian Airline, it is 2:00pm; if it is from South Africa, it is same as our time; if it is from UK or USA, wait a minute. Let me call our Director.

Pilot: Your Director? Why Director? I’ve got to land.

Control Tower: You can’t land now yet; the Dollar is fallen way low to 361.

Pilot: Are you talking about giving you bribery? How much is it now? I’ve got to land.

Control Tower: silence. Click  off

 

4.

“Hello, Nigerian police? Some people are in my house carrying away my property.”

“Sir, please call us when they leave.”

“Call you when they leave? They are bothering my wife and daughters.”

“Sorry, Sir, that’s not job for police; we don’t get involved in domestic arguments; besides we’re too busy.”

“But, Sir –“

“Well,  you’d better hang up now, Sir. We’re already talking with your wife and daughters as part of police protocol”

 

5.

Chief Bandit: The Police are coming. Quick, jump out the window! Quick, quick!

Accomplice: Jump out? You know where we are?

Chief Bandit: Where? This is not time for being superstitious!  I say Jump Quick!

Accomplice: We are not at ground floor; we are on the 11th floor Central Bank of Nigeria

Chief bandit: Quick! Jump! Let’s see if our charms work! Quick!

Accomplice: We have no charms; we didn’t give the witchdoctor all the Ingredients.

Chief Bandit: What was missing? Quick!

Accomplice: A liver and pancreases! 

Chief Bandit: Ouch! shit! Have you jumped yet?            

Accomplice: Silence. A man is dead on the sidewalk.

 

6.

Mother: Why don’t you get a job?

Son: Why?

Mother: You’re my only child.

Son: Why?

Mother: Our neighbor’s daughter…

Son: Why?

Mother: Pauline …

Son: Why?

 Mother: is a nice girl, and I do like---

Son: Why do you like her? For a daughter in-law?

Mother: Yes, yes, son. Daughter-in-law!

Son: Mother, I’m gay and Pauline in gay. How about that?

 

7.

Question: What did Obasanjo say to Jonathan in 2015?

Answer: We’re going to make you unofficial Hausa

What was Jonathan’s response?

Answer: Nope. I don’t speak Hausa, Oga Sir!

Obasanjo: What for?

Jonathan: Oga Sir! I want to be Honorable Avenger. 

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James Agazie Ed D

A retired college Professor  with educational backgrounds in law (JD) education (Ed.D, MA) counseling,( MS) and and mathematics.  Write on topics dealing with Nigerian families, marriages, education, and employment.